Dp first meeting with dss in months

[theredhen]

He's 13 and has refused contact of any sort for months.

Dp and him had a half hr meeting supervised by a family member. In that time he managed to ask for £400 for a school trip and the games console and games from his room at ours.

Can't think why he asked to meet dp out of the blue after all this time!

Why has he been refusing contact?

Loooong back story. One of dsc lives with us full time, the other two live with us a third if the time.

Dp ex wife constantly either trying to stop contact or push more contact into us, (normally due to her ever changing love life).

Apparently this time it was dss choice not to see us. Ex tried to get police and ss involved without success as she said dp had Physically assaulted dss, which wasn't true.

I hope your DP didn't agree? I remember DSD sending DP a text demanding that he deliver the contents of her room here to her at her mums house - yeah, right! She was after the riding boots I'd bought her two weeks before she gave DP the ultimatum to dump me - bloomin' cheek!

Why is the contact supervised? My DP met his DD after 18 months of no contact in a public place and then she began to visit him here at home.
Supervision seems to make a big deal of spending time with his dad, which is a perfectly normal thing to do!

Ah - xpost - allegations mean supervision is essential - sorry!

Supervision is apparently what dss wanted.

Dp is thinking about making a donation towards his trip and thinking about giving him the games console.

Means when dp ex makes him come back for regular overnight contact dp will be buying a new one. To be honest I'm so cynical, I think dp says all the right things to me but always does what his kids / ex demand of him.

Eugh - so sorry

I can't imagine being so scared of losing my child that I'd be prepared to agree to any demand they make - parenting seems to go out of the window; I just don't get it

He's just a man with a wallet and someone who will half kill himself rearranging his life to fit in with his plans.

He knows I'm near the end of the road but I think he's incapable of seeing things the way they are.

Just placemarking on this one, got the same thing going on :(

Oh redeem this is bad. Obviously so frustrating for you, sad for your DH but that poor kid!!! What on earth adult will he become with the messages he's getting!? I'm really concerned that these little princes and princesses are going to be all grown up soon and OUR lovely children who we've actually bothered to parent will be coming in to contact with them

Sorry, that's not much help is it. But just to say, I feel your pain. Dsd stopped seeing DH for a few months and when she decided she would see him a little again, he started "dating" her taking her in all kinds if trips out bit only eating in to our family funds but also a huge chuck of the already limited time that my dd and I see him. Thankfully he now understands that us wrong and has told her if she wants to build their relationship then she can come here and just be a normal family where we are all equal and she isn't a princess whom he's courting. Don't get me wrong, his behaviour is far from perfect but we're all a lot happier.
Apart from dsd that is, who obviously doesn't realise it's the kinder thing to do for her in the long run.

I do understand it must be incredibly hard for dp, but I keep saying to him to be welcoming and kind but not to be used.

The trouble is I don't think dp can differentiate between being kind and being used.

I used to think that my dh could not differentiate between being kind and being used- but i now think that he simply doesn't care, such is his desperation not to 'lose' his children. And of course they play him like a fiddle.