Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Can a child live with a step parent without legal parent

12 replies

Grumpaloo99 · 29/01/2013 23:04

I have 1 dd aged 12 who lives with her mother and step father along with 2 half siblings. Her mother has left the family home and left all of the children behind including my dd. step parent has no parental responsibility. Am I legally able to demand she either takes dd with her or I will remove dd from the house and take her to my house and apply for custody. Urgently need respons to this. Thanks.

OP posts:
Xalla · 30/01/2013 06:25

It's a tricky one because while her SF has no basis to legally keep here there, if that's been your daughter's home for the last few years and she has siblings there, that's probably where she'd rather stay. At 12, the courts will take her feelings into consideration.

You can't demand that her mother takes her (she may not be able to take her - where has she gone?). It may well be the case that your daughter would be better left with her step-father, in the family home, near her school etc. - the courts like to maintain the 'status quo' where possible.
I'd repost in legal and also perhaps on the Families Need Fathers website.

purpleroses · 30/01/2013 08:36

Do you have parental responsibility for her? You won't have it unless you were married to her mum, or applied for it through court. Not sure about turning up and trying to take her - apart from it being messy and unpleasant (and 12 year olds are far too big to physically force anywhere they don't want to go), her mum is within rights to leave her in her stepdad's care on a temporary basis, so it would be up to a court to argue whether she had left permanently - ie apply for custody first, don't just turn up and try and take her, unless she's keen to come and live with you.

What does your dd and her stepdad think about the arrangement?

AngelWreakinHavoc · 30/01/2013 08:39

Have You spoken to your DD and her step dad to see what they want?

Thumbwitch · 30/01/2013 08:40

Do you have any fears for your DD's safety? Or are you just unhappy that she is now living with a non-bio parent only?

CremeEggThief · 30/01/2013 08:43

My STBXH's step-sister chose to live with her stepdad and half-sister, after her mum and step-dad's marriage broke down. She was only a baby when they got together though and she was 16 at the time of the split.

yerblurt · 30/01/2013 10:23

As others have said, what is the situation - why has mum left, has there been a crisis, do you know where she has gone. Is this likely to be a short-term situation etc.

You could do with trying to have a chat with the child to get her view on matters.

I would contact the school to let them know of the situation, have a meeting urgently with the headteacher to explain the situation - they need to be aware incase there are any changes in the child's behaviour/schooling.

I wonder whether to provide some form of stability whether you should be arranging to collect the child from school so she can temporarily live with you. If you have PR then this should present no problems. Don't go thinking about court stuff yet, that is potentially a very messy route.

keep strong

UC · 30/01/2013 12:21

How well do you get on with your ex? Could you talk to her and find out what's going on?

I would definitely be talking to your daughter, to see what she wants to do. She is probably going through a horrible time, and personally I would want her to know I would help her, support her, make it clear she could come and live with me if she wanted (but this may rely on her school being accessible from your home), but I don't think I'd force the issue. There is too much else going on for her. Do you see your daughter regularly? How does she get on with her step dad?

WakeyCakey · 01/02/2013 22:13

My DP has seen this thread and he said he would definitely go and get her if it was his DD as she should be with a parent.

I think you should go around to chat at least, her step-dad is probably struggling a little if his wife has just got up and left.
It would probably be best for her to split her time between the two so she can see her half siblings enough but you need to be able to be her 'main carer'

Why don't you talk to get DSF to see what he thinks too? We're they together a long time?

WakeyCakey · 01/02/2013 22:17

My DP has seen this thread and he said he would definitely go and get her if it was his DD as she should be with a parent.

I think you should go around to chat at least, her step-dad is probably struggling a little if his wife has just got up and left.
It would probably be best for her to split her time between the two so she can see her half siblings enough but you need to be able to be her 'main carer'

Why don't you talk to get DSF to see what he thinks too? We're they together a long time?

WakeyCakey · 01/02/2013 22:18

Sorry didn't mean to post twice

ArkadyRose · 01/02/2013 22:36

purpleroses Not true; OP doesn't have to have been married to the mother - simply named on the birth certificate.

Step-parents do not automatically get parental responsibility upon marrying the parent - so unless there is a residential order in place that names all children resident at that address and lists the step-parent as a person with parental responsibility, then assuming the OP has PR then they are legally entitled to remove their daughter from that home in the absence of the mother.

millie30 · 02/02/2013 00:07

Purpleroses is right about the parental responsibility issue. Being named on the birth certificate only grants PR for births registered after 2003, so going on the DD's age he would need to have been married to the mother or have obtained a court order.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread