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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Can't bring myself to like Step Son!

100 replies

fubar74 · 19/12/2013 12:38

Last time I posted, my marriage was just about hanging by a thread, SS had moved out and now has a place in a supervised accommodation, he acknowledges it was all his fault but things are still hard and awkward between us all, me and DH can't talk about him AT ALL, he is unbelievably defensive, but I know through his guard being broken down after having a few beers one night that he does think like me that his son isn't a nice person! We have found out that he is pretty much a wanted man-boy, he is a cyber bully (this has been going on years but is now being directed at everyone he knows and he is now being threatened online because of it) and to top it off I think he is secretly telling tales to his younger brothers in private making them hate their dad and voicing it online while backing his dad and me in public... attention seeking at the worst possible level if you ask me.

Now he had a 'gig' with college (he plays the guitar) and the invitation was extended to me too, but I pulled out at the last minute feeling physically sick at the thought of supporting the horrible little monster.

I know it sounds severe but if he was mine I'd go to town on him, but daddy still defends him.

OP posts:
NoAddedSuga · 19/12/2013 12:48

To be honest, i think most of us dont really like our step children.

Unfortunately you just have to put up with them

Just disengage as much as possible

IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce · 19/12/2013 16:36

Wow

TheNightIsDark · 19/12/2013 16:38

Speak for yourself. I love my stepdaughter.

usualsuspect · 19/12/2013 16:40

Maybe he wanted to build bridges if he asked you to the gig.

But as you think.
he's a horrible monster,best you keep out of his life.

Fairy1303 · 19/12/2013 16:44

noaddedsuga my step daughter is one of the things to happen to me! speak for yourself.

OP I think you need to put in whatever boundaries you need to, and DH should support that.

You should absolutely go to the gig.

JumpingJackSprat · 19/12/2013 16:48

How old is step son,? I could never describe mine as a horrible little monster even when he is trying to push all my buttons. If I hated him that much then I couldn't be in a relationship with his dad.

Fairy1303 · 19/12/2013 17:00

one of the best* things to happen to me.

JaquelineHyde · 19/12/2013 18:22

Good God fubar a horrible little monster that you feel sick at the thought of supporting

You by the sounds of it are a monster and I would hate to have someone like you in my life.

I'm not surprised your DH won't talk to you about it when you are harbouring feelings like that about his son. You are a disgrace.

Original poster
fubar74 · 19/12/2013 20:39

So if your 15/16 year old daughter was being bullied online and encouraged to kill herself you wouldn't think that was monstrous woukd you not??? And its not only one he's doing it to either!

OP posts:
Original poster
fubar74 · 19/12/2013 20:45

Maybe some of you should stop bejng so fecking high and mighty and start realising tbat not all children are little darlings

OP posts:
Fairy1303 · 19/12/2013 20:52

Nobody is saying they are little darlings.

I was quite reasonable in my response I thought even though I was shocked at your description of him.

It is his behaviour you don't like.

I agree he needs disciplining for that behaviour, seriously so but monster? No.

Fragglewump · 19/12/2013 20:52

Is your ss getting any help? If he is encouraging children to kill themselves then he needs an urgent camhs referral at the very least!!

Mmmbacon · 19/12/2013 20:52

Fubar, I'm sorry you are going through this,

ok course that kind of behaviour is not acceptable and it sounds like he is an adult/ older teen, so its more like you are talking about a small child,

Take a breather and speak to dh about if he thinks his ds needs sopport our counselling to see if there is something driving his bad behaviour

IHeardMummyDissingParcelforce · 19/12/2013 20:55

Sorry, my response was to NoAddedSuga's post - I couldn't think of any words.

flowerpotgirl12 · 19/12/2013 20:56

in the online world where all sc are saints, there appalling behaviour is always sm fault and if you dare voice an opinion that is not all hearts and flowers you're flamed.

in reality why should you pretend you don't have problems, he sounds like a nightmare and you have a right to not want to go, why should he behave how he likes with no regards to you at all and then expect you to when attend his gig. you shouldn't pretend everything is ok. but you will need to speak to your dh to try and plan a way forward as it is his son. if you feel you can't your dh should support you

Fairy1303 · 19/12/2013 21:01

I don't think all sc are saints. I don't believe all problems are the sm fault either (I'm a full time step parent) my step daughter has her moments but then she is a child.

of course come on here and rant - of course there will be problems, step parenting is bloody stressful and absolutely, the ops ss has behaved appallingly.

but I think it is really important that she tries to build bridges, and I think going to this gig would help that.

Original poster
fubar74 · 19/12/2013 21:04

Maybe some of you should stop bejng so fecking high and mighty and start realising tbat not all children are little darlings

OP posts:
flowerpotgirl12 · 19/12/2013 21:04

I think the fact the thought of it makes the op feel physically sick is a valid reason not to go. I think discussions about how to move forward would be helpful but it should be at the comfort of both parties not just one.

Original poster
fubar74 · 19/12/2013 21:05

Sorry last post was delayed I apologise

OP posts:
Original poster
fubar74 · 19/12/2013 21:10

Thank you for being more understanding, he is 17 almost 18 I would never say that about a 'child' but DH is so defensive if him and no he doesn't know my true feelings but I think he is struggling to cope with the reality of what his son has turned into

OP posts:
DesperateDadof3LittleRascals · 19/12/2013 21:15

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DesperateDadof3LittleRascals · 19/12/2013 21:17

I don't think all children are little darlings OP, I used to work with young offenders. However, Punish him for his bullying, and the things that he is doing wrong, and then support him in the things he is doing well. That's justice. Otherwise you will simply miss opportunities to see any good in him.

Original poster
fubar74 · 19/12/2013 21:35

Pathetic eh? I used to be the one defending them! He's gone way too far he thinks he can say and what he wants then expects everyone to rally round when it all goes wrong, this is NOT a 10 year old we are talking about here he's almost trashed the whole family all relations are up the swanny because of him

OP posts:
Original poster
fubar74 · 19/12/2013 21:36

I'm just not in the right mind to be around him and the more shit he causes the worse I feel, of course I am going to feel like this I've only been married since June!

OP posts:
TuppenceHapeny · 19/12/2013 21:38

You have my sympathies OP. I too have a stepson who has ripped our whole lives apart.

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