A whinge about inequalities

[MsColour]

My own dcs dad will not communicate and will not let me have phone contact when he has them. I will just get accused of interfering if i even try. My dd (7) was tearful this morning on the way to school this morning and she's with her dad now. I would like to know if she is ok. He won't return a text and won't answer if I phone.

Yet when we have dss, his mum is constantly texting, phoning, trying to micromanage his life and it's annoying but we don't stop her.

Nothing can be done. Just grates.

In our house i'm the mum who texts every five minutes to check the kids are ok with their dad. My ex is fine with this and usually he sends me photo updates during the day or my kids FaceTime me themselves.
My husbands ex waves goodbye and then we don't hear from her at all. On Christmas Day my husband had to ring her to get her to speak to her own kids and then she was on the phone for a minute and couldn't wait to go. Well she has 5 kids (3 are my husbands) so I guess she wants a total break. I just can't stand not being on contact with mine and I miss them so much when they are not with me.
Your ex op is being childish and I think open comms is very important and you must stress this to him. How would he like it if you blanked him?!

Never understood the need for constant contact. If there is an emergency surly the parent with the children will let the other know. Otherwise let them all get on with it.

You shouldn't need to speak to your DC more than 3x a week when they are with their other parent. Any more is overkill.

I've also found it can de quite upsetting for the dsc to have mum constantly on the phone, saying she misses them

In our house DSD calls whichever parent she's not with each Wednesday and Sunday. Can you try and suggest something like that to your ex so that it works both ways?

Both wrong!

Your children's father should contact you more, your ss's mum should contact you less.

Personally, a routine the works well for everyone is the middle ground. I don't mind my exh phoning the kids whenever, however when they are with him as the time is less and I find one child does get homesick, I do NOT phone them. The two eldest have phones and the youngest has access to them. So, I find it kinder on them and less emotionally disruptive to leave them in peace and if they need me they will call me.

I try very hard not to bother them when DD is with her dad. Historically we have always avoided phoning and wanting to talk to DD. It's harder for her if I do speak to her and she generally just wants to come home then.

I would love there to be some middle ground.

Depends on what the contact is all about surely?

My DP contacts her kids when she wants to find out how they are if they've been ill, remind them of hair, doctor or dental appointments, congratulate them on some achievement or other, school exams etc.

Sounds like a long list but it doesn't turn out to be that often. But when you get texts from the school saying your kids are on unauthorised absence, or another parent tells you theyve been off school il or they message you late at night in tears sometimes you have to break the embargo.

I could do without the whiney face time conversations their dad has with them when they're with us though! Sometimes it's funny listening to the kids being the adult, but less frequently would be nice.