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Step-parenting

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Original poster

So sad :-( I love my man but we`re splitting up cos we cant live as a blended family

60 replies

Jodie33 · 02/04/2012 14:50

hi

Not really sure what i am looking for as i post this. I am just unbelievably devestated that my OH thinks we shouldnt be together anymore. The reason is the 4 of us cannot get on and live together peacefully in his house.

My DS and i have lived there for 8 months. We have been together 2yrs. I moved and changed every part of my life to be with him. Leaving a decent job, took my son out of an outstanding school. Left all my friends and family and moved 50 miles away from everything i knew. To a new town. To live with him and his DD who he has 50% of the time.

But it just hasnt worked for us. Well done to all of you SM`s out there who have been at it for yrs. i applaude you. Obviously you are doing a better job than i have done.

I am so clueless as to what to do now. My DS is doing fantastic at school. settled well. made nice friends (hes 6) school reports are brilliant. I dnt know if i should stay in the same area sos not to change his school for a 3rd time in 2yrs or whether my DS will eventually forgive me if i move us back nearer to my family and friends.?????? should i stay in a place where i hardly know anyone just for the sake of my son being happy at school? ...I feel i should not upset him anymore than i have to.

What would you do ?? maybe posted in wrong place? should it be relationships?? oh well. :(

OP posts:
Lostinsuffolk · 05/04/2012 10:39

Wow, he's a special guy isn't he. Just re-reading this thread has made me feel so sorry for u having to put up this all his crap. I hope u will listen to the ladies on this thread and leave him. U deserve much better than him. Feel sorry for his daughter. Poor little thing. :(

EightiesChick · 05/04/2012 11:38

Am Angry reading this at how he treats his daughter. Don't let it happen to your son. And yes, tell his DD's mum that this is what he is like. And YY it is too late! I know it's much easier for us to say. Good luck.

oohlordylordy · 05/04/2012 11:45

I'm sorry, I haven't read all your thread. I stopped at 'OH doesn't speak to my DS'.

Leave. Now. Move your son back to his old school. Yes, it's an upheaval, but it's an upheaval which is rewarded by being surrounded by people who love and care for him, by having a happy mum who can move forward with her life.

Sh*t, the kids are 5 and 6. You CANNOT do this for the next 10 years. I appreciate that your DSD has issues, but they need to be resolved BEFORE your OH embarks on another relationship if he is going to successfully manage 50:50 custody in the former marital home.

I'm sorry, I'm really not one of the 'leave the bastard' brigade. I have been a step mum for well over 10 years and it's not easy. But by GOd, it shouldn't be that hard.

Tellingly, YOU did all the upheaval in the first place Hmm

GOod luck. xx

Kaluki · 05/04/2012 12:08

Oh Jodie. Sad How can you even consider staying with a man who treats his own dd so badly. I would have zero respect for someone who told me that he isn't interested in his own child. let alone yours.

Lots of people aren't 'kiddie' people - personally I find sitting in a park or pushing them on the swings tediously boring, but we do it, because we love them and we know they won't be kids for ever.

He has a dd, like it or not he is her father, it is time he grew up and faced up to the fact that he is neglecting his little girl emotionally and did something about it.
I agree that your parting shot should be a call to his dds mum. Does she know how he treats her??

Original poster
Jodie33 · 05/04/2012 14:33

oohlory yes of course i did all the upheavel in the 1st place! How silly of anyone to think he would have done owt!! I know i am just kidding myself... Things will change i can see now thanx to you lot that he has problems that are beyond my control.

until janedoe pointed it out i have never thought of it as emotional abuse. I jst saw it as the way he was/is. ?? I thought he was a bloke who had pms all the time!! Grin

I dont think he will ever understand kids, nor will he ever think bout what damage he is doing to his DD. He is all about himself does the things he likes to do goes where he likes to go and his DD just has to fit in with that. I feel sorry for her. last night she only wanted a cuddle ..... maybe a 20 min cuddle... but only while she went back to sleep but he was there for less than 3 mins climbed back in bed and within seconds snoring again, while i listened to her whimpering away and mummbling i want you daddy. I went in and said i`ll sit with you for a bit go back to sleep now... but she just shouted at me, cried even louder shouted at the top of her voice daddy! so OH got up again anyway. No patience. (i know its a bind in the middle of the night, but you just do it dnt you.)

DSD mum knows of his foul language. DSD and her mum argued once and DSD shouts i hate you your just a d*head. To which the mum txt OH saying... I guess this is one of your lines she has just gobbed at me. OH just laughed at the txt and sent back no! course it isnt! I said whats so wrong about that is 1. you find it funny and thats disgusting. and 2. DSD said it in the right context!! At the time she was 4!! (not that i am a snob by any means!) but anyone would think we`re people off shameless!! FFS

DSD mum often is, in her words, glad she has gone to school cos shes been a nightmare and its your turn tonight

Or DSD mum will whisk off to grannys for a "sleep over" on her short week when she only has her DD for 3 days/nights anyway. Cos it inteferes with her social life!! Hmm

We often get the regular txt the night before DSD goes back oh i will pick her up between 10-11am... i could do with a lie in thanks!! (even tho she hasnt had her for the last 4-5days)

The kid gets shunted all over in the space of 1 week can sleep in 4 diff houses. and then mum and OH wonder why she is angry/clingy/upset/lashes out all the time.

But hey ho thats upto them int it. Im not really sure DSD mum would bother I can get hold of her number and of course tell her. But will she do owt about it??? Maybe not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jodie33 · 05/04/2012 14:38

Oh and by the way he has txt me whilst at work today telling me he loves me!! WTF!!??

I have a solicitor appointment. A date with the housing people next week. and i am just off to the library to print off the in year application to change my sons school. Grin

I`m not saying owt to OH. i will just get myself in order without him giving me grief while i do it. And set myself up back home then GO.

Feeling stronger. Thankyou so much everyone xx So helpful.

OP posts:
janedoedoejanejanedoe · 05/04/2012 14:48

I think you should phone womens aid - they can help you best deal with the housing people.

Good luck - you will feel such an enormous sense of relief once you are out of there.

Smum99 · 05/04/2012 15:45

Your poor dsd, what a life she has. Take yourself and your son away from this horrid man. It will not get better only much, much worse.

Is there anyone in DSDs family who could take care of her properly?

RandomMess · 06/04/2012 14:14

Blimey I am so glad you are leaving, wish you could take your DSD with you Sad

What year is your ds in? If he is moving to Yr3 in September then the school should have a place for him as they're not restricted to 30 then.

RabidEasterEgg · 07/04/2012 08:35

Please tell DSDs mum what a terrible father he is to his daughter when you go

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