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Step-parenting

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Original poster

WWYD? CSA arrears payment?

27 replies

NotaDisneyMum · 29/03/2013 13:17

The CSA have finally sorted out DPs CSA assessment based on his first job after 12 months of unemployment- it's taken 4 months, during which time ex hasn't been receiving anything (despite DP suggesting they enter into a private arrangement, when he was unemployed, she insisted on sticking with the CSA so that "she gets what she is entitled to".
There is an arrears to pay - which DP can negotiate to pay off in instalments or pay as a lump-sum (on my credit card which we'll pay off over a few months).

I've suggested that he ask his ex which she would prefer him to do - whether she wants the lump sum, or would prefer a bit more every month for the next few months.

Has anyone else involved their DSC mum in this decision?

OP posts:
feetlkeblocksofice · 29/03/2013 20:48

My exp had arrears to pay and chose to pay bit by bit in his CSA payment, tbh I would have preferred a lump sum. I would've appreciated a choice but I suppose for exp a lump sum wasn't possible. Very nice of you to give her the option though Smile

racmun · 29/03/2013 23:08

No way would I offer a lump sum if you're going to get into debt on your credit card for it.

At least with the CSA monthly arrears schedule you have to pay it - problem with a credit card is you may miss it one month if you're a bit tight etc and it will end up costing you a fortune and I doubt you'll get any thanks for getting yourself into debt either!

mumandboys123 · 30/03/2013 08:29

seriously racmum, what business is it of the ex to know whether or not their ex is 'getting into debt' as a result of paying child maintenance? The father has an obligation to pay - he hasn't paid for sometime (not his fault, CSA are dreadful at reassessment, took 8 months once for me!) so does it no occur to you that the ex may well be in debt as a result? At least NADM and her partner are trying to sort it out and be fair about it.

purpleroses · 30/03/2013 08:29

Given what you've said I wouldn't offer a lump sum as sounds like she prefers to let the CSA organise things their way and credit cards have high interest. But good to make sure she knows the payments for X weeks including Y extra arrears so she doesn't get upset when they go back down.

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 30/03/2013 08:58

mumandboys She may well have incurred her own debt over the last 18 months; DP did give her as much notice as he could of his redundancy and warned her that it wasn't going to be easy for him to find something else. - I hope not though, and certainly based on casual observation, she seems to have coped with the reduction in household income without it impacting on the DCs standard of living; they've still had overseas holidays, ex has recently bought a new car and they have had days out, takeouts etc as usual.

I hope she's not relying on the arrears and payments being as much as they were before though; the job DP has pays less than half what he earned previously, and its only temporary, so in a few months, the payments might stop again!

I'm hoping that this particular issue doesn't cause more hostility - but if she is in debt, and relying on a large arrears payment to sort that out, then it's quite likely that she'll react negatively towards DP if theres less than she expected - based on previous experience at least.

OP posts:
Fleecyslippers · 30/03/2013 10:30

Just pay her the money that you owe her and spend less time obsessing about how many takeaways she buys.

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 30/03/2013 10:42

fleecy What a peculiar comment! Do you think I owe her money?

OP posts:
Fleecyslippers · 30/03/2013 11:13

Why is it peculiar ? You owe her money, you have the means to pay it so pay it. What she chooses to spend it on and how much debt she may or may not have is none of your business. Choosing to pay in installments when you could pay a lump sum suggests a certain level of control IMO.

balia · 30/03/2013 11:19

That's a bit rude, Fleecy - the comments about standard of living were in answer to someone else's question and to do with whether the ex may be in debt. Choosing to pay in installments is generally a good financial decision - or am I trying to 'control' British Gas?

WhatTheWaterGaveMe · 30/03/2013 11:24

OP doesn't owe, her partner owes.

OP is offering her partner to use HER credit card to offer a lump sum - so actually don't you think she's being quite generous offering to help like that to keep the peace?

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 30/03/2013 11:25

They're not my DCs - so I don't have any responsibility for the CSA arrears as far as I understand, do I?

To be fair, it wasn't me but another poster who raised the issue of whether or not she is in debt - I was only replying to the comment, hardly obsessing!

OP posts:
Fleecyslippers · 30/03/2013 11:26

British gas probably aren't relying on you to pay for new shoes and a school trip.

Fleecyslippers · 30/03/2013 11:31

If it's nothing to do with you why are you even asking the question ?

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 30/03/2013 11:36

I think it's great that you feel able to offer her a choice. I personally would go for the extra each month though, without offering the choice, because if the job is only temporary, you would still have the credit card debt to pay if you paid it on one lump sum.

Makes more financial sense to me, for you and your DP. At least then, for a few months, the RP will be getting slightly more towards her outgoings. Yes it will drop after, and may stop, but she CHOSE for it all to go through the CSA.

I'd honestly offer the arrears over a few months, as a top up payment to the standard maintenance, especially as it will be far less than it was before (but more than nothing while he was unemployed!).

Don't get yourself into credit card debt, with associated interest payments, for CSA arrears caused by their indeterminable slowness!

CabbageLeaves · 30/03/2013 11:37

NADM. I think it's great that your ex is discussing possible maintenance changes upfront with her. I can also see why it affects you since you operate as a financial team.

Snorbs · 30/03/2013 11:44

Given the circumstances I'd say pay by installments.

That being said, next time this happens I'd suggest to your DP that while the CSA are working it out he put some money aside every month. It's easy enough to estimate child maintenance.

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 30/03/2013 12:10

snorbs we did try and do have a little bit squirreled away - but I was made redundant 6 months before DP so it's been a bit hand to mouth!

OP posts:
racmun · 30/03/2013 15:51

Fleecy

From what op said the pwc chose to use the CSA she therefore has to deal with the fact that they are incredibly slow and IMO incompetent at doing the most basic calculations.

Also if you are going to start worrying about financial situations I suspect the op and her dh have probably had it harder as he's been unemployed therefore 0 income- not just 15 /20 % etc down

olibeansmummy · 30/03/2013 16:28

Urge I hate this topic at the moment. Next comes the accusations of you being the OW and claims that you must hate your step kids...

I'd be paying the money back in instalments. That's what the csa require and if she wants to use the csa then that's what she gets. If you had the money sat there in the bank then fair enough, it would be fair to pay it, but to put it on a credit card, especially when your dh is only in temporary employment, could end up putting you in a really tricky situation and get you into even more debt.9

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 30/03/2013 16:40

olibean the CSA seem quite keen on lump-sum payments - when this happened last time (their calculation error that time), they asked DP for a lumpsum credit card payment of four figures there and then! We did pay it - or rather I did out of my redundancy pay - but DP felt really pressured and was told that instalments can only be agreed in exceptional circumstances!
He's a lot more clued up to the CSA now though.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 30/03/2013 16:43

do it though csa in instalments - they take years ime but if she wants it to go through csa then so be it

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 30/03/2013 16:52

oli thinking about it, the anti-SM comments - 'none of your business' 'you should pay' and so on are quite reassuring - otherwise, I'd begin to doubt my own opinion of DPs ex Wink The hostile and negative comments here mimic DPs ex so at least I know I'm not imagining it, and it also means that her attitude isn't personally directed at me !

OP posts:
olibeansmummy · 30/03/2013 16:52

I'm not surprised NADM, they want to make it easier for themselves! I'd just be really concerned about running up a massive credit cards bill, especially when ( I believe) you have your own kids and at least one step child living with you. You might need that money to fall back on and if you can't pay the bill for a while, you'll get into massive debt and get a bad credit rating.

olibeansmummy · 30/03/2013 16:53

Lol I just wish people would stop projecting without knowing the facts!

IneedAsockamnesty · 30/03/2013 21:47

NADM.

Instalments will probably be better for her as well.

But can I just say (I'm sure it was you unless I'm mixing you up with another poster of I am I'm sorry.) but I have been massively impressed at how much you have changed the way you think about the ex,its really very positive ad I admire you greatly for making that effort Flowers