Advice needed on how to handle stroppy DSS 3 yr old!

[MrsS01]

I told my DSS age 3 not to do something and he said 'shut up'. How should I handle it? He's generally been fine, but is being increasingly rude and stroppy now he's hit 3! I told him its not nice to say that. He does it to everyone, not just me. His dad generally ignores the rudeness. Should I ignore, just keep saying to not talk like that. I personally find it unacceptable and would tell my DS off if he was to talk to me or anyone like that.

Don't just tell him that it isn't nice-get down to his level, look him in the eye and tell him that he isn't going to do it. You need to get him out of the habit-it won't go down well with people outside the family. You need to get DH to back you up-every time.

I think it is pretty normal for a three-year-old to try that on. Having said that, it's also important to teach him that it isn't OK. Try to be kind but firm about it; it isn't the same as an older kid being rude, he is just figuring out the boundaries. When he's rude, give him an immediate and simple consequence - a very short time-out, maybe, and an apology - and then forgive and forget it until the next time. It really should not take very long to put an end to it, if you and DH are consistent.

You just have to be consistent. It isn't so much what you say-you need the right body language for him to understand that it is unacceptable.
They all try it and you need to nip it in the bud because when he gets older he will move on to worse.

I have just read it properly and see that it is DSS and that you are more reticent. I think that you have to forget that and just do what you would do with your DS. You may only be the step mother but if he is with you he will have to fit with your standard of behaviour. Is he with you all the time or just visiting? If he is with his mother some of the time does she let him get away with it?

My DC just turned 4 and this has been quite common for the past six months.

Whilst OW and I do not get on, I have absolutely no problem in her telling him that this is unacceptable - I do and it is unacceptable. He changed from shut up - when I told him off to telling me I had "bad attititude", then stomping off.

I fear it is a continuous changing world of words.

I'm afraid that 'bad attitude' would have me roaring with laughter-which might be a good thing!

exoticfruits - he is only with me some of the time. He lives with his dad, but we all spend quite a lot of time together- the mother isn't around. His dad takes the ignore approach but I'm not happy to be spoken to like that and his dad is happy for me to treat him as I would treat my DS so it won't cause a problem, just took me by surprise! His attitude is a newish thing!

In that case I wouldn't be afraid to lay down the law, in a friendly manner. I would actually catch him next time, before he says it. Bring it in to the conversation as in ' do you think that 'shut up' is a nice thing to say?
If he gives (the preferred) response of 'no'-say that you don't like it, never say it to him and that you want him to agree never to say it to you.
If he says 'yes' tell him that most people don't like it, that you certainly don't and you don't use it to him and he isn't to use it back.
I would go on to say that everyone gets cross and if he is annoyed it is better to talk about it because you can perhaps do something about it. Noone can do anything if they are told to 'shut up'.