Who should have biggest bedroom SD or DD?

[idoru]

DD is 7 months and ready to move from our bedroom into her own room. Originally I thought she's only a little baby she only needs a little room and agreed with DP that DD would go in the tiny bedroom which previously was SD's room. SD(12) has been in the big bedroom for the last 5 months since the SSs(18) stopped staying over regularly. We also have a loft room which has a spare double bed in case the SSs or guests stay over but it can be very cold in winter and hot in summer up there. SD stays with us 2 nights a week.

I've just been thinking that practically it would be nice to have DD in the larger room so she has some floor space where I can do nappy changes, get her dressed, play on the floor etc. Also the tiny bedroom is right next to our bedroom so I think if DD cries in the night it would still disturb DP. I tried suggesting to DP that DD have the big room but he saw it as pushing SD out. Don't think I phrased it very well or it was bad timing. We decorated the little room for SD 18 months ago and it would get redone if we move DD in to it. I always envisaged we would move DD into the bigger room when she was 2/3 anyway so she'd have more room for her toys etc.

Do you think the older kid who stays 2 days a week should have a bigger room than the baby who lives with us 24/7? Thanks for any opinions/advice. x

are you likely to have more kids? we told DSS that he hada choice: biggest room shared with his toddler brother or small room on his own. He jumped at the small one.

We used the oldest child gets biggest room as the basis of our rules, not who was here the most. As we have to have one room share the expectations we've set is that you get your own bedroom with space for a desk for the academic year they do GCSEs and A-levels so because of their ages we're going to spend the first weekend in September shifting things around for five years!

Does mean that the ones with us the most get smallest rooms but it doesn't matter. They seem to all want to travel around in a pack.

I would leave your DSD where she was until she goes to uni. Her brother had it. Her turn. Then your DD will get her turn when she's 6.

Can your DD have the attic room as a play room? Bunting, netting, a play house ... It could be a visitors' room and fairy princesses castle

I've been the DSD in this case. I didn't have a proper permanent bedroom at my dads as I'd "only be there a couple of nights" so it was more important to use it for other people.

In other words, "this isn't really your home". Your real home is with your mum where you do have a room and this is your part-time family. Or that was how I interpreted it at 12 years old.

A five month old baby doesn't need space. I understand you do (I also have a baby) but it is easy to upset 12 year old girls and I disagree with people who say you should do what you want regardless as it's your house. It's both yours and your partner's home and it would be nicer if everyone important to you was happy feeling at home there.

Tell your DSD that you would like to decorate the loft room for her as she will soon be a teenager and need more privacy. And say it would be easier for you to have a bit more space for the baby. Then move rooms. That way no-one loses or is hurt.

...7 month old baby, sorry.....

Personally id leave it a year or two , however , if you need to use the space for what ever reason , then I think you should use it and make DSD understand that you will need to use her room or store things in there . I would also suggest that because you may be borrowing space in her room , that she could make use of the loft room when there are no guests . Id also give her the option of a refitted small room decorated however she likes , with snazzy tv and bed if she isn't happy with sharing .

If the visitation arrangements are still the same in a year or two , I would move DSD out but make this clear now .

I'd keep things as they are now as dsd will read it as being pushed out by dd - and she'd be right. However, with DP's agreement, I would start talking about how just as the loft room was the teenager bedroom when her brothers stayed there, so it will be hers when she graduates to teen - so it's a 'big deal' and a rite of passage in your house. Involve her in its necessary redecoration/kitting out.

Once little dd is in her new bedroom, you could even turn the spare little bedroom into a slightly girly spare bedroom and say to dsd that you hope she likes her new loft room/her space but there is another room if she wants to be a wee bit closer (particularly if it's very hot or very cold).

It isn't DSD's fault that she is only there part time. I would let her keep her room otherwise it is saying to her 'you aren't really part of our family, you are a visitor and your sister is 'real' family.