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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

i need help/advice

16 replies

zannii · 07/07/2013 14:39

So I have a 5 month old daughter, my first child, but her dad already has 3 other kids, me and her dad are together, but I have never met his other kids because of the mother she won't allow it! So that means my daughter has not met her siblings and vice versa. I really want them to meet but the mother just won't allow it, which in my eyes is so wrong, and obviously this is causing big arguments with me and my partner. What can I do? Is there any legal route I can go down or anything? Or is that not possible because obviously those kids are nothing to do with me. I just want this sorted and I want my daughter to know her siblings. PLEASE HELP!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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NotYoMomma · 07/07/2013 14:42

your dp can get a court order for access surely, then what goes on in his access and who the children see is down to him.

if he won't do that he is being selfish

Original poster

zannii · 07/07/2013 14:59

He sees them every other Saturday but she says it has to be at her house, which obviously I am not happy about. If he went for a court order could she not demand that its supervised access" so then its still the same situation, because that's basically what it is at the moment, because she won't let him take them off because she doesn't want them meeting us

OP posts:

IneedAyoniNickname · 07/07/2013 19:25

Afaik it would only be supervised if there are concerns about him being left alone with the children. Even if supervised context is ordered in court, once he proves he's not a threat to them, the court order usually changes.

DragonsAreReal · 07/07/2013 19:29

Your baby is only 5 months, she won't remember this at all. When she's older the other dc mum hopefully will have moved on and weekend access will be arranged and it will hopefully all work out!

I wouldn't argue with my dp over no other woman, fuck that disengage and don't allow it to wind you up. Your baby has 18 years of childhood in front of her to get to know her other siblings.

Original poster

zannii · 07/07/2013 19:42

He's not a threat to them she knows that, it is literally just because she doesn't like me being around.

I no my baby is only 5 months and doesn't know what is going on at the moment, but his other kids are at an understanding age, and I feel they should of known her from the beginning, because if they ever do meet, its going to be weird for them and then they will ask questions as to why they are only meeting her years down the line

OP posts:

DragonsAreReal · 07/07/2013 19:47

That's not your problem and she will have to answer to them why they haven't always known her. Don't engage it's not your problem.

IneedAyoniNickname · 07/07/2013 19:47

Sorry I didn't mean he is a threat to them, just that she might say that as a way of forcing supervised contact.

Even though your dd is so young I personally think this is something that needs to be sorted sooner rather than later.
And thinking about it, if it went to court a judge may well rule that the dc all have a right to meet each other.

oopsadaisymaisy · 07/07/2013 19:52

What a sad story op. I would love my son to be part of his dads new family, but he's not welcome. It sounds like you've done all you can. Hopefully the other children will understand when they're older that it wasn't your doing. Good luck. What a lovely lady you are.

Original poster

zannii · 07/07/2013 20:15

No I no U didn't mean he was a threat, yes she would do exactly that and make out that he was.

I agree it needs to b sorted sooner rather than later, for his other kids sake more really cos there abit older and understand more, but seems to me what she says goes, which is a joke because it will mess with my daughters life

Court would seem to b the only way of getting this sorted, its just making him go, I think he seems to think it will make worse, but surely court would say alternate weekends at his/our residence?

OP posts:

IneedAyoniNickname · 07/07/2013 20:21

Ah that's ok then, glad I wasn't misunderstood.

I don't think court could make it worse, even if he gets supervised contact its not really any worse than he gets now.

Hope.you get it sorted soon x

holidaysarenice · 07/07/2013 20:22

If she got supervised contact then it can take place at a contact centre. I think the sooner ur dp builds a relationship with his kids away from their mum the better.

And yes I think court would be a good idea for getting a clear access plan.

Original poster

zannii · 07/07/2013 20:34

He used to have them every other weekend at his, but then wen she found out about me she stopped it and said he had to see them at her house.

I dont know on what grounds she can say it has to be supervised cos there's just no need for it, but she will do everything to b difficult.

OP posts:

PrettyPaperweight · 07/07/2013 20:58

its just making him go, I think he seems to think it will make worse, but surely court would say alternate weekends at his/our residence?

OP, this isn't your fight to be involved in.

If your DP doesn't want to fight for his DCs to spend time with him, and their step-sibling, then there is nothing you can do about that.
You may have less respect for him as a result, and may believe he is placing his ex ahead of your shared DC, but that's his choice; you can't make him do anything.

PrettyPaperweight · 07/07/2013 21:04

Half, not step sibling, of course - sorry!

JumpingJackSprat · 07/07/2013 21:06

Agree its up to your dp to sort this out and put his foot down with the ex. does he know how strongly you feel about this?

Original poster

zannii · 07/07/2013 21:17

I no its up to him to sort, I can't even though I do get hasseling txts from her occasionally, because she some how got my number! Yes he knows how strongly I feel, and always says I really want them to meet im trying to sort it, but the nicey nicey softly softly approach dont work, he needs to put his foot down, but clearly doesn't want to piss her off because he doesn't know what she mite do

OP posts:

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