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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Helping on Wedding Day

9 replies

chillikate · 09/05/2013 15:49

My friends son (7) has asked to sit with us at his mums wedding. Shes said that he is getting more withdrawn as the wedding gets closer so just wants him to be happy. Any suggestions of how I can help make the day memorable for him, but in his own way?? I was wondering whether to get him & my DS some disposable cameras and let them zap away and he can then make his own album of the day,

His mum & partner have been together for 4 years and have a 3.5 year DD together. He has never had any contact with his dad and adores his SD, and they are going through the adoption process.

Any thoughts on what might be worrying him?? I know that the change in surname has been mentioned many times (he has his mothers maiden name). I just want him to have a happy day.

Any advice much appreciated.

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purpleroses · 09/05/2013 16:57

Disposable cameras are a great idea - DSis had them at her wedding and kept my DS happy for hours.

Of if he's technically minded and you can manage it, a digital camera and laptop to unload onto could be a fun project for him and your DS.

Is he worried about clothing? My DS absolutely hated being made to dress up smart at that age. Will his DSis be with you too? Could he be charged with helping look after her?

It's probably all just a bit new and unpredictable for him - doubt he's been to that many weddings, and the people who'd normally be sitting with him and looking after him will probably be a bit distracted. Wouldn't equate any worries about the wedding with having any problems with them being married.

MorningHasBroken · 09/05/2013 17:30

My dsd and dss were uber excited about us getting married but definitely a but funny in the lead up to the actual wedding - they were wary of it being a big change in their lives, of not knowing what to actually do on the day, who was going to look after them etc, on the actual day dss made himself sick as he got so stressed about being on 'best' behaviour and wanting it all be perfect. He was 10 at the time.

Maybe make up a goody bag for him and your son so they have lots of distractions during the boring bits? Quiet ones for the wedding part but also some letting-off-steam ones for when they can get outside.

Maybe talk him through the day so he knows what to expect as well?

BackforGood · 09/05/2013 17:39

I would say a digital camera will be more fun for him, as he can see what he's 'capturing'. Maybe make it his 'job' to get photos of everyone at the wedding, or something to give him something to focus on a bit on the day?

mumandboys123 · 09/05/2013 19:22

the kidizoom cameras are fab as they can be dropped - and they have games on them for those bored moments (not so good during the ceremony, perhaps!). They have software etc. that can be downloaded and they can do daft things with the photos. Perhaps an expensive gift from you but if mum is willing to get one, I think it would be more exciting than a bog standard digital camera. My 9 year old loves ours although he would never admit it!

DeskPlanner · 09/05/2013 20:27

You sound a lovely friend. Hope the little boy has a lovely day. And yes to the camera idea.

brdgrl · 10/05/2013 01:37

Agree with the camera and with giving him a job to do with it.

What kind of things has he been saying/asking about the name? This might be really important to him, maybe if his mum is changing her name but he is keeping his he is worried about that? Or on the other hand, if he is being adopted and his name is being changed too, it would be understandable to have worries.

Agree too that this may not be a sign of any deeper anxiety about the 'blended family', but just about the event!

Kaluki · 10/05/2013 11:36

I believe that names are important to children.
My name is different to my sons (they have their dad's name - we weren't married). They are fine with it but recently they have both said they wouldn't be happy if DP and I got married as I would have the same name as him and the DSC and they would be the odd ones out rather than us all having different names.!

The camera idea is great - he is lucky to have you!

ivykaty44 · 10/05/2013 11:41

I would ask him what the day means for him, try asking open questions that he can't say yes or no to to try to establish what i is that may be bothering him - perhaps he thinks the day will change everything? Or he may lose his mum in some way - it could be something has been said and he completely misunderstood.

Does the boy have an part to play in the day, page boy, ring holder? or has he shyed away from an active part?

Original poster

chillikate · 12/05/2013 21:57

Thanks for your comments. I think we'll take our "old" digital camera and laptop with us. Hes staying in our hotel room with us so we might have time on Sunday morning to look through the photos. I think that its his mum changing her name that worries him. He adores his stepdad. The adoption is taking its time because although his natural dad has never had any interest him and nor has he paid maintenance he is in no hurry to sign the papers.

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