BM won't let dsd have her belongings - anyone know if there's anything we can do?

[NotActuallyAMum]

dsd has come to live with DP and I after a huge row with her mum. The only clothes she has are one pair of jogging bottoms, a bit of underwear, a few tops, a coat and some trainers. BM says she's not having the rest of her things. We can't afford to buy her a complete new wardrobe, and anyway we don't see why we should - her mum has no reason to keep them. dsd goes back to school on Monday after the Easter holidays so we desperately need her school uniform

If DP goes round to her house it's just going to cause yet another row. We wondered if the police would be prepared to send someone round with dsd so that she can collect her things without any trouble

We'd really appreciate any help or advice

Dont worry Naam give her a while to settle in and then you can go back to your lie-ins. Shes old enough to sort out brekkie and telly herself on a Sunday morning.

In fact shes old enough to do that AND bring you and dp breakkie IN BED at a suitably late hour having run out to buy you the paper too.

Well you can dream anyway.

lol tarantuless

DP is either at work or in bed in the mornings at weekends depending on what shift he's on, apart from 1 in 4 when it's his weekend off. He said the same as you - I should let her go downstairs on her own, she can get something to eat and watch TV till I get up but I just can't do it atm, it's soooooo strange having someone else in the house. I've never been on my own with her before and still feel that, although we do get on well and always have, we really don't know each other. Obviously that will quickly change now and hopefully then I'll feel more comfortable with things in general

NAAM you're doing great. Of course you're going to find it a huge change, especially as you don't have any children of your own. I can remember how shocked I felt when I thought there was a possibility of dsd coming to live with us. The school run a couple of years earlier than I anticipated was not good news for me .

Good news about her belongings, but it is awful that her mum won't give her her phone back. What on earth does she think it will achieve by refusing to hand it over?

Does she like watching DVDs or videos? If dh is ever out for the night and I'm with dsd we go to the library to choose some videos, buy popcorn and drinks and have a girly night in our PJs watching them. She loves it.

Thanks surfermum

Yes she loves watching films, that'll definitely be on the agenda next ween when DP is on nights

NAAM - what a nightmare for all of you (just catching up on this). Can't even start to fathom what her mum hopes to achieve, but hey, sounds like things are going well at home. I guess the hardest bit is letting go of things you can't control like the mobile phone. Don't let the turkeys get you down! xxx

Thanks Loopy

Last night dsd was telling my eldest niece that she was getting a new phone soon so it does look like we've got through to her. If she does get it her own one back in the next few weeks then it's a bonus

BM still hasn't been in touch, must be awful for dsd, although she hasn't said anything. BM had a dig at DP on Sunday when he went to collect dsd's things, saying "I'd have thought you'd have made her ring me" DP said he's asked her most days if she wants to ring her (which he has) and she's said no. I think he's quite right not to make her ring, she knows she can if she wants to

Thing is, if it was the other way round and DP had fallen out with his dd, he'd be on the phone every day trying to put things right. I very much doubt if BM would make her ring him!

We're both just trying very hard to make her comfortable, happy and settled but at the same time make sure she understands there are house rules - seems to be working so far. Fingers crossed that it'll continue

Hope you're getting some TLC yourself. Even if its just a nice glass of wine in the bath with some oils?

I wish!!

Seriously we've been so busy since she moved in. We had just started decorating her bedroom when it all kicked off, she's in the spare atm, we're now trying to get her room done pdq so my bank holiday weekend will be spent wallpapering and painting! DP is at work all weekend - he doesn't get bank holidays off so I have to do it. It's only got to be done once though

We'll have an evening to ourselves next Saturday, it's DPs weekend off so dsd is staying with DPs mum and dad so that we can have a night out (or in if that's what we decide we'd rather do). Hope I don't sound selfish but I'm really looking forward to that - dsd's bedroom should hopefully done by then so we can truly relax

Nothing selfish in that at all. You two need to recharge your batteries as well in all of this. Hope the decorating goes well!

Well, dsd finally had a phone call from her mum yesterday......

To tell her that her half-sister has disappeared again, taking with her all her mum and DPs jewellery and her mum's digital camera. Lots of monies worth of stuff apparantly, and she didn't even take with her the many clothes which her mum and DP had bought her since she went back to them

At least dsd actually managed to have a conversation with her mum without being shouted at. And dsd phoned her back later on and spoke to her for quite a while so at least they're talking sensibly again

Maybe her mum is realising that, compared with her half-sister, she isn't as bad as she's painted. Sounds like a positive move in their relationship.

Freckle yes it does sound like a positive move at last

anniemac yes I agree But having said that she's done so many things over the last few years - honestly, if I changed my name and did a thread on it all everyone would think I was a troll It's probably too easy for me to say but I can't understand why her Mum trusted her yet again after all the things she's done before - how many "second chances" do you give someone? But she has said now that she's never having her back again, which obviously I don't blame her for

DP and I both think that dsd will probably go back home now she's gone, not just yet, but we think she will go eventually