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Step-parenting

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Original poster

blending familys

11 replies

1man · 07/11/2010 10:50

I am a dad on one boy aged 11, i am now divorced and have moved into a new home, i have him week on week off. I have met a new partner who has 2 girls and a boy ,ages range from 11 to 17. the problem is distance , i live in kent and she in essex, not far right bar the bridge, it can take 3 hours to get there, this causes a strain .Also there have been lots of outside problems, money, her ex, mine to a degree. i cant move there as my son goes to school in kent and hers are in essex. we have tried to make it work but it seem to be falling apart and now we seem to have jelous issues creeping in.is this doomed ?

OP posts:
Trifle · 07/11/2010 10:52

Yes

Original poster
1man · 07/11/2010 10:57

thanks LOL

OP posts:
Original poster
1man · 07/11/2010 11:00

No it is tough,i think a lot about her but i just cant see it working, she has the kids all the time as her ex is not about. we never seem to have any time alone.

OP posts:
elastamum · 07/11/2010 12:22

Welcome to the world of single parenting. sounds like unless you want to accept that she has to put her kids first you are doomed. Its tough but thats how it is.

Give yourself a pat on the back for taking responsibility for your own child.
Always amazes me how single fathers struggle with women who have kids living with them. Whilst 95% of single mothers look after the children whilst their exes are free to go out and date Hmm

BTW, there is no such thing as a blended family outside of fairytales

reddaisy · 07/11/2010 12:25

If her eldest is 17 can't he/she babysit for the younger ones so that you can go out and have a meal together etc? You could always carry on long distance for a few years and as the children get older make a decision about where you live then.

I truly believe that if a couple love each other enough they can overcome obstacles. But it will be hard work and difficult for you.

Best of luck.

Original poster
1man · 07/11/2010 17:12

Hi elastamum its not that she has put her children first we both do, thats the problem . We have spoken about the future but the strain on the relationship due to having very little time together is telling. can you wait till the kids grow up and does it work , or does the rot set in and you just drift apart. I will not leave my son like a lot of dad,s do ,and i dont expect her to leave hers.

We will have a chat and try one more time to make some time for us, in the early days we could, but she has only been to me less than 5 times this, year but i get over to her most weekends. seems all one way to me.

BTW, there is no such thing as a blended family outside of fairytales.. thats a shame so we had all get used to living on our own till the kids go.

OP posts:
WildistheWind · 07/11/2010 17:31

Hi 1man

I would add my grain a salt here as we have a blended family, I must be living a fairy tale then Hmm

I moved overseas to be with my DH because of the same type of situ with him co-parenting his 2 DDs. I admit it was easier for my as DD's father wasn't involved at all and we agreed that she would gain 2 sisters and a family life by being here with me and DH.

What is the situ with your DP in terms of the children, does she have them full time ? Would she consider a move at all ? or is she in a Week In Week Out shared care as well ?

WildistheWind · 07/11/2010 17:32

easier for *me

theredhen · 07/11/2010 18:22

I do think it can be very difficult to blend families at the best of times and to add a long distance relationship into the mix, can add to the difficulties.

However, there can be a lot of bonuses. You get the best of both worlds. The independence to bring up your children the way you want to without interference, you get to keep your own home, DC don't have to share their rooms and toys, but they also get fun playmates at the weekends and you get company at a time when you are the least busy with work and school runs etc.

I think it can work, but you both have to want the same things and see the positives in the situation as it is.

DP was very keen for me to move in with him but I hung it out for another 18 months as I valued by freedom, but as we were living close by, eventually it made sense to move in with him, but I'm not saying it hasn't been a real eye opener for me and believe me, I wasn't naive at all!

Original poster
1man · 07/11/2010 22:34

No she has her kids all the time, so we have agreed to try just to date only for now, and by that i mean go out and not just stay in with the kids, it will mean less contact but might save the relationship, i hope.

OP posts:
WildistheWind · 08/11/2010 10:08

I hope you find ways to make it work- good luck!

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