Just a little vent regarding double standards!

[palehorsey]

Phone bill arrives and its a bit more than normal. I log in and look at the itemised bill and see that someone has been calling mobiles from the landline. Looking at the date I had a sneaky suspision that it would be DSS as he was staying with us that week and my kids don't tend to use the landline but I didn't say anything.

DP comes home and I say "look at this phonebill, it's a bit high because someone has been calling mobiles. He looks at the list and there are a small number of calls to one mobile number, one of them lasting almost half an hour. He immediately starts saying "that's not on! I'm not happy about this! I know it's not me and it probably isn't you so who has been calling mobiles? half an hour is taking the piss! I'm going to get to the bottom of this!" (he's implying one of my kids are to blame here).

We both put the number into our mobiles. Mine doesn't come up with anything. DP's phone comes up with DSS's girlfriend. So it turns out it was him.

DP goes very quiet and then says "well, to be fair it isn't a huge amount is it? not worth getting worked up over." !!!!!!!!!!!!

He then finishes it off with "little monkey that he is!" oh my god this little monkey is 18!!!!!!!!! Christ on a bleeding moped.

Oh dear! Just reading that made me its so typical.
DP is always on at my kids for leaving a wet towel on their bedroom floor after their bath (rightly so!) but when his dc do it he just picks it up, folds it and puts it away without so much as a word.
at an 18 year old 'little monkey'

Yeah he does something similar. He kicks off when my DS leaves stuff lying around but doesn't mention it when it's his kids.

Example one week - DS was in bother for leaving a crisp packet on the sofa (rightly so) yet later I noticed DSS had left a crisp packet on the window ledge. I purposely pretended not to notice to see DP's reaction - he slyly grabbed it and disposed of it without a word.

Another one was "who has been leaving glasses on the living room floor? no wonder stuff gets spilt!"

I reply "DSS" and he responds with "oh ... well I suppose we're replacing this carpet soon anyway so no bigggie."

Argghhh!!!! they make it so obvious though! do they not realise?

Are they twins?

Seriously, if I didn't laugh about it I would cry!!!
It baffles me because I am not like it with my own kids - if they step out of line I tell them loudly.
I get that they don't see them as much but surely you don't want messy lazy kids around, even if they are your own!!

It's just the same in our house - if I leave the TV on standby, DH tuts about it, yet DSS's bedroom is a severe drain on the national grid and DH is fine about it ......

Same here.

DSS hasn't had contact for 2 years. When we moved over a year later, we cleared out his room. DSD1 asked if she could have an electrical item and keep itin her room. DP gladly gave it to her without a word.

DS (not DP's) asked to borrow another item, DP agreed but made it clear it was only borrowing. Everytime DS mentions using the said item, DP gets huffy and reminds him that it's not his and it actually belongs to DSS (who buggered off leaving not only DP with no contact but completely blanking me and DS - who he was close to).

Double standards. I don't see him getting huffy with DSD.

Also had the issue with the phone bill. DSD mobile phone bill being huge warranted a mild "you shouldn't have done that" telling off. Whereas DP wanted me to give DS a bollocking for going over our broadband useage (which couldn't completely be blamed on DS anyway).

Same here too! I treat ALL 4 kids the same. My DP's tone of voice is even different when he talks to my DC.

Me, I'm just the same with them all!

My DP has just had a major chewing out over double standards whilst DD4 and DSD10 where doing the same thing, (feet on coffee table), he told DD4 of but not DSD10.

He also sends DD4 to her room for cheekiness, back chat, etc yet when I told DSD10 off attitude, he backed me up until the tears started and I received 2 hrs later an extremely insincere 'sorry'. DSD usually does this with a smirk.

I have now started on a different track from ...trying to be her adult friend...detaching...; to just letting DSD10 know that if she treats me like crap I will call her on it.

It does make DP have to deal with something he has said he realises DSD10 does but he does not want to upset her by calling her on it. I have no qualms about being the evil stepmum, but decent behavior will be expected in my home.

DSD10, when told off for her disrespectful behavior does decide she wants to go home and I believe this is used as a weapon against DP as he gets very upset and then DP tries to appease her.

Since I have gone from detaching to reclaiming my home as my domain, with rules for ALL kids not just my own, but DP's aswell I feel better and don't have to bite my tongue and get continuously annoyed that DP can tell my kids off but not his own.

DSD is also, slowly, learning the rules of the house and being a better DSD for it.

Serious question, why do you put up with this double standard on treatment? I would hate to live in a house where it was made clear by mums partner I was not equal to his kids. Really horrible way to live. Can't be happy for your children living like that, what are they gaining?

I agree with whois and think that you need a serious discussion about it, sit down calmly and tell him what you told us in the OP. He either needs to be tough with his own son or more relaxed with your children, maybe he doesn't realise that he is doing it.

Dp tries this as well but gets called on it everytime. It usually ends up in a row but I wont have my children singled out where his is not. If he tells my kids off where deserved I back him everytime and even times when it wouldn't have been the decision I chose but if he lets dsd do something he wouldn't let dd do then I speak up everytime or else it just breeds resentment which gets misdirected at the step child and not the parent.