DP's ex making arrangements in our time

[Lala1980]

DP's 4 children stay with us EO weekend. DP's ex-wife drops kids to us 5pm on Friday evening, DP takes them home by 6pm Sunday. This basic agreement to my knowledge is court ordered. DP does not have great relationship with his ex. She witholds communication regarding the children and rarely replies to his texts or emails.
The kids live approx 15 miles round trip from us.
Ex wife texted this morning to say youngest DSS (4) has party until 6pm where they live so she will drop the other 3 over at 5pm but DP must pick youngest up at 6pm.
I personally feel that this is unreasonable as we only have one car and I am not always about, so even if DP has access to a car at that time, he would have to drag the other three kids out as soon as they arrive to pick up the youngest.
My personal opinion is that ex wife should not accept invitations or make arrangements for the kids on DP's contact weekends. That is his time with his children, he doesn't get a lot of time with them because of his work, and he treasures that time. To be honest, he doesn't want them missing out on parties and school stuff, so 9 times out of 10, he wouldn't turn down the invitation either, but unless he has the car and childcare for the other 3 in place, the other 3 get dragged from pillar to post if one child has a party...
AIBU? I personally feel that ex wife should have asked if it was possible to pick youngest up at 6pm, or suggested she would bring them all over a 5 not 6pm...
Are other people happy when ex makes arrangements for the kids that affect their DP's time with them, or is this normal (I am not a biological mother myself)...

Slowcooker - they're not allowed to do anything she doesn't want them to do or decide anything .

Strangely enough Slowcooker123 my DP's ex sounds remarkably similar to your DP's ex ... sounds like your DP's ex too allnewtaketwo

DP asks or texts her (usually texts because she isn't civil enough to answer the phone to him) and she doesn't respond to anything he has asked or requested.

DP asks again (several days or weeks later) ... again nothing (she ignores him) ... occasionally DP will get an angry, screaming 'NO' from her every now and again.

During this time (we have DP's son EOW), we ask DP's son if he has asked mummy about doing 'whatever activity' and he says mummy has either not said anything to him (ignores her own child ... ignorant wowan!!) or has just shouted NO!!!

No, DP hasn't managed to get his son involved in any activities (whether they be in school or out-with school), because his ex continues to say NO or just refuses to respond to DP.

We really can't understand why she is so against EVERYTHING ... We know at the end of our weekends, DP will get an angry text message or a phone call from his ex ...(DP got another heap of abuse by text message yesterday, after we had had his son this weekend), because of where we took HER son or what we did. Sorry but we are trying to be 'normal' and have days out that his son might enjoy (like going to the park)

Ahoysailor- strangely similar!

My DP's ex also seems to think that the children don't need to "do" anything other than play at home or go shopping. I love arranging nice things, activities, days out etc and of course on the weeks DP has his kids we all do things together. So not only does she not want to "do" anything with them she doesn't want DP to either.

A few weeks back DSS and my DD helped me print off some photos we'd taken recently. Various places, a beach trip etc. (youngest DSS had never been to the beach - which I admit I was secretly a bit judgy pants about) He asked to take some to his mum. I helped him select some and printed them and he said he was excited to show her and wante them up in his room at her house. I made very sure to ensure that none of the photos had anyone but her and DP's children in them, so not to cause offfence of course. When he next came to out place he said mummy hadn't seen them as she said she's "lost" them. Unlikely
story I think. They were handed to her in a large brown envelope.

Frankly I would have made sure I had another clashing engagement which required me to have the car. Hubby's problem. I am sure she is not so horrid she would wish her child to miss a party and therefore would need to rearrange her own plans to ensure she could deliver them afterwards not having had the foresight (ahem) to agree a change to arrangements first. Can't allow yourself to get embroiled in their (both parents') point scoring nonsense. Make yourself scarce in the event and let them sort it out between them. Rock up later once the kids have arrived (with cakes)...

RC my experience is that not only would the DCs mum quite happily allow them to miss the party, she would tell them that it was Daddy's fault/OPs fault that they couldn't go.
Some parents can't put their own bitterness to one side for the sake of the DCs

Exactly the same here NADM, some mothers are more than happy for their kids to miss out on parties or other enjoyable events if it means they can score some points and get the kids to "blame daddy".

Same here I'm afraid. Thoroughly depressing and exceptionally sad.

Nice to know we're not alone - DSS's mum does this stuff all the time. We had DSS for a 'holiday' this summer, all of 5 days (court put a lot of pressure on her) on the final day, she says to him on the phone to ask Daddy if he can come home early to see his cousin in a sporting event. Now, if we'd had any notice we could have done it (and cousin is well into this sport and has played in numerous matches during the summer which DSS could have attended but mum was 'too busy' and refused offers from cousin's parents to take DSS and his brother) but even though she knew about it well in advance, and had chosen the dates of the holiday herself, it was more important to her to reduce DSS to tears 'because Daddy won't bring you home' than mention it beforehand.

So sorry honey. What a rotten situation. At least both my Dss's mums (yes I have two mums to contend with) are sane enough to avoid hurting their kids to score a point although points used to be scored frequently at my expense. Fortunately I have a long memory and a lot of patience which is useful when they need a favour later on. It has helped put them in their place over the years. What a complete arse your one sounds. Sadly her kids will get her one day when they are old enough then it will be payback time. Happened to my aunt who is now a lonely old lady in poor health whose grown up kids voted with their feet as soon as they could afford to get the hell out.

I find ridicule (private internal monologue) helps when you are considering assassination.