Need to stop feeling like this

[Glitzy]

I really don?t like spending any time with my d?sd as she is a very unpleasant girl, and I just cant deal with her anymore. She will 18 in a few months. (DH and I have been together for over 6 years) We (DH and I) have 50/50 shared custody with her mum. Whenever she is at ours, within minutes there is shouting and arguments, with my DH often choosing to defend her/stand by her. I have tried so hard over the years to be nice and try to get on, but still gets me nowhere, and now ive got to the point where I just can?t be bothered anymore.

Some of the issues are probably started from different rules at the two houses, which we understand must be difficult (I am a much tidier and have more rules than her mum, and wont tolerate being spoken down to)

We have said she is old enough to live wherever she wants, so she can stay at ours full time or her mums, without any issues, to try make it easier on her, but she still continues to live in both.

Anyone else out there like me? How do you get past it?

Very good idea Cargirl. MJ does your DH react same as mine when you say ' he's not staying till he's 25 if he doesnt pull his weight' - i.e. - helping them to move out/find/set up own place is same as throwing them out to sleep in shop doorway ?? Or would he back you up if it came to that ?

Also my DSS works and he's the same - are they related? - he shouted at his dad a bit ago cos he had a go at him when we'd been shopping and DSS comes out of his room (you know that real eager way small children/dogs do to see what goodies you've got for them - I wanna slap him - but I digress} - and proceeds to rummage - getting in the way while we're opening cupboards/fridge door etc. DH said to him - "You could have washed up DS ( it was all left soaking in the bowl - so a really easy one IYSWIM ) - it was all that we left for you to do !" and DS (outraged)really started shouting at his DD - " I've been working last two days for Gods sake _I'M TIRED! ". But thing is he only pays us a token rent - £80 a month - leaves him with about £400 a month spending money just for himself - just pays his own mobile phone bill and car tax/insurance out of that. So my argument is yes but you dont work for my benefit or the communal benefit of the household - you work for your own benefit - but he treats us as if he's done us a huge favour when he's been to work - as above example.
DH you see always says I am being unfair because I dont mind if I come in and DH is asleep on the settee after working - not a pot washed etc etc - as he works so hard to keep a roof over our heads - and besides he does so much around the house aswell - so I dont mind waiting on him hand and foot sometimes - he deserves it - and he waits on me hand and foot sometimes - I deserve it/have earned it also. DH just can't see - or more like refuses to see - the difference - it just winds me up - I have even started to refuse a cup of tea for example when DH offers to make me one (even when I'm gagging for one - pathetic I know) - because I know if he's making me one he will knock on DSS's door and ask him if he wants one then take it to him - a la room service - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... - and DH has been working all day and DSS is lying on his bed playing his X-BOX whatever.

Sorry for the rant to those of you that have stayed the distance and got to end of this post !! DSS has really wound me up this weekend and had to let it out before my airbag goes off ( gets dragged off screaming ) .

INPMyself Sudas airbag going off

I know this isnt helpful to you guys, but it definately makes me feel better not being alone. Im hoping as my DSS gets older, he turns out alot nicer than my DSD, which, he does seem to be at the moment. Had a pleasant weekend with just the DSS this weekend, so im all stress free today.

oh Glitzy it so does help knowing that being in the same boat helps you - helps us - and you knowing that helps you. if anyone understands this post please feel free to explain it to me - cos i lost myself now !

Yes MJ the little ones do keep you sane - my stepfamily situation has its rewards in the SGK's - who are sooo cute and they are the bond between me and DH - we met too late to have our own - in mid forties. My DH has also grown very fond of my bio GK's so it works both ways - as they are all very young and cute and also none of them obviously live with us - so we just get the good bits realy. The problems are definitely I think when they live with you full or part time and they are teenagers or young adults - very very difficult to bond with older and not your own bio offspring. I also often take out our/mine/his little GK's to get away from house before the men in white coats come !

So cute about the ducks btw

Also btw GLITZY - very good idea about the using passive aggressive to work for you - I think they only straggle well into adulthood really when its not worth them doing otherwise IYSWIM. Might form a cunning plan myself on that front