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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Can I get PR for DSS?

8 replies

bonnymiffy · 04/09/2013 10:57

DSS (aged 11) moved in with us on Sunday night and DH had to take Monday (an inset day luckily) off to get him a place at our local secondary school (his Mum, and the school he was due to start at are around 40 miles away and in a different county). He drove round most of the county (it's not that big!) to get the application in and processed and uniform purchased so DSS could start with all the other new starters yesterday. Which meant that I took him in for his first day and had a load of forms to fill in, details of who to contact in an emergency, etc. So, I'm an SAHM (we have 2 DDs) and am most likely to be around during the school day should something happen, but I don't have PR. I've looked on the gov.uk website but it only tells you what to do if you're the father. Does anyone have any advice on how I could do this? Or are there any reasons why it might be advisable not to have it? He's (for the most part) a lovely boy (like any other 11 year old I guess!!) and I just want to do the right thing by him, but be secure in the knowledge that it's all legally above board. Does anyone have any wisdom on the subject, please?

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sanityseeker75 · 04/09/2013 11:24

Not a lot of wisdom but you can obtain Step Parent PR. You can only do this though if both parents that have PR currently sign to agree to it.

The benefits is that you are then legally responsible for DSS and can take to doctors, dentist etc.

In reality though my DH does not have PR for my son who he has lived with since he was 3 or 4 (now 14) and never needed it. He has took my DS to doctors, school pick when ill etc and it has never been an issue. All that is needed is a letter to the doctors or school from dad if he has R giving consent to deal with you.

I have not got PR for my DSC and again have taken DSD to doctors and hospital appointments etc and nobody has ever question it. Now I have the same name as DSC but not DS and nobody have ever asked him or me if I am his mom.

It could be that his mom would then decide that she wants him back if you ask her to sign giving you PR and even if that doesn't happen I believe that even if you and you DH were to end marriage you would still have PR which means that you may still be financially responsible (it may be that you can go to court to apply for the R to be removed - I am not sure).

I suppose what I am saying is yes you can but there are a lot of considerations and it would depend on DSS mom also - sorry probably not much help.

purpleroses · 04/09/2013 12:53

As far as the school are concerned you don't really need it - your DH can put you on the form as an emergency contact and authorised to pick DSS up, and then you will be fine.

GPs can, in theory at least, be more tricky. So you might want to think about getting it if the move is permanent.

I've not got it for my DSC, which does bother me a little as I have been left in charge of them with DP out the country and their mum not contactable - though think that for any real emergency if you turn up with a DC in your care, they will get A&E treatment, etc whilst they try to contact a parent. It's more if you're taking him to GP or dentist for routine things, or to register that you might want it.

It's easy enough to get if his mum agrees (it doesn't take anything away from her - she retains it too, though she might not realise this)

Xalla · 04/09/2013 14:18

Agreed that you don't really need it in practice.

I don't have PR for my DSD (and actually, I wouldn't want it) but I've still filled out forms at school, checked her in and out of clubs, taken her abroad, flown with her, taken her for vaccinations, to the dentist, the hairdresser, you name it! I'm sure there are times when I certainly should have been asked if I had it but it never happened!

UC · 05/09/2013 11:48

Also agree you don't need it in practice. My DSS's school have their mum, their dad and me down as emergency contacts. They try us in turn if something happens.

I have taken DSSs to docs, hospital etc, and never had an issue. The doctor has assumed I am DSS's mum on occasion, even though I always say stepmum. However, if I was the one who had to take DSS into hospital etc. if they were working for example, I would phone his mum and dad, we would talk, they would come, my DSs pick ups would be taken into account etc etc. Essentially what I'm saying is there is trust between us all.

SamanthaMulder · 05/09/2013 17:32

DP & I aren't even married yet, but I believe that DSS2 (7)'s school would not release him to his DM without DP's prior consent. I however have collected DSS2 on several occasions when DP's been otherwise engaged. Due to DSS's DM being difficult in the past and refusing to collect DSS2 when he'd been injured in school (she's a SAHM and lives less than a 5 minute drive away) which meant DP (self employed) had to leave a business meeting and ended up losing a contract, both DSS1 & 2's schools now have me as the seconary contact in an emergency even though I work a half hour train ride away - she's No.3 on the lists.

We've thought about applying for me to have PR, but I think she would then push for her DH to have PR as well which DP would never agree to.

ChinaCupsandSaucers · 05/09/2013 18:12

I believe that DSS2 (7)'s school would not release him to his DM without DP's prior consent

Without a Court Order in place prohibiting her contact with them, the school would be very foolish not to (teaching careers have been ended over this issue)

A stepmums marital status makes absolutely no legal difference to their role in the DCs day to day life, btw.

mumandboys123 · 05/09/2013 22:14

I agree the schools would be on dodgy ground -they have no right to refuse to release a child to a parent without evidence of a court order to the contrary. However, my children's school refused to allow my children go with their dad - he had previously been absent from their lives for 18 months or so and although I had spoken at the school gate to a teaching assistant that morning saying dad would pick up, the message didn't get through. One teacher saw him in the playground and kept the children inside until they had spoken with me. My ex was fuming but I believe it was the right thing in the circumstances.

fifi669 · 09/09/2013 22:00

Parental responsibility doesn't have any financial implications..... It can be given to parents, step parents, grandparents, social services.... I think you can have 6? in place at once.

I think if SDC is likely to become close to you and the other parent is absent, PR would be a useful tool to hang in to them should something happen to DH.

DS has only known DP despite bio dad living locally. I'm sure if I popped my clogs and DS had my insurance pay out the ex would crawl out of the woodwork to try and claim him. I hope that PR would help prevent this.

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