Birthdays

[lotsoffreckles]

Hi all, I have been a long time lurker and have soaked up so much advise as I have made my way down the SP path. I now have a situation that Im hoping people could advise me on.

Bit of background DSD will be 5 me and my partner have been together 2 years lived together for 6 months all well and DP has a good relationship with ExDP.

DSD Birthday is in a few weeks time and we will be seeing her the Sunday before her B-Day. DP wants to celebrate with his family mine and friends etc with a BBQ, great.

My problem is (and maybe Im over thinking a bit I tend to) is he wants it to be a full on party for her, games, party bags for family/friends children, decorations etc however has the inspiration of most men and would not have a clue what games to play, how to organise party games/party bags etc. He has asked me to help sort this which I would love to as me and DSD have a great relationship but I'm worried about overstepping. Am I over thinking this, I really don't want to step on ExDP toes but my DP really wants to do this for his DD should I stop worrying and just do or should I hold off? Also do you sign your name in the same card as DP? All silly things but from experience it's the silly things that can upset the apple cart?

Your dh has asked for your help, so it's fine :) the ex doesn't even need to know how much input you had!

As for the card, yes just put love from Dad and lotsoffreckles.

Enjoy and stop over thinking :)

Just muck in and do it. I organise DSD's parties and host them - same set up, my family, DP's family and friends. She has an official party with her DM and school friends etc on the day, we see her at the nearest weekend.

I buy her presents and the card. I always buy a 'daughter' card and DP writes from Daddy and Oreo.

The only time I bought her a seperate present was before DP and I lived together, after that I buy them from both of us.

I understand that you don't want to step on her mothers toes, but really you are doing a nice thing for her DD. I know if my DD had a step mother, I would much prefer that she was made a fuss of and included by her SM than not IYSWIM. Thats what I always base my decisions on, trying to think of it like that.

hope you don't mind me posting as a bio mum not a step mum, but I thought maybe it would be nice to hear from that side of the fence?

Personally I would try v hard to be happy that my DC were being shown love and care and having a fantastic time for their bdays. That's a good thing and you sound v nice for wanting to help it be a good day for your SDD.

The only thing I can think of really is that it would probably help to be kept 'in the loop' that there would be a party happening before her actual bday (not asked for permission, just to be clear) by my ex though. If they are on good terms it would be nice for him to let his exDP know about the party, what the theme is going to be, if mutual friends she might have organised something with (eg classmates or children your SDD is friends with) will be going - purely because I'd only really be upset if I knew nothing about a big party and then discovered after the event that I was doubling up/or worse, being turned down by my DS's friends because I'd unknowingly invited them to the second bday event for him...iyswim? That would make me feel like a bit of a prat.

It wouldn't be negative to me at all that you were helping (that would be nice, and not surprising really). Much better to have a thoughtful and helpful SM than one who'd rather my DC weren't around!

Thank you, my DP tells me to chill so maybe I should take his advice. I try to approach things how I would feel if it was me and go from there I just wasn't sure on this 1 :-)

Choco not at all always nice to have both sides, DPEX knows that we are having a get together so that's fine and we havn't included class mates just family's children and friends children, DSD is having a party with her class friends and mum on her birthday. DP just wants get to know we will always celebrate with her as well

Yes - stop over thinking.

In regards to the card - stay away from "To our Daughter" but signed Daddy & Lotsoffreckles is fine - you are a couple - sign as you would for anyone else.

Maybe involve Mum (if you have agood relationship) By texting, "DH has asked me to help with the party we are having for DSD, I've not got a clue where to start, would she like pass the parcel?"

But only if it's completely natural. If you're not in touch often then just go ahead and arrange the aprty as you all see fit.

If it's a family party (for adult friends and whatever kids they happen to have) then I don't think you need to organise a lot of party games. Her mum may also be organising a more typical kids party for her own friends - and you wouldn't want to duplicate that (ie her friends might think it a bit odd if invited to two parties, and her mum might be put out if you did that without consulting her first), but a family party should be fine, and I've never met a kid who complains about celebrating their birthday twice!

Make a cake, get some balloons in, and buy some bubbles for the kids to blow. 5 year olds love those, and requires very little organisation. Other things that would work well at a family party are chalks to draw on any paving or even the pavement, pin the tail on the donkey or some sort of arty crafty activity (eg making party crowns), or paddling pool if the weather's nice.

Personally I'd steer well clear of most of the classic kids party games (musical bumps, pass the parcel, etc) if it's a family party with adults there as well - as these won't be much fun for the adults and are really hard work to run. A less structured party with food and socialising for everyone works much better.

And yes, let her mum know your plans, or if you're really on good terms, invite her along.

And yes, I would sign my name on a card. My kids' stepmother, who has pretty much no involvment in their lives, and won't do a thing for them, nevertheless signs her name on cards, and it doesn't bother me as their mum. I generally reckon if you live in the same household then you give joint cards and presents.

"The only thing I can think of really is that it would probably help to be kept 'in the loop' that there would be a party happening before her actual bday (not asked for permission, just to be clear) by my ex though. If they are on good terms it would be nice for him to let his exDP know about the party, what the theme is going to be, if mutual friends she might have organised something with (eg classmates or children your SDD is friends with) will be going - purely because I'd only really be upset if I knew nothing about a big party and then discovered after the event that I was doubling up/or worse, being turned down by my DS's friends because I'd unknowingly invited them to the second bday event for him...iyswim? That would make me feel like a bit of a prat."

This is the absolute key difference between an overstepping SM and a kind and caring one.

That's exactly what I was thinking Purple, more relaxed and the kids tend to amuse themselves on the trampoline etc anyways so games I probably won't do. Bubble though are a great idea thank you :)He just wanted me to make it happen I guess, not a strand of creative flair in him my DP but the tought is there. Thank you all for putting my mind at rest, she really is a great kid and deserves the celebration :)

I have only one comment about the card, my daughter used to hate getting a to my daughter birthday card signed by her dad and his then girlfriend! But i think thats because i always buy a separate card from me and one from her step dad? She likes the funny card he gives her, and its something we have done since we were only just together, although we are married now and she is really close to him. But i would have loved it if they had made a special effort for her and done the party thing, its a lovely thing to do for her.