dh's ex expecting me to pay for dscs

[ma4pie]

I'll try to cut a long story as short as possible. I've been with dh for 4 years and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship. He used to work part time for very little pay and used to manage to give his ex money by not paying any household bills. When we met I took charge of his finances (as you might have guessed he is rubbish with money) - this included paying thousands to get bills up to date and ensure his kids kept a roof over their heads when they stayed. For the last 4 years I have also supplemented his income so that he could pay maintenance for his kids.

I didn't have any kids and we agreed to have a child. Before you say anything I always was, and still am, solely financially responsible for the child we have together as I understood and accepted his financial situation. Since our child was born my dh has lost his job. He is not eligible for JSA or any financial assistance from the state. Before we realised this I borrowed money from family to cover his maintenance whilst I was on maternity. Once we found out that he would receive no money whatsoever he had to tell his ex that he could no longer give her any money. The s* hit the fan. According to his ex I am now responsible for her kids.

I don't earn a great deal myself - enough to mean we can't get any help but not enough to have any disposable income. My wage now supports 2 adults and one child full time. We also have debts - some of which are due to enabling him to support his kids in the past- and I am in the process of signing an IVA. We have cut back as far as we can - supermarket own brands etc - so we can put some money aside for his kids' birthdays which are coming up soon. His ex has now said that we (so she means I) am responsible for paying his maintenance and buying their school uniforms - including designer shoes. This is financially impossible for me.

Her stand is that I should contribute (I totally agree in principal which is why I have been for the past 4 years) to financially supporting her kids (even though I am getting no financial support for my child) and that my dh should ask me because she should not have to ask her dh (who earns 3 times more than I do). I go to work in clothes that are years old (usually with holes stitched up) and have had to take in my maternity clothes as I can't afford new ones but I am responsible for buying the dscs designer shoes as £45 a pair? What is the legality of this? - obviously she is threatening court action if I don't cough up. I am also really hurt by her stand that it's about time I started to contribute - the last 4 years have obviously been a figment of my imagination.

winter - check out this website - you should be entitled to Contribution based - if you've been paying class 1 NI contributions for the last 12 months:
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/benefits_e/benefits_benefits_in_work_or_looking_for_work_ew/benefits_for_people_looking_for_work.htm%23the_two_types_of_jobseekers_allowance linky

Doh - link fail from my phone but you get the idea !!!!

Thanks I'll have a look

Your income can not be included in any assessment the CSA make.
They only ask for biological parents income on the assessment forms.
I would suggest to her that a claim is put into the CSA and when your DH gets a new job she will receive an increased amount.

If they were still together and he had lost his job the family income would still have dropped and impacted the kids.

Thank you all for your comments - having read them there are a few things I feel I should clarify. Firstly DH is not entitled to contributions based JSA as part time employment did not result in sufficient NI to qualify. As others have correctly pointed out he does not qualify for income based JSA due to my income. Secondly it is not a case of dscs 'going without' as his ex partner's family income is more than 3x my wages due to her dh having a really good job. The issue is that she doesn't think she should have to ask him - but my dh should be asking me. There is possibly a power thing going on here. Upshot of all of this is that now my dh won't get to see the dscs any more.

I do appreciate her being pissed off but time with the dscs is not a commodity to be bought and sold for the right price. From what I have heard in phonecalls - because she won't speak to me directly - her not receiving money is being 'blamed' on the arrival of my child. Although my dh has zero income he is putting our child before the dscs. I appreciate the comments from those of you saying that dh should take any job to support the dscs but, realistically, he would have to consider childcare costs for our child as, especially now, I cannot and quite frankly won't cover his costs while working so he can give her money. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I've done it for 4 years and had it all thrown back in my face.

Another thing to clarify - I am not withholding money from her because I am tight although, obviously, I'm not going to withhold food from a 6 month old baby to buy her children designer shoes. If I had it I would give it. I have started insolvency proceedings as I don't earn enough to cover our family expenses now - including debts that were built up by me trying to support the dscs. I would love to know what she expects me to do - but, of course, she won't speak to me now.

Ultimately I don't earn enough to buy my dh time with his kids. I am loosing my mind.

This is not your fault OP its down to your DH.

Why the heck was he only working part time when he had 2 children and himself to support?

That said you have sort of put yourself in this pickle by subsidising him all this time.

Re whjat others have said. Yes some fathers do make themselves unemployed to avoid paying child supprt. They also don't declare income too if they are self employed. Some that is.

Have to say though its not a small 'some' as the majority of single parents don't get any child support from their EX. So its obviously the majority of NRPs that pay nothing or minimum.

Ultimately I don't earn enough to buy my dh time with his kids. I am loosing my mind

That's awful.

Its really not down to you though.

Your DH needs to step up. I know getting work is not easy right now but it doesn't seem like providing has been his priority.

If my DH could not afford to support his children , I would pay because his son of part of our family .

However I cannot imagine a scenario on which I would have to do this for a long time as DH would do anything to support any if his children.

hastings. - I used to feel the same, until I realised that expecting DP to do anything in order to financially support his DCs would require him to rob a bank, deal drugs or defraud someone. There are so few honest jobs out there

Having seen the devastation that rejection after rejection causes despite hours and hours of job hunting and applications, and been getting further and further into debt just to keep a roof over our heads, I fully understand where the OP is coming from