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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

admit I don't like spoilt brat sd should we split?

20 replies

piklepants · 17/02/2014 22:02

It's starting to get to me more now even though we don't see much of said brat it's like we just get our relationship back on track and then she will click her fingers and Dp is expected(and mostly does!) go running and I'm expected to just put up and shut up. Well I'm not putting up with it anymore. I'm fed up of dragging our relationship out of the gutter would I be out of order to just walk away now? Dsd is 19 by the way not a child but act's like one. Also it's not personal to her I just don't like any self centred spoilt brats and finally decided life is too short to waste any of it on said people!we recently moved a fair distance away so it's things like expecting him to drop plans and go and pick her up last minute etc

OP posts:

Martorana · 17/02/2014 22:04

Did him being a dad come as a surprise to you?

feathermucker · 17/02/2014 22:05

From what you've written, you sound resentful and childish. She is his child and describing her, repeatedly, as a brat does not paint you in the best light!!

I think more information is needed........

NigellasDealer · 17/02/2014 22:06

why are you calling her 'brat'?
did you not know your bf was a dad when you shacked up?
why did you move away anyway?

NigellasDealer · 17/02/2014 22:06

btw you sound horrible

BOFtastic · 17/02/2014 22:07

Yeah, I'd leave it, tbh. I just don't think it can work if you fundamentally dislike your partner's children, and it's not really fair to make him feel guilty for loving his own daughter, no matter how much you disagree with how he has brought her up.

Origamiboat · 17/02/2014 22:12

I presume that you don't have kids yourself. You shouldn't try to compete for affection as if you were a child yourself,because you will lose.

ElBombero · 17/02/2014 22:13

Totally agree you sound resentful, jealous and childish.

At 19 I needed my dad so badly, he was without a doubt the most important person in my life. He also picked me up after nights out of I couldn't get a taxi, gave me money for clothes, helped me out with Uni work, cooked and cleaned for me, dropped anything to help fox my car or put a shelf up in my room.

Was I a brat, your OH sounds normal to me

ElBombero · 17/02/2014 22:14

God that didn't make any sense, I'm on crap phone but you get the gist

DioneTheDiabolist · 17/02/2014 22:15

Leave OP. You're clearly unhappy with your DP's relationship with his DD. This will not and should not change because he is now in a relationship with you.

To stay will just breed resentment between all of you. End the relationship.

LineRunner · 17/02/2014 22:16

Do you ever do nice things for her?

Paloma12 · 17/02/2014 22:19

You sound like a child.

Lj8893 · 17/02/2014 22:21

Yes, you should split up. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Misfitless · 17/02/2014 22:29

OrigamiboatI thing OP does have children!

Is your DP the father of your DCs, OP?

Sorry to be so personal, but I think your OP made it sound like you are in a fairly new and casual relationship. Is this the case, or is it a longer relationship where you have children together?

(I'm asking as I think this might change how people see this.)

I was initially going to say, do your DP and his DD a favor and leave them to it, but if you and DP have children together, I'm not sure that leaving him because you're jealous of his DD is necessarily the best thing for anyone but yourself, iyswim.

We need more info, OP!

dreamingbohemian · 17/02/2014 22:36

Yes you should split. Not because of any spoiled brat but because your partner is an abusive twat. Sorry but I remember you from the lazy sexist arsehole thread, honestly you don't need any more reasons to leave him.

daisychain01 · 18/02/2014 04:19

This is one of the downsides of being asked for advice but not being given the full picture (drip feeding?.). It can change the whole course of the conversation if more background is given.

I think I will reserve judgement because what I will say won't make any sense if, as dreaming mentions, there is a backstory.

Its best not to refer to a 19 yo as a brat though...it never ends well.

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 18/02/2014 06:01

I haven't seen the backstory.

But based on what you posted here, then yes it sounds like this is the end of the road between you and DP.

You don't really explain how things reached this state, but asking someone to choose between partner and child is never going to end well.

TheMumsRush · 18/02/2014 08:20

Shacked up? Nice! Second wife's, GF are always told they "shacked up"
Op you may need to give a bit more info if you want any helpful comments

WeGotAnnie · 18/02/2014 08:24

We have a difficult relationship.
I find it hard to get along with her.
I find her behaviour unacceptable at times.

All of these are acceptable comments one might make about a difficult relationship with a setp child.

'I dont like her'? Unacceptable. If you 'dont like' a teenage child of the person you supposedly love, and thats your bottom line? The relationship is doomed.

Original poster

piklepants · 18/02/2014 09:38

Right to answer a few questions. Yes I did know if had a daughter when we got together. No I didn't realise that this is not ever going to be a normal father daughter relationship as the breakdown of his marriage and subsequent eow access means she has got used to being spoilt and literally ordering him to fetch and pick things up for her. Please don't try and tell me this stuff is normal maybe I am just lucky to have a normal father daughter relationship with my dad. Yes we have kids together and maybe the person who said it would benefit me the most to leave was right it probably would. I just don't know anymore. I'm venting on here because it all gets too much sometimes but I'm glad to see the general consensus is yes leave!! It's what I know I need to do deep down and just hope my own children will not be made to turn out like that(I think not using kids as weapons is the key to this)

OP posts:

MrsMagnificent · 18/02/2014 09:44

You have children together? Maybe you should think about how this will affect them to? So far you don't seem to have thought about them at all.

TBH your reaction seems over the top and unnecessary. Also the PP saying leave... I would say they are saying that more for your partners sake than yours.

You sound quite like a spoilt brat yourself dear. He has a daughter, regardless of her age she will always come high on his list of priorities as she should.

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