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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DSS's packed lunches

14 replies

ladygagoo · 09/09/2011 10:51

This is a bit of an AIBU but thought I might get a flaming on there if folk think I am being cruel as it is regarding DSS...

Its a bit daft really but DSS (7) who lives with DP and I full time has just started junior school. We prefer him to have school dinners as we both commute 3.5 hrs a day and at least he has had a hot meal then and it takes a bit of the sting out of the evening routine as well. He was going on about wanting packed lunch so we said (having paid for this term already) that we'd ask him again at Christmas and if he still wants packed lunches he can have them the rest of the year. I then explained what would be in his packed lunch: sandwich, fruit, yoghurt, cereal bar (ie nothing chocolatey or crisps) - maybe crisps once a week but certainly not every day. He then said -theres no point in having packed lunch if theres nothing 'nice' in it.

I suppose what I am asking is if I am being unduly strict about the contents of his proposed packed lunch .... DP basically follows my lead on food and nutrition and we both have equal say on things; I just really don't like the idea of DSS eating a load of crap every day. (his school dinners are v good btw).

He does get crisps and chocolate on occasion, more often when he least expects it so its always a welcome treat rather than something he expects or whinges for.

Hope some of you seasoned SMs/BMs have an opinion on this.

thanks

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mollschambers · 09/09/2011 10:58

Packed lunches here are:
roll with cold meat, cheese or tuna
fruit
yoghurt

Cereal bar for morning break.

ConstanceNoring · 09/09/2011 10:59

I don't think you are being unduly strict at all. In DSs school (6 & 4) they have a healthy lunch box policy and don't approve of crisps and chocolate in packed lunches.

He has a sandwich, mini sausage roll, some grapes or cucumber sticks, and the most 'treat' type thing I put in is a choc chip biscuit or two.

brdgrl · 09/09/2011 11:08

We're going through a similar thing here. DSS and DSD have in past years used a smartcard system. Disaster. They'd tell DH they needed money to put on the card, whenever they felt like it, and he'd give them cash. Supposedly they were then paying that money to the school office, where it was applied to their smartcard and then they were using that to buy lunch. In reality, we are pretty sure that they were just adding the money to their pocket money: DSD was going without lunch and just eating bits of her friends' food, and DSS was buying sweets. It was bad for them, nutritionally, but also costing us a lot of money and taking away from our ability to use pocket money as a reward/consequence.

So, new regime this year! They're not getting smartcards anymore, and have to take packed lunch. DH and I agreed together on what sort of things they could have in their lunch. DSD is 16 and DSS is 14 so they pack their own lunches. We do let them have crisps and a small biscuit (like a penguin or rocky bar), but I am a bit fascistic about it - on Sunday evenings I put 10 rocky bars and 10 bags of crisps in the cupboard, and if they eat them up before the end of the week, then they go without until the next week. (so far they haven't figured out that I have a secret stash.) They also take fruit, sandwiches, yogurt.

I think your proposal sounds fine - one of the reasons for us making the change here is to make it harder for the kids to fill up on junk, so I can understand you wanting to keep his lunches healthy. And your DSS is younger than my stepkids so you may still have a chance! Perhaps you could brainstorm with DSS for some ideas that will suit both of you. Or agree on 2 days a week that he can choose a treat.

Marne · 09/09/2011 11:10

My dd's have cake in their lunch boxes (either home made or a choc mimi roll), most schools are quite strict when it comes to crisps and chocolate, at the dd's school you can have either crisps or chocolate (not both), the chocolate has to be snck size (no full size mars bars ect..).

I wish mine would have cooked as it would be so much eisier but dd1 is too fussy .

glasscompletelybroken · 09/09/2011 11:48

ladygagoo - I actually think you are being pretty kind agreeing to packed lunches at all in the circumstances! I really think it's never too early for children to start considering other people and quite frankly if you are commuting 3.5 hours a day he can jolly well have a hot school meal so you have one less thing to worry about when you get home! If you are happy with the meals provided then stick with your decision. It's hardly abuse is it!!

Original poster

ladygagoo · 09/09/2011 11:55

really appreciate all your feedback. I don't have my own Dcs so sometimes I do wonder whether I have the right idea or not. I just get a bit guilted by DSS when he pulls the 'all the other children have xyz card' on me.

I shall stick to my guns though, and I bet you anything he will stick to school dinners as at least they get a nice pudding every day!

OP posts:

glasscompletelybroken · 09/09/2011 12:29

lol - my dd2 told me when she was younger and at school that ALL the other kids had doc martins and she just had to have them. her birthday came round - she got her doc martins, wore them to school for the first time and came home saying "it's great - I'm the only one in my class with these boots..."

theredhen · 09/09/2011 13:09

My DS had either a small chocolate biscuit or crisps or a piece of cake most days but if he didn't eat the rest of his lunch, the treat would not be there the next day. Fortunately for me he was always honest and brought all his rubbish home, so I knew what had been eaten.

You're not being mean either by giving him packed lunches free of junk or by insisting on school meals. Maybe you could compromise and offer packed lunches one or two days per week?

bananamam · 09/09/2011 13:16

DS is having lunch next week which will consist of wrap/pitta bread or similar, a piece of fruit, some cheese, Yoghurt and a treat. I bake lots and have made him low sugar wholewheat muffins, brownies and biscuits. There are loads of recipess online. Best of both really, but you are not depriving him at all by putting in what you say. A cereal bar would be loved by my DS!

chelen · 09/09/2011 14:05

Hi, my SS has been making his own packed lunch since year 3, we wanted him to practice making choices so agreed a framework - so he has a sandwich (or equivalent), 2 portions of any fruit or veg, a sweet thing (usually a normal biscuit or piece of cake or occasionally jelly if I get round to making any) and one other random item (often he chooses oatcakes or cream crackers with peanut butter). He is now starting to think ahead and sometimes at tea will say 'can I have some of that pasta in my lunch tomorrow' so I think it is now working in terms of him thinking about what he wants.

SS also washes it up when he gets in from school, because as a stepmum I am much too evil to do it for him ;-)

ladydeedy · 09/09/2011 17:13

Ah this is great. my DSS has a packed lunch every other day and a hot (school canteen) lunch every other day. We dont really stock anything in the house such as crisps etc but he does need fuel! So he'll take sandwiches/rolls/wraps, fruit, cereal bars, yoghurt, cheese strings etc. He makes his own (and sometimes makes mine too!).
Like many schools they have a healthy eating programme in general but he can buy chips once a week on his school canteen day. So it's a variety generally.

marshkat · 09/09/2011 20:00

i dont really have problems with contents of lunch box, sandwich (sometimes choc spread) fruit, rice cake and a small biscuit. but we have major DRINK arguments. my DSD is hardley drinking all day at school, ive tried new funky bottles, putting a mark on bottle for what we expect her to drink and even spoke to her teacher, but yet another term and she keeps coming home with a full bottle and says she forgot!

fourkids · 10/09/2011 18:49

It sounds fine to me :)

Also, a lot of DCs' friends are allowed packed lunches only in the summer term (DCs are never allowed packed lunches - I'd forget to buy bread, or no-one would remember to make the lunch, or they'd forget to take it!). This way they have a hot meal in them during the colder months...and it might be a good way of putting him off for an extra term!

Readyisknitting · 16/09/2011 13:54

It is exactly the same deal as mu dcs have. My school age 2 have hot dinners on mon and wed because they have after school activities. Will become harder once they have places at DSS' school, as there are no hot dinners there :-( Guess I will have to become more organised with the slow cooker.

As to contents- it is exactly the same as I put in. Occasionally a cake if we've made some. Ds likes making bread rolls- they're always a treat in there if the dc's have made them themselves. I do have a problem getting dd1 to drink. But then she is lazy about going to the toilet, so maybe the 2 are linked.

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