Spending time with DSD

[Moomoomee]

Hi I have a DSS (7), a DSD (4) and a 10 month old DS.

The DSC visit at weekends and during the week they are at their mums. Up until now, me and the mother have been civil, not really had a lot of conversation but not out and out unfriendly.

Last weekend me, DSD and DS went to soft play together while DSS had some time at home with his dad. Everyone was happy. Me and DSC get on fine. Sometimes if DSD is ill, it's easier for me to look after her while DSS goes out and has fun.

However this weekend DSS said to me that "Mummy said that DSD should spend less time with you and more time with Daddy and that we aren't here to see you"

How would you feel? It's made me feel like I shouldn't spend any time on my own with DSD and I should keep myself away from them. Would you confront the mother about it as I'm also not happy about messages getting passed to me through him.

Thoughts gratefully received

Grow a thicker skin. 7 year olds repeat what they hear they are meant to or not, their mum just may be venting and perhaps jealous/upset that the dsc like you?

Also it would be good for dsd to get one on one with her dad too

Yeah DSD gets plenty of one on one time with her dad too. It's only occasionally that we spend time alone together, same with DSS.

You're right. I should probably just ignore it. Just wish that I didn't have to hear it from DSS.

she wasn't 'passing a message through him'. She had expressed an opinion to the child - rightly or wrongly - there is nothing in what he has said that suggests you were supposed to get that 'message'. She shouldn't be behaving in that way and that's not acceptable but if she's that way inclined, having a word in whatever way you have a word is more than likely going to back fire on the child ('why did you tell step mum that?') as well as push up the hostility and make life even more difficult for everyone.

Ignore it. These things happen.

I get the same with my dss. I spent an afternoon cooking with him (his dm doesn't cook with him at home) gave him a bubble bath which he asked if he could have, and then a few hours before his dad came home to do what he wanted. He told his mum he spent a lot of his day with me on the phone which he said he enjoyed and his mums reply was, well why weren't you with your dad. He replied, because he was working but K8eee and I had so much fun......

I felt a bit bad as though we have rubbed her nose in it but I kind of cant help it!