Is this OK? And if not, what do we do about it?

[purpleroses]

DSD is 15 and has a key to both our house and her mum's. She sometimes lets herself in when we're not here, which is fine. Eg on her way between school and meeting friends later. But lately she has taken to coming round when we're not in (and she knows we're not in) with her boyfriend (16). I'm kind of uncomfortable about this - my own DCs are younger and that sort of thing hasn't arrisen yet.

They also shut themselves in her room together sometimes when I'm home on my own with the kids and I don't feel comfortable to tell her not to. DP thinks she's a sensible girl and that it's OK. Is it? And if not, what do I do about it? I'm not sure whether her mother knows where she is or that she's here.

do you speak to her mother?

Only in passing. I wouldn't feel I could phone her up to speak about it - certainly not behind DP's back

I'd put this firmly in the 'not my kid, not my problem' category, I'm afraid.

Her parent (your DP) delegates her care to you, and you have asked him how he would like you to handle it and he's given you his answer.

If you do anything, it is likely that he will undermine you, so stay well out of it is my view!

I'd be fuming if ex was so lax with DD - and I know he will be - but I wouldn't hold DDs SM accountable in any way.

You're probably right, I guess that is what he's saying to me.

Hopefully my own DCs are sufficiently younger I don't really need to worry about needing to follow the same rules with them.

I'm not entirely sure he knows what to do about it though to be honest. He'd probably listen to me if I had a strong view on the matter, but I'm not quite sure what I do think about it, nor what we could do about it if we did want to stop it. We wouldn't want to take her key off her or make her feel unwelcome.