To dread England loosing

[Soxy2154]

My DH is out tonight watching the game, I'm home praying England win tonight.
If England loose i know I will be in for a beating.

Next time he goes out, barricade all the external doors. When he comes home and kicks off outside call the police and have the fucker arrested. They will help you get a restraining order.
Then divorce the bastard.

@selffellatingouroborosofhateI am still here, I really have no where I can go. It's miserable but I got myself in this mess and only I can get myself out. He is very nice today which probably means he will be forcing himself on me later but I'd rather that than being beat within an inch of my life.

What ?? Then she goes back and because she’s dared to leave it will be even worse.

Thankyou all for your care & concern it is truly appreciated.
I have heard you all. i just wish it was easy to put into practice. Im not innocent in all this I've deserved it at times, I can irritate my DH without knowing and he looses his temper very easily. I try to keep the peace but sometimes it doesn't work. I feel for my children who are innocent in all this.

No family, not at all?

You didn't get yourself into this mess, he did by choosing to abuse you. The police, NHS, local authority, and Refuge (via govt grant) all take my taxes to help you get out. Women's Aid get regular donations from me to help get you out.

probably means he will be forcing himself on me later

If you put KY Jelly in beforehand, it will at least hurt less. But that's to get you through today, not a long-term measure. You need to leave. Your children need you to leave.

You have never ever deserved it!

Repeat after me (and everyone else in this thread. )

“THIS IS NOT MY FAULT”

NO ONE deserve being physically assaulted and that includes you.

You CAN get out. Woman’s aid will help you.

Yes it’s scary. Yes it won’t be easy. But surely it HAS to be better than living in fear and being beaten?

I do have experience of abusive situations and understand how it works.

The op is clearly not about to go to the police - or barricade the door - despite urging because she needs more of a plan. She is also in imminent danger. Removing her & her children from the immediate situation could give her the breathing space needed to line up the support and head space needed to get out.

Its harder to do that when you're constantly on tenterhooks waiting for him to come through the door.

Posters on mumsnet also don't seem to be aware, or forget, that leaving an abusive station isn't simple. Most women take several attempts to do so. Therefore reams of posts telling her to 'get out now' are unhelpful. She knows she needs to leave. Sometimes, it can be more helpful to offer interim suggestions. It is also less overwhelming.

I trust the op would know whether going to stay with a family member or friend for a night or two would make it worse or not. He might not be someone who is triggered by her staying with her mum for the night, for example, so I trust the op to judge whether the suggestion I made is safe for her or not.

He's conditioned you to blame yourself. If you irritate him, he should leave the room. If he cannot live with you long-term, he should divorce you.

He chooses to hit you. You "irritating him" is his excuse for doing something he wants to do anyway.

Nobody deserves physical violence. He has manipulated you into thinking you deserve it. Abusers are good at that. But it’s not true. I really hope you can leave him as soon as possible for your sake and your children’s sake. Although I do appreciate that it may be easier said than done.

There's so many people on here that have done it OP. It absolutely is possible to get out of the situation. I’m one of them.
Speak to women’s aid or the police for some advice, it’s important that you leave safely.
Right now there’ll be an enormous amount of extra police on duty for this, they know exactly what happens when the football is on.
The hardest bit is taking the first step.

Can parents or siblings help?

So sorry to read this .. there will always be another event so please rethink your options
Women’s Aid
Bright Sky app
999
You deserve so much better my love and if anywhere near Derbyshire, I have a car and will do anything to help you

I've deserved it at times

You have never deserved it. Never.

I hope you can find a way out in the near future.

You do not deserve it!
No one ever deserves to be beaten.
i know its hard but even if you don't want to save yourself think about your children.
You can leave, get support from Womens aid https://womensaid.org.uk/
Do something about it today before the match on Wednesday.
He won't change and next time he might hurt your children physically he us already hurting them emotionally, protect them.

Him punishing her for making herself unavailable as his punchbag on match night is what I'm worried about. You didn't acknowledge that risk. Combined with a male username, I thought you were a Tim Well-meaning-but-dim man thinking it was "just" a matter of letting him calm down and then things would be OK. It's never that simple.

Also, he might interpret her leaving and returning as her preparing to leave permanently, and this would very likely prompt him to escalate further. Abusive men are more likely to murder their wives when they try to leave.

You're right, it is never that simple. I deliberately kept my post short because someone in the op's position doesn't need to be overwhelmed with lots of extraneous information when they're already in fight or flight mode.

I also posted for her, not for anyone else. It also helps us to know if there are potential sources of support that for whatever reason she's not using.

@Soxy2154 if my suggestion of staying elsewhere for a night of two does sound like a possibility for you, please say because we can help advise on next steps.

Also don't be afraid to call the police tonight. If you sign up to the text relay service, you can text 999 and speak to them that way, here are the steps to do so:

999 using a text: emergencySMS

You MUST REGISTER YOUR MOBILE NUMBER before you can use it. See how to set up emergencySMS.

1. Register your mobile

Text the word 'register' to 999. You'll need to register again if you change your mobile number.

1. Read the message

You’ll get an automatic text reply. Please read it all.

1. Reply to the message

Read the message and then reply by texting ‘yes’.

1. Get a 'success' text

You'll then get a text telling you that your mobile is now registered - or if there's been a problem…

1. Check it

Text 'register' to 999 and you'll get a message telling you if it's registered or not. Don't text anything else - there's no need to make a test call. You're now set up. Can't register? If you try to register but don't get the 'success' text, check with your mobile provider to make sure they support the emergencySMS service.

Irritating someone does not mean they deserve to be beaten.

@Soxy2154 Does he hit his boss or his colleagues when they irritate him? No! He knows he would get fired. He chooses to hit you because he likes lording it over a woman and having you walk on eggshells around him.

@Soxy2154 your posts probably read like a troll to a woman who hasn’t been there. It’s something people know happens but also are privileged enough to also think it doesn’t really happen. I was the child of parent like your husband. I remember Southgate missing the penalty and bursting into tears and hugging my mum. I genuinely feared she’d be beaten to death. That night my father strangled her so badly she wore a neck brace for 2 weeks. Had her nose broken so badly her eyes swelled horrendously. I can still see it. I’m in my late 30s now and still feel sick whenever poor Gareth Southgate gets mentioned.
My father is dead, my mother is still alive but the life she’s had isn’t living, it’s been survival.
Don’t be my mum, but more importantly, don’t let your kids be like me, famous for pissing myself in a school assembly because I was such a meek child scared of being told off when I put my hand up and a male teacher told me to shush I was so frightened I covered the majority of the kids sat on the floor around me in scared wee.

The him being nice to you being the prelude to him forcing himself on you is one of the most heartbreaking things I've read.

You don't deserve any of it and neither do your children.

Please call Woman’s Aid. It may seem hopeless but there have been thousands of women in your situation who have gotten out. I have a relative who works in this field and she has lots of stories of women who escaped, with their children, and went on to lead secure lives. You have to get the strength to call them, for your children. It won’t get any better if you stay but it can get better when you leave. The fact you wrote this thread makes me think you know that and this is the first step. When you are alone, make that call (not at home, go outside if you can even if he is out). Get that support, they will help you and your children get to a safe space and start a new life. You can get divorced down the line, you can go to the police down the line IF that’s what you want, but right now it’s little steps towards getting you and your children safe.

Christ in a crack house. Look into resources, as well as family and friends. Leave. LEAVE as soon as you can.

What? Are you serious?

Sorry. I just find it unbelievable, horrendous and outrageous that that sort of thing can happen in this day and age. Ring the police or social services and get referred to a women's refuge. You poor girl!