Money

[Dinosaurhunter]

Hi everyone i just wanted some opinions really about maintanace so here's a bit of background .
My dh has a 17 ds from a previous marriage and we have a 5 year dd together ( been together 12 years ) my dh splilt from ex when ds was 4 months and she quickly remarried and has 2 other children .
To cut a long story short my dh has paid his ex £550 a mon th since they spilt and now ds has decided to leave fulltime education and has a job (poorly paid )
now my question is do we stop payment to ex or maybe help ds out ourselves ? Just wanted to know if anyone had been in similar situations thanks

Difficult one. If he has 'decided' to leave FT eduction, then at his age he should have weighed that decision up against his earning power now compared to whether he's stayed in education. So to supplement his earnings just because he's now poorly paid would not be terribly wise, I don't think. Helping him out with some one-off costs such as deposit, driving lessons, car etc is different, but not just paying him money to supplement his income when he has chosen to leave eduction.

Why did he leave eduction? Does he have plans to continue with any sort of part time/evening studies?

i thought all money stopped once kids left school??

Ds left because he was on his last chance to pull his socks up and was bunking off so his mum decided he may as well leave ( without consulting us )
I know we are within our rights to stop the money but I just know the ex is going to cause a fuss and was just wondering if people think it's the right thing to do from a moral point of view ?

Magicjamas - thank you it sounds better to hear someone eles say it ! As it's truth !

The truth bloody phone !!!

Is the payment informal or subject to CSA or court order? it may make a difference you can stop payments but I certainly think that your DH should consider revising the payment - the only consideration is whether or not the ex would believe your DH should help to contribute to housing costs. £550 is a considerable sum!

Generally the rule is if child benefit stops then child maintenance stops...hope the ex has correctly updated the CB office.

Fron their web site: The Child Benefit Office may have already stopped your Child Benefit because your child:

?started working full time
?was getting benefits in their own right
Your child may then have changed their mind and decided they want to stop working or come off benefits. If this happened before the end of the 20 week extension period let the Child Benefit Office know. This is because you may be able to reclaim Child Benefit for them up to the end of the extension period. But you must have applied for the extension within three months of your child leaving education or training that counted for Child Benefit.

I agree with allnew that help with one-off set-up costs might be acceptable but he has chosen to leave school and move into the adult world.

My suggestion as a compromise would be to let ds know that, as a gesture of goodwill, the payments will continue until he turns 18, when he is fully part of the adult world. This will allow him some time to work out what he wants to do as a grace period. But I say that without absolutely no experience of the situation so please do treat it with a pinch of salt!

Hope you can find a resolution and that ds finds the right path for himself. Would he consider career counselling or similar? Or maybe he just needs a year or two in the school of life to figure out what education could be good for. My brother left school aged 16 to train as a builder and now has a healthy business, although I know my dad wishes he had gone for something less physically demanding. He also delivered pizzas for years to help make ends meet!

Hi
the payment was a informal arrangment so no courts involved ,I think the advice about paying until he is 18 is a good possibility .
I guess we just feel harsh stopping money when he's so young but for 2 years now ds has had a part time job and his mum refuses to give him money so I suppose counts the 550 as housing costs and food !
Also though it doesn't matter as my dh would always support his son No matter what, his ex and her husband have a combined income of 100 000 plus so not short of a few bob !!!

If they needed the money as a household it may be moral to pay it for a few extra months until your DSD is on his feet. As they don't I don't see why you shouldn't just follow the guidelines that payment stops when education stops...

If it were my son, and he were living with me, he'd have to get himself a job and pay me rent or move outlike any self sufficient adult. I wouldn't be handing over £550 a month to him that's for sure! Why should it be any different becuase he lives at his mothers?

He leaves school without going into college or uni , the money should stop . Its in the csa "rules".
The adult child is old enough to make the desision to leave school , then hes old enough to live by his actions.
Cant be done with pandering to adult offspring, where would it end?.
By all means , pay for driving lessons ,or give a small/partial deposit for flat , but he must learn to be self sufficent .Its a lifeskill that we all need, and the only way to learn it is to do it.

Your priority is now the child that cannot earn an income...not the adult who could if needs be.

I wouldnt worry about suddenly stopping the payments either , the mother knows the will stop on leaving school , its in csa leaflet thats posted out.

Moral question to think about , IS it right that a ex-p would continue to accept maintenence payments of £500 a month (or £6000 a year )for an adult child who is no longer requiring the level of care a child does. Especially when the parent who pays has another dependent child? .

To take from the child who needs to give to an adult who does not ?

I agree with you droves. In some peoples' minds though, moral obligations only ever apply to the nrp, not the pwc

So true allnew

whats nrp &pwc ?

non resident parent & person with care. PWC also known as RP as in 'resident parent'