Who should have biggest bedroom SD or DD?

[idoru]

DD is 7 months and ready to move from our bedroom into her own room. Originally I thought she's only a little baby she only needs a little room and agreed with DP that DD would go in the tiny bedroom which previously was SD's room. SD(12) has been in the big bedroom for the last 5 months since the SSs(18) stopped staying over regularly. We also have a loft room which has a spare double bed in case the SSs or guests stay over but it can be very cold in winter and hot in summer up there. SD stays with us 2 nights a week.

I've just been thinking that practically it would be nice to have DD in the larger room so she has some floor space where I can do nappy changes, get her dressed, play on the floor etc. Also the tiny bedroom is right next to our bedroom so I think if DD cries in the night it would still disturb DP. I tried suggesting to DP that DD have the big room but he saw it as pushing SD out. Don't think I phrased it very well or it was bad timing. We decorated the little room for SD 18 months ago and it would get redone if we move DD in to it. I always envisaged we would move DD into the bigger room when she was 2/3 anyway so she'd have more room for her toys etc.

Do you think the older kid who stays 2 days a week should have a bigger room than the baby who lives with us 24/7? Thanks for any opinions/advice. x

I think it will look like you are pushing dsd out. Sorry. I think it's an unkind thing to do, especially for a 5 month old baby.

Sorry, I was going to say, even three year olds don't play in their bedrooms much ime. They prefer to be near the action iyswim.

I would put your baby in the little room for now. As others say, she isn't going to be playing alone in there for many years yet! Keep her toys elsewhere.

In a few years time, revisit.

I'd use the small room for the baby and leave your SD where she is.

Thanks for all the comments so far.

SD had been in the little room quite happily for the past 6 years which is all decorated in her style, she only moved into the big room a few months ago and it hasn't been decorated for her.

I just feel that I'm making things more difficult for myself as it would be easier to dress/change/feed DD in the bigger room particularly when SD barely goes in her room except to sleep 2 nights a week and never keeps it tidy.

What bedroom arrangements have others made when a new baby comes along? Does the youngest always get the smallest room? I thought the kids whose main home it is should take priority.

Given the ages of the children involved, I think SD should keep the big room and DD have the small one for now. My 5yo still only plays in her room if she's got a friend over, so the extra space would be wasted most of the time.

I think if you leave it a year or 2, SD will feel less pushed out when it does become practical for them to switch rooms.

crossed post. why did you bother moving SD into the big room a few months ago?

have you asked SD what she thinks who should have which bedrooms?

wrt what we did, we're lucky in that both the DCs bedrooms are about the same size. we did move DD out of the nursery before DS arrived becasue it meant we didn't have to redecorate both rooms and DS had the room furthest away from the neighbours to try to minimise disturbance during the night

I would leave SD in the large room for now but I would ask SD how she would like the loft room decorated and over time do that out for her so she knows the current room is temporary and she'll have the choice of little room or loft room in the future.

I think I would put DSD into the small room, but let her choose how it's to be redecorated (I'd do it, even if it doesn't really need it) and get her something 'grown up' as a treat (TV or something) to make it a 'grown up' room.

It's not so much that DD needs the space, but you do. You live there full time and it's perfectly reasonable that you want more space to put a chair, a change table, store DD's toys (even if she plays in the lounge, it's nice to have a room to put all the bulky platic stuff).

Someone that is only there 2 nights a week doesn't have that much stuff/clutter & doesn't need the extra space.

Tell DSD that YOU need the bigger room (not DD).

My POV has nothing to do with them being SD & DD - & everything to do with how the space would best be used.

I would leave SD in the large room for now but I would ask SD how she would like the loft room decorated and over time do that out for her so she knows the current room is temporary and she'll have the choice of little room or loft room in the future.

yeah. that :)

I left DS in the little room until he was 4 and needed the space for playing. I wouldn't move her for the sake of it. I am a bit unnerved by 'main home' but I understand where you are coming from.

Now, DD in small room, SD in big room - DD doesn't need the space.
In 3 years time SD in loft room, DD in big room. SD can have her own 'crash pad' which at 15 she'll really appreciate.

We have the same set up - big room, tiny room and a loft.

DSD has the loft when she comes to stay. She thought it was cool to have all of that space.

I agree that you need to leave sd in the big room for now anyway.
Yes it may be more convenient for you but it is setting yourself up for a heap of resentful 12 year old if you try to move her now she is in it.
My oldest 2 are 8 and 5 and hardly play in there rooms unless they have a friend over so by the time your dd is more likely to need a bigger room your sd will be at the stage your ss's are at and not be stating as much and you can swap then.

I think right now while your dd only needs to go to her room and sleep she should be in the smaller room.

I could just imagine if my dd was your dsd

she wouldn't say anything about how she was feeling - but would come home form a visit and stomp around and then come and pour her heart out about how she fell sad and pushed out as she was relegated to the little room and the new baby got the big room. I would yet again try to smooth things overs from a distance and mutter later to my friends as to why couldn't my ex be a bit kinder to his dd and take her feelings into account

kids do not care much about their own room until they are maybe 5/6?

Baby will be in kitchen or living room when at home!

Why does the room need redecorating?

I would leave SD in the biggest room. Maybe get her a desk and a tv if she hasn't already.

My DCs are 4 and 3 and never play in their room.

Thanks again everyone for your views, it's great to see it from other peoples' perspectives.

SD moved to the big room when the SSs started uni/work and stopped staying over as we thought she might as well make use of it and thought the baby would have the small room. I've just been having second thoughts about that plan hence the post. When we originally discussed it SD of course said she would like the bigger room.

RandomMess I like your suggestion.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee you are right it's about me wanting the space, rather than it being for DD. I'm just imagining DD being poorly and up all night and there would be no where for me to even sit, let along lay in that little room with her if she needed comforting. I know I'd end up taking her into my bed instead to get some rest.

Has dsd room got a single or double bed/ Could you get a double bed for her room and let dsd know that you would liek to use the room int he night when she isn't there if dd gets up or is sick etc - rather than swap the rooms over and make her feel pushed out.

Communicate with her and let her know you had thought of swapping the rooms and why but on second thoughts you didn't want her to feel pushed out and so would just like to be able to use the bed if needed if dd wakes and is unsettled rather than waking her father.

when my dd's had a half brother - dd 1 went up to bed and took the moses baskets and everything needed and took to her bedroom for the night - she was scared when db was expected and thought she would be pushed out - a lot of reasurance from me that blood was thicker than water etc and she loves her db dearly (when he woke in the night she took him back to his mum) dd1 is 19 now but was 12 when her brother arrived so much the same age.

Can impart some fab advice for you

Took until my 4th to cotton onto this gem (and serious bedroom sharing at this point)

Get your dd to nap in a travel cot in the large bedroom everyday. This is fab for a few reasons:
She will happily sleep in the travel cot anywhere thus making it easy to go away and sleep
When she is ill you can use the larger room and have somewhere to sleep near her.

Also you could put an additional wardrobe etc in the large room for your dds stuff

It is ridiculous to live in your own home, with a barely used large room so that a 12 yo doesn't get a strop on. Do what you need to do. You need (or even just want) the bigger room to be comfortable with the baby - to have a bed to lie on, chair to sit in, to have room to change the baby, put the baby's toys (she will soon be a toddler with monmental amounts of 'stuff'). A 12 yo does not need that much space, their 'toys' are smaller and she's only there 2 nights a week so probably doesn't even have the usual 12 yo clutter there.

If the 12 year old was yours and lived there full time I would say the same thing - the person who needs the space, gets the space. You need the space, she does not. Talk to her and tell her why she needs to move rooms, let her choose the colours etc & redecorate if she wants to - if you can afford it, buy her a 'grown up' treat. You could even let her have the loft if she wants it (DSS could have the small room).

I would have the eldest child in the bigger room.

She's 12, so she really needs the space- for homework, for dancing, for just being a teenager (which she will be soon)

Giving the biggest room to a baby does sound like pushing SD out, even if you don't mean it that way.

I don't agree that just because she's not there every night means she doesn't need the space.

She needs to feel like your home is her home too, and that she's welcome and included there.

Can you not decorate the loft room and use a plug in fan or heater when needed. Most older kids love the novelty of a loft room. I would offer this without even mentioning the babies needs/your needs/storage needs and see if SDD likes the idea of the loft.

or think about increasing the insulation?