becoming a full time Step mum

[Smurfy1]

Hiya I have been a step mum to my darling stepdaughter for the last 2 years after 6 years of OH trying to gain access after she left him for another man.

She has 4 kids with 3 men and has already given the father of the 2 & 4yr to their dad and I got a call yesterday saying we had to take DSD aged 10 due to her being able to cope anymore if we didnt she was going to put her in care. That was NEVER happening

Can you please advise what I need to be able to arrange a school in edinburgh as I have no kids of my own

Thanks alot

You can find out which schools have places via your LEA (via the county council). You fill in a form (which you may be able to download) and give your choice of schools - but in reality if you want a place soon, you need to put at least one school that you know has spaces. They should be able to offer you a place within two miles, otherwise they have to pay the transport costs - at least that's how it works in England - assume it's the same where you are. I'm not sure what proof you'll need that DSD will be living with you, but they should be able to tell you that.

If you want to visit the schools, you can do this any time you want, just arrange it directly with the schools. I think there's some Scottish equivilant of Ofsted who inspect schools, and you can see their reports online, and worth asking other parents locally what they think - if you know any. Or is the MN local group any use?

Did the mother phone you, or was it social services?

Poor DSD - sounds like things must be pretty bad with her mum. Will she be able to keep up some contact?

Thanks no Social services not involved with DSD yet, not sure about calling them? BM called me direct no actually she txtd me to call her !

DSD has ADAH and is ignored at home so acts out to get attention sad really the BM talks a good talk but doesnt follow through, We have been gathering evidence for last 2 yrs and DSD hasnt been to dentist for over that :-(

You don't apply for schools the same way here in Scotland you as you do in England. We don't have all the forms with several choices from the council.
Generally in Scotland children just go to the closest school to them, if there is more than one in their catchment area (which you can find out from the council) you visit them all and register direct with the school they will tell you themselves if they have space it is unusual that they don't have space because we don't have the massive competition for schools there is in England.

If you for some reason want a place outside the catchment area it can be hard and the individual council can tell you how to do this. In both areas I have lived in Scotland you have to apply to your closest school and then put in a placement request with the council for the school of your choice outlining your reasons for wanting the other school.

Thanks alot, It will be the closest school mainly due to that fact we still have to sort out work as we both work shifts and it has an after school club which will be handy,

Stupid question time but what times are school days in Edinburgh and what the best thing for play pieces etc sorry new to this

They're the same as West Lothian (where I am) so probably 8.50 to 3.15 except Friday, they finish at half 12 on a Friday.

Playpieces, I give snack type stuff, dried fruit, cereal bars, the occasional packet of crisps, sometimes a tub of grapes or fruit like that, some kids get chocolate biscuits or chocolate bars - but I'm cruel, apparently, lol

so anything along any of those lines really

Check that that school is your catchment area school here

If it's not, it's not usually an issue, if there's a space for her she should be fine, my DD is not at our catchment area primary because I moved between DS and DD starting school. Where you've got two or more close to each other (as I have and Edinburgh has a lot of) it's fairly common anyway.

You've got a couple of years before it's an issue, but check which secondary it feeds into as there are some areas in Edinburgh where good primaries feed into not so great secondaries...so you might want to think about out of catchment for that.

Thanks I was siding with Fruit, snack bar type things cos Im cruel too LOL

I have already looked into after school clubs and the local does this and a breakfast one but that wont be required at present. MIL has offered to come through from Fife for the days im on my 6pm finish and when im nightshift i can do a hand over with her daddy

I will be wanting her to do something like swimming for her (god I also need to teach to ride a bike as her never bothered) well thats what we can get her for Birthday LOLs she does nothing at present even though we give her mum money for it we get palmed off

She is in P6 at present so they should hopefully accomodate us fairly quickly but tbh im dreading the initial stage of this as how can you tell a 10 yr old you dont want her anymore it beggars belief she's doing this everytime I think of wee one's face im in tears

Thank you so much very helpful, she has most stationary at ours as we have her 3rd of the yr atm so not too bad and luckily she has just been bought a new jacket as her old one was outgrown im thinking polo shirts and black trousers are kinda universal atm and I still shudder at my unfashioable clothes my mum made me wear and I was bullied over so am desperate not to make this any harder for her

Well thats us, we got her yesterday, I have been awarded full parental rights same as OH and wee one wasn't even told anything except pack a bag your going to live with your dad.

hellish day yesterday but onwards and upwards just need to get wee one through this

Good luck Smurfy, I hope you keep your can do attitude through what will no doubt be a bit of a tough and adjusting time.

Thanks hope so too lol coffee helps though rofl, just hoping School close by has a slot for her

If you want her to be uber cool when she starts new class - Pauls boutique bags are the horriblest status symbol of choice for pre teens here.

Pricey but maybe worth it just once?

I think you should involve SS tbh - they are also here to help.

Thansk

Where do you get the bag from? and her mum has a social worker in fife so maybe, OH is dead against though thinks they will take wee one from him

Upside I have a doctor appoint today for her :-) so the self harming I found can be addressed counsellor required I think

They won't take her - it goes against the ethos of what they do - they could allocate a social worker who specialises in children with disabilities - it won't be anyone from child protection - so there would be no chance of removal.

Bag - google Pauls Boutique stockists - or eBay - there are always loads on eBay.

Assuming the adah is a disability.

Honestly speaking as someone who tried to manage a difficult situation without help and with disastrous consequences - I'd be inclined to get help.

Good luck with everything.
How is she about it all?

At her age - a shopping spree in primark may help - get her some clothes she choses, let her redecorate her bedroom to her taste, make her feel wanted.

It's a hard thing being rejected by the one person who is supposed to love you more than anything in the world - she is going to have a huge fear of being abandoned by you - and so mY try to push you - to ensure that it won't happen (my dsd did)

Good luck and xxxx

oh yeah Primark has opened in Edinburgh doh forgot, she already has her own room here already decorated to her taste (pink and butterflies) so we all okay there, tbh the only difficulty will be when OH & I are both dayshift thats when granny comes into her own lol

saw the school this morning that went really well OH has an appoint Thurs with a view to her starting there Monday and theres a sense of calm atm weird really cant explain it wee one doing really well I have got in contact with her brothers dad as he has custody of them so wee one can stay in contact and just waiting game now to see if BM wants access visits set up as it's abit like shes cut SD dead, I was on FB last night and she answered my post didnt even ask after her daughter nothing

Doctor appoint went really well, they agree the letter that BM wrote does give me PR so we are getting a copy of wee one's medical notes and some cream for the infected scabs on her arm and bongela for her mouth ulcers so wee one should be feeling better soon aswell