should i leave?

[tooyoungtobeastepmum]

I am really questioning what I should do and would appreciate some advice.

I have just moved in with my boyfriend, we were together for a year, he has a little girl we see every other weekend. His ex can be a bit of a nightmare, but all in all it's not too bad, but I just don't know if I can cope with all this.

I'm 34 i want my own children and I just seem to feel very resentful and very jealous of other people who have less complex situations. I just don't feel happy and wonder if i should just leave now before any more time passes.

He is a wonderful man and none of this is his fault, but i just can't help hating the situation.

Yes, the bad days can indeed be bad. But despite all the weird stuff, I love my husband very much, and the good things very much out-weigh the bad.

Suda - if those pots had been left in my kitchen, my reaction would have been very similar to yours!!!

PETAL - I thought of finding out where DSS and BM where eating and walking in with offending pots and presenting them with a litle speech something like this:

Hi BM, sorry to interrupt your nice lunch with DS but he hasnt had time in last few days to wash his pots - so in your own time -
enjoy !!

< wakes up from dream >

btw TOOYOUNG - sense of humour definitely a lifesaving essential to a s/mum. Our mantra girls could be 'Whatever doesnt kill us - laugh it off'

I'd also add - it's not all bad.
And - you must be able to appropriately discipline your DSC's and have your DH support to do so.
My DH has supported me on this, but luckily our kids have rarely required this. Not easy for him, but it's clear we have similar expectations/boundaries.
Is your boyfriend keen on having more kids Tooyoung?

i've been with my now husband for 9 years since SD was 2 1/2 years old and I'm sorry to say its got worse and worse. We now have our own 15 month son whom I wouldnt change for the world but a part of me sometimes wishes I had got out in the early years when I felt exactly like you describe - but then there were no chatrooms or books so I felt like I was going mad and becoming a hateful evil person.
If a friend came to me saying they had met a man with a kid I would honestly tell them to run a million miles away as fast as they can even if he is wonderful. I love my husband but it is really really bloody hard and awful sometimes. By the way by all other accounts to 'everyone' else SD is a wonderful talented amazing fantastic great super kid so I am even more evil for not jumping with joy everytime she is here.
Sorry for the negativity. Really but thats my view.

Hello tooyoung,
Just wanted to say that I'm in exactly the same situation.
I love my DP and want to have a family with him, but because of the situation I would have to change pretty much every aspect of my life. I too find myself feeling jealous of friends are getting married and having babies in less complicated situations. It's really hard not to think about what might have been if I had only met him earlier, and also really hard not to feel angry about the situation.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice and find myself in tears quite frequently over the same thing. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I hope that things work out for you xx

Snowpony, you make a really good point, cos I often wonder what things would be like if I'd met my husband earlier - we'd probably have a 'normal' family of our own, without the spectre of inflexible access weekends and a 16 yr old stepson hanging over us.

If we've had a difficult access weekend, I often ask myself how I ended up in a situation like this. But ..... I think the world of my husband, and want to be with him despite the humungous 'fly in the ointment' (I know I'm gonna get flamed for referring to the situation in such a way).