Aaargh!!!!!!!!! Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!

[karmathreefold]

My husband and I met & married after both our sons were young adults. They are both 21 now.

We have a 1 yr old DD, and are due to have another three weeks before Christmas.

The relationship between the marriage & our sons, has always been difficult. My DS went to live with my parents when I gave up my house, due to the fact that hubby's house was too small, and the lads wouldn't share a room, but the idea was that we'd get a bigger house & DS would move in. That never happened.

When DD was born DSS moved out to his mum, who lives in Scotland with her new family. It was totally his decision (I'd rather he'd stayed so I could have pushed for a bigger house). DSS gets on brilliantly with his mum & her new children, and has his own apartment in her mansion, so I see the attractiveness to him.

DH & I have had two previous christmases together, and both have been tricky & upsetting.

The first DSS told DH that he wouldn't be with us for christmas, if he had to put up with my family, so DH pressured me to spend christmas day with just him & his DS (and I was going to try to persuade my DS). I was upset with this, as I'd seen my family every christmas for the past 40 yrs, but I made the sacrifice.

In the end DSS decided to go to his mums (he was living with us then), so I didn't see my parents or my DS.

Lst year DSS decided to come to us... great! It was the first year for DD (my parent's first grandaughter), but DSS again blackmailed persuaded DH that he wouldn't be here if my family were. So I didn't see them again. My DS was invited, but DH made it clear that he wouldn't give DS a lift home, as he wanted a drink, and that DS wouldn't be able to drink (he can't drive), so DS decided not to come.

This year DSS has to work till 7pm christmas eve, so theroretically couldn't come anyway thank goodness unfortunately.

However, his mum is going away for christmas, ans doesn't want him left alone, so he's asked DH to travel to scotland to collect him... I am NOT happy with this.

To be honest yes it's not nice if he's alone, but my DS hasn't got a dad, yet he's been alone at christmas. I also didn't want DSS this year anyway. I have to have a caesarean due to heart & mobility problems, and do NOT want the house turned upside down. We have NO space (very small 2 bed house), and I just want it to be us. I also don't want DH travelling 300-400miles, and leaving me alone with two young kids, especially as I won't be able to pick up DD. I aslo had very bad PND with DD, and it was DH leaving me alone, when I was anxious that caused this... I just don't want it. I don't even want the hassle of cooking for my DS on christmas day, let alone DSS.

DSS has suggested that DH stay in his house christmas eve night, and they travel back christmas morning.

To be honest I feel like packing my bags, going to my mums & NOT seeing DH over the whole christmas period. He can then miss out on his new family. I don't see why we have to be really inconvenienced as DSS's mum wants to do as she pleases...and having a young lad sleeping on the couch, when I'll be getting up all hours (and possibly be up throught the night feeding the new baby), having my boobs hanging out just really upsets me.

I'm not asking if I'm being unreasonable, as frankly I don't give a damn, but more asking how to tell DH to tell his ex wife that it just isn't on?

your ss sounds just like my sd ...

I would leave your DH and his DS to sort themselves out and I would decamp to my parents with my two LOs in tow. You have a right to see your family at Christmas and the past two you've been stuck with your DH's stupid arrangements and pandering to his unpleasant DS. Can your DS join you at your parents' place? You don't need this kind of hassle and upset after you've just had a CS. Stand up for yourself and stop being a doormat! Your DH and his DS will only stop pushing you around if you don't let them.

Report him to ebay. He is selling things that are not his to sell.

And beyond that - just want to echo post above. phone women's aid. I am concerned about you...your DH's behaviour is way beyond just unpleasant, it is abusive. to you and your kids.

Completely agree with Stewie, was going to post the same thing before she did.

What you describe isn't normal AT ALL. It's not a step issue, it's an incredibly controlling and spiteful man who doesn't seem to view you as a human with feelings and opinions. Everything is his way - you get no say at all and he has NO right to sell/dispose of anything which isn't his.

Please ... this isn't a healthy household in which to bring up your younger kids. Please contact WA to discuss what you can do about this.

Hi, I'm just going through some of my old threads to update those who responded, and haven't seen my thread in bereavement.

Since this thread I have had my second daughter. Unfortunately her heart stopped beating, and she was born sleeping, after a 37 hour labour & emergency caesarean, which resulted in losing 3.5ltrs of blood, and uterine ruptures all over. My daughter was beautiful and 37 weeks old.

Things with DH have been better, but still fraught at times, more so considering we are both grieving.

DH did agree to not have DSS over at christmas, as we both decided to have it just the three of us, and to visit the grave in the morning. But unfortunately DSS still wants to come, so will become more of a bone of contention, as I don't want to do the traditional thing and it will be such a hard time.

Thank you all for helping me out before xx

Karma I am so sorry.

Tbh, I'm not sure what you can do about DH and DSS re Christmas. I'm sure you haven't got the heart for more ructions anyway.

So so sorry Karma about the loss of your second beautiful daughter and can barely imagine how you must be feeling, and your DH too.

As for this bloody DSS thing - surely he is the last person you are going to want to see as you are grieving the loss of your baby. He needs to be told NO - absolutely not. DH needs to tell him ASAP. From what you you have said about him before and the way he behaves, it is simply not on. You need to hunker down with your DH and little girl, and take this easy as grieving is very tiring and stressful.

Hope the 2 of you manage to find some peace in the weeks and months ahead, which are going to be very painful, and that you can take some comfort from the joy of your firstborn daughter.