I've asked MNHQ...

[ChinaCupsandSaucers]

.....if we can have a little 'note' at the top of the Stepparenting board, with a list of acronyms that cause offence - to ensure that posters get support and threads aren't sidetracked by inadvertent use of common phrases that are less welcome here on MN;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/1811572-Board-notes

when its used here on MN, users are referred to as dense/ignorant/thoughtless

No, people who continue to use/defend it after someone has said that it's rather offensive are dense/ignorant/thoughtless. That was my point.

A few specific posters objecting to something does not make it so.

And I have seen it over and over and over not just once I was generalising as well as referring to the most recent example.

This is a case of the vocal minority trying to flex their proverbial muscles. Mumsnet should be addressing the accepted culture that it's open season on step parents.

Using BM inadvertently is the least of the concerns over the SP board.

No, people who continue to use/defend it after someone has said that it's rather offensive are dense/ignorant/thoughtless. That was my point.

What makes that someone right?

To clarify, I meant Personally, it's because I didn't expect those using the term to be so dense that they can't deal with the fact that it is inappropriate to use it to describe an involved parent once it's been pointed out to them.

I find tattoos offensive
I don't
Well I do and I don't think people with visible tattoos should hold public office

Does the person with the tattoo have them lazered away simply because someone doesn't like them or is the person who is offended by them wrong

Just because someone doesn't like something - doesn't make that someone right or mean other people should bow down and obey them.

What makes that someone right?

Do you apply that to any term you've been told is found offensive?
Do you continue to use other offensive words even though you've been told they are offensive?

To a certain extent it doesn't matter whether you think they are right. It is called consideration.

As I said Why should any of us moderate our behaviour in order to get along? It's called being considerate of others. If a term is found offensive, the benefit to the general community of not using it is greater than any loss of freedom of speech on the part of those using it.

Sheesh, honestly. I still just don't see that use of 'bm' is anything other than a bit of Internet typing shorthand. Of course in real life I either use her name or call her dsd mum. I frequent another vastly more tolerant sp forum, and bm is not used in any way to belittle the role of the mother, or to be rude or to imply anything at all. If someone is writing a post complaining about the bm, use of bm is irrelevant to the complaint.

I would think in 99% of posts, use of bm means absolutely nothing, and I don't see why those who find it offensive for whatever reason can't find it in themselves to gloss over it. When there is no intent, there is no crime! (Unless you're a step parent of course ....)

What a ridiculous analogy. There is a difference between actually being described as something and simply seeing something (eg a tattoo) on another person you don't like.

When there is no intent, there is no crime! (Unless you're a step parent of course ....)

Or your partner's Ex.

Anyway, this is pointless as some people clearly couldn't give a fuck about whether they cause offense.

Its no more ridiculous than a small minority of mumsnet police interfering and undermining a very supportive board.

Everything about SPs offends someone on mumsnet. And taking offense at something that is not offensive isn't the problem of the poster

Accuracy over everything.
Birth mother is accurate.
Step parent is accurate
To imply a child is your birth child when you are its step aren't is a lie and that kind of terminology should be stamped out.

I'm offended by the number of people who come into SP just to have a dig.
I'm offended that large numbers of posters have to hide the fact that they are step parents in order to get a measured response.
I'm offended that new posters are so upset by the response they get (from people who rarely post in SP) that they leave mumsnet when they were looking for help.
I'm offended that SP posters are often driven to tears as people usually and up here in desperation.
I'm offended that incidents like this leave people who are already struggling feeling like yet another avenue of support is closed to them.

I'm not offended by what some ppeople think BM means.

Pagwatch
"No.that wasn't my arguement.
I was correcting the pooint you said I had made (which i hadn't ) for what I actually had said"

Actually, I didn't at any point specify what you, as opposed to any other poster, said

78buinion

you can't take the emotive out of names

should I call my nan my 'step-step nan' as that is her legal position?

nan is easier and portrays the relationship we have so much better

Like the poster above, I often PM people to warn them that they are about to be bullied. I am offended by the fact that I have to, especially since a bit of clarity - in the form of a "Note" for example - would save a lot of pain and effort. Clarity is always good; a lot better than bullying.

If there was a note it would be nice if it read along the lines of "if you inadvertently use BM for clarification you are likely to get harassed and bullied by a minority of posters at a time when you are looking for support - mumsnet does not agree with this stance but as we seem unable to tackle it - we had best warn you about it instead."

I think the argument is some people are offended by BM, but so what?
You're offended, and?

I wouldn't not use an acceptable phrase because someone is offended by it. Balls to that, I don't like things some people say or do, but if it's legal it's their choice and right to do them.

If we get a majority who want to ban swearing as they are offended by it would that be ok?

I hope you are now as bored of this as I am Allnew. It really is just about 'yeah, and so is your mum' level.

If you want to debate swearing on mn I will happily engage with you, perhaps on a new thread rager than clogging up this one with snarky drivel.

needaholiday absolutely spot on.

Did you read my long copy and paste of Malificents post? Most using.

Have just read the thread in its entirety.... Phew, [lies down for a mo to recover].

I find the Preview Message feature helpful and I don't think it is used enough. Perhaps if people could only pause sometimes and see how something reads before sending it, they might be less Trigger-happy. Agreed it isnt as fun or entertaining to some people, but its the right thing to do, that is why the feature is there!

FWIW I recently posted a thread asking for some advice regarding my DSCs, having lost my DM a few years ago. I couldn't believe that a poster asked whether I was the OW. I cannot think of any reason EVER where I would need to ask anyone here whether they were the OW - i would be able to offer perfectly valid and (i would hope) helpful supportive advice without asking such a question. So I just cannot support the justification to put a MNer in that position of talking about such a confidential matter unless they volunteered it.

Maybe that could be one of the Ground Rules .... The "were you the OW?" Is offensive and intrusive. Please dont ask!!

The issue of a minority vs the majority on MN is very pertinent.