I am the invisible woman

[Abip]

Ahhh. This step-parenting lark is driving me bonkers! Okay so dp and I were getting along great. Complete u-turn from the non-supportive tight man from a few weeks/months ago. Unfortunately dp had an accident and has been in hospital since saturday (nasty fracture and op) Terribly missing him and its really hard to keep the routine (even though I am more than capable) just not having him there (sad) Dss who lives with us had actually been quite good. Looking after dcs while i go and visit and drop him stuff. Then me and dss saw dp last night before op and wished him well and went after he was settled after op. (sorry long winded but I will get there) Naturally all our friends callling wanting to visit etc... But this morning, his son of 24 and girlfriend in tow just turns up opens the front door without ringing and proceeds to take over the household?! Did not call or contact to say he was coming, expected dinner and lodgings for the night. Then dss (who had been okay up till now) comes downstairs, invites girlfriend round and they all proceed (four adults) to take over the living room !!! AHHH They walked round like they owned the place (even dss girlfreind who refuses to even speak to me) and does not have the courtesy to even consult me in my own home!!! I drew the line when after I had returned with dcs from school(7 people in front room by now) dss proceeded to snog his girlfriend!!! I politely asked him to not do that in others company and i got a snide remark back. Dss girlfriend sat on the arm of my new leather sofa which I politely asked her not to sit on the arm and she does not even batter an eyelid ! (new expensive leather sofa for which dp and i jointly purchased) I know it may seem maybe I am just oversensitive, but I am sick of everyone walking over me and doing as they feel as if its a sodding hotel. Like my dp is going to want a house full of people when he gets home (his own comments) . I think its inconsiderate when his son just turns up as and when no prior calling and bulldozing into our lives. Our plans are often ransacked on the weekends when this happens. I have asked them to call to let us know so I can at least arrange bedrooms and get enough food in ( I have no problem him and partner visiting but would like to know). All I wanted to do was have a peaceful day revising whilst the kids were at school and try to cluck for when my dp is home. Instead I had my living room turned into a playgrounds and four adults ignore me. AIBU ?

Oh god the thought has me in stitches here I can so picture all these scenarios.

You probably dont want to do anything deliberately though, Im pretty sure he will dig himself another very amusing hole soon enough (thanks for the laughs today, Ive needed them)

Brilliant suda, absolutely brilliant. I can just see it all now. How old is your resident dss by the way?

My dss got up at midday and has just been sitting here since. Dp obviously off work with arm and has said nothing to him!!!!

He is 23 Abip - might explain why I am so bitter and twisted and his presence still with me and DH since he was 16 is now worn sooooo thin.

Oh MJ they are arent they - now you've said so am definitely going to do it !

Had a quick scout round but trouble is he always has his prize possesions i.e. phone keys etc on him - especially his keys cos I locked him out a few times when he left door snicked open cos he couldnt be bothered. There is quite frankly a load of crap in there and only the bigger more obvious things such as his laptop and TV which i cant really hide.

Thing is the remote seems a bit obvious now really and DH might just twig - he's not a stupid man except when it comes to LLF. Also I thought of hiding one of his chargers - for his laptop maybe - down back of his bed or whatever as if fallen down but trouble is we've had several barneys re chargers being plugged in and switched on not charging anything and a few weeks ago we had a blazing one cos I ripped them out of wall in temper and threw them under his dressing table. And I am always saying 'Oh look - 'oh look LLFs charging his carpet again' and pulling them out and strewing them into a corner or whatever.

I'll have to work on this one methinks. Maybe the voices will tell me.

couldnt be bothered taking his keys with him that is !

I would have killed him by now if I had a 23 year old living with me suda!!! Is he working? contributing? cleaning? How have you and dh managed to stay together !!!!

Omg is this a sign of things to come?

He works but just enough - part time shop job - contributes £25 per week - just upped it from £80 per calender month as he is now paid weekly - he's too thick to work out is not now paying £100 per month but more like £110 or £108ish. he only wants to work enough IMO to maintain his lifestyle - ie go out with his mates buy clothes games etc and have his mobile phone and run his car. He has just finished a 6 yr degree course IT - and bullshits his dad he is looking for proper job but he isnt. As for cleaning will only wash up under protest and if I didnt insist he would never do it. I dont quite frankly want him doing any other cleaning - he is so hopeless breaks everything he touches - banned from washing machine - engineer out three times in a year and vacuum cleaner same reason and not least because he is such a minger - I just could not drink a brew let alone eat anything he had cooked. I just absolutely insist tbh that he confines his mess to his room - wont let him extend that standard to anywhere else IYSWIM.

The charger thing drives me bananas, - it's e v e r y s i n g l e t i m e aagghh!!

It's dangerous isn't it? or am I talking from my arse when I say that? I mean the plug gets warm so there must be electrickery running through even when nothing's on the end of it (apart from the carpet).

Suda, so you hear voices too? I wonder if they're the same voices which told me to ignore the fact that SS had left his phone in his jeans pocket (again) and had put his jeans straight into the wash basket ???? I should point out that many Blackberry devices respond well to a Leading Brand of Washing Powder .... In my defence, I was only trying to help. I thought the phone might be grubby, and may need to be washed at 60 degrees.

PS - SS usually leaves all his appliances switched on and running 24/7; TV, DVD, X-Box, chargers etc etc. It always worries me that it's a fire risk, so I ask him to switch his electrics off when we go out. DH hates this, and rolls his eyes and tuts - I'm sure he'd rather the house burnt down than trouble his baby boy with a request to switch things off. However I just go into his pit (holidng my nose) and switch the whole lot off at the wall these days. I should add that neither of my cats will venture into SS's bedroom. Which is thankful, because the risk of disease is high. I wouldn't venture in unless my tetanus boosters were up to date.

AHHHH they are all lazy sods. Even today Dss gets up at midday ! Then sits there doing nothing. Dp has been here as off from work sick.

I went on the school run and when I got home dss had gone out. I pointed out to dp dss has done nothing and risen at 12 which is not acceptable. Dp says well theres nothing to do!!! AHHHH!!!

Bathroom is dirty, hoover is on the floor waiting for someone to trip over which i refused to put away as it was dss who got it out as I had cut his hair (I'm not bloody hoovering it up as well)Downstairs bathroom dirty, kitchen needs mopping and laundry was going as I was doing everything else.

In fact when I got in from school run, dp was struggling to fold washing with one arm!

I have said to dp he is off for six weeks at least, and dss will sit there watching tele with him if he does not shove a poker up his lazy, rude, disrespectful, everyone owes me a living, self pitying stinking ass !!!!!

methinks abip is a little cross...

gcb i am a little cross. I'm soooo glad i can vent on here and people can relate to these things otherwise i would have actually committed murder by now.

In through the nose.... and out through the mouth....

Vent away, Abip - I totally get where you're coming from.

Abip - I have said so often that I want to murder my DH ex that I am now praying nothing happens to her or I will be locked up for sure!

Just an update. Dss who lives here and is 19 has announced he is moving with his girlfriend and his parents to about 40 miles away!!!!

How ludricous! Rather than pull his weight and get off his arse he is moving with a girl he has known for a very small amount of time to a place where he knows no-one else. Has no car. No job and no money.

Further more we have pointed out that after a while her parents are going to be pretty cheesed off supporting him like we have done.

Oh well they ahve to make their own mistakes .....

well I guess if her parents do get p**d off with them then maybe they will see what you have been putting up with all this time. Don't worry about them though, it sounds like you need a break. If he comes running back with his tail between his legs then he will have learned something in the process. I'm a strong believer that children (young adults included) need to learn from their own mistakes sometimes. It's part of growing up and will help them make better decision next time.

Definately allnew. The pressure in the household will lighten greatly as most of our issues surround finances and dss doing nothing.

Once we downsize if he wants to return there will be strict rules set be ME if he does not comply he can sling his hook.

To OP - Woah. I would definitely tell the little s.o.b's to GET OUT, and bloody quick. I have a stepdaughter (and she is a lovely girl - always has been - now 27 and newly married) but we've had our "moments" when she was a teenager, and she knows that I won't tolerate any disrespectful behavior from her. Luckily her dad, though he dotes on her, backs me up. If I've ever been upset about something, he symathizes with me and lets her know, in his own way. Therefore she and I have always had a good relationship. She lived with us for awhile, and she always told us when and where she was going. Now that she doesn't live here, even tho the kid has a key she won't use it. She calls before she comes over and she always knocks at the door when she arrives. Common courtesy. You are not being overly sensitive, or rude, or a bitchy stepmom. These kids have no respect for you at all, and that is unacceptable. They expect your motherly assistance, I'll bet, when they WANT something (I've paid more school trip fees, textbook bills and car repair bills than my sd's real mother, I can tell you). Respect is a two way street and when your hubby is better you should have him read all these posts. So he knows the consensus of opinion from other mothers and step parents is in your court. The problem is probably coming, partly, from him and partly because you don't want to upset the proverbial apple cart. Don't really blame you - it can be tricky, but you can't go on with them barging in and stomping all over you. You'll lose your temper one day in a big way, and then it may be difficult to repair the damage. Anyway, my dear, good luck.

One more thought...just read that kid is moving...I'd thank god and be glad it'll be her parents headache for awhile; then turn his bedroom into your craft/reading room. No coming back. I'd tell him to sod off at that point - but easier said, I'm sure, than done.

ABIP

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