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Original poster

Is it unreasonable for my husband to play cricket in a different county every weekend?

88 replies

Weekendwidow · 02/09/2024 08:57

Hubby wants to join a different cricket team. One that is two hours away.
this means him commuting down to his parents every weekend of the cricket season next year (April-October) and leaving me with two kids age 3and 5.
he works full time in a demanding job where he goes out at 7am to go to the gym and home 6pm.
he also often works abroad for days at a time. I look after the kids but also work two full days a week.
he wants to travel down every Friday from work and come back Sundays.
he also wants me and the kids to go with him every other week.
this means us staying with his parents and my mum having to look after our two dogs every other weekend.
I don’t want to do. I’ve told him this and he’s become insistent, saying he misses his family and wants the kids to be involved and that he doesn’t think his parents have long in life left.
I understand and agree with this, it would be lovely for the kids to see more of their grandparents but I think every other weekend away whilst they are still at school is exhausting and excessive. We will go from three times a year to every other weekend.
their family dynamic is shocking and so much drama between them and his brothers I don’t really want to be involved in it every weekend. Every time we go I come away exhausted and unsettled.
I don’t want to be a nomad ever other weekend. I won’t be in my own space, unable to go where and when I like as I’ll be tied into family plans I don’t want to be apart of. His parents are exhausting and very set in their ways. Very house proud and I’ll be on edge with the kids all weekend. They refuse to go to the cricket as they had a fall out so I’ll be stuck between the drama.
I just don’t want to go. I’ll be exhausted and so will the kids.
am I being unreasonable? I feel like I’ll be giving up my life for bloody cricket as when I’m at a weekend in my own at our house I’ll be solo parenting every weekend too.
mum so unhappy with this.

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 08:59

this issue aside for a minute

what is he generally like as a partner? loving kind supportive?
what’s the marriage like?

because someone this self absorbed…. i suspect will be a twat in many other ways too

hildabaker · 02/09/2024 09:00

I was thinking of how to word it, but @probster has covered it I think.

probster · 02/09/2024 09:00

can he even play for a different county if he doesn’t live in the county?!

endofthelinefinally · 02/09/2024 09:00

YANBU. There is a lot I could say. He isn't putting his wife and children first and is trying to make it your fault.

username44416 · 02/09/2024 09:03

He's obviously completely selfish and self absorbed and doesn't give a toss about you or his children. I would lay it on the line and not budge an inch.

SirChenjins · 02/09/2024 09:04

What does he bring to this marriage exactly?

Of course he’s BU. He wants a single man’s life with the novelty of a family when it suits him.

Turquoisesea · 02/09/2024 09:04

Completely unreasonable. My DH is a cricketer but plays for local side. That was bad enough when the DCs were little being left every single Saturday to look after our 2 DCs alone from April to September. And my DS had no interest in cricket despite my DH wanting him to play. Your DH is being extremely selfish imo so it would be a no from me. He’s got the responsibility of children now so he can’t just do what he wants. I can’t imagine if you had suggested doing the same thing and staying with your parents every weekend for a hobby he would agree!

Colinorpercy · 02/09/2024 09:04

Yanbu, whilst I understand that hobbies are important to people there must be a middle ground here that allows him to still play cricket without meaning he has to travel away every single weekend! In no way is this reasonable. What happens when your kids are a bit older and have hobbies of their own at weekends that may require travelling for game/competitions or whatever…

Blinkingbonkers · 02/09/2024 09:05

Wow, that is quite astonishingly selfish. I agree with the first poster - is this really someone you want to stay married to? But in simple terms no, yanbu .

Seeline · 02/09/2024 09:06

Cricket is a summer sport - just coming to the end of the season. Why is he bringing this up now?

AnnaMagnani · 02/09/2024 09:07

He didn't actually care about not seeing his mum and dad though until there was cricket attached.

He's just thrown them in for manipulation purposes.

Sundayleap · 02/09/2024 09:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Weekendwidow · 02/09/2024 09:31

Thanks everyone. I really felt like I was going nuts and being unreasonable.
he currently plays for our local team but it’s very corporate and they don’t do family days or anything. The one he grew up with is family based and he loved it as a kid. He wants to pass the torch to our boys which I understand but equally I think he has a child’s way of looking at it. in reality his mum had to do the teas for the team as all her boys played and so did their dad, all weekend sat and Sunday, so it was the only way she saw them, she didn’t particularly enjoy doing that as it wiped her out. His parents didn’t build any other relationships with others as they put everything into cricket and then had a big fall out about six years ago so now they are lonely and don’t have many friends. I don’t want to end up like that and I want our kids to explore other things too and not just cricket.
I’m happy to take them down once a month if he wants to see more of them but that’s not an option as we would go for the weekend. You see if he plays here he can’t miss a game a month to see them so his answer is that he will go there every weekend and play for them. He just flat out will not miss cricket. It’s driving me nuts!
he wants the best of both but at the cost of his wife and kids.
I love him dearly, he’s a great dad and he’s a lovely husband and he’s supported me through some shocking times, I had massive health problems after our second was born and nearly died, so I get the take life by the horns but I feel like it’s too much.

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 09:34

What is disturbing is that he even for one minute thinks this is reasonable

Sundayleap · 02/09/2024 09:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Blinkingbonkers · 02/09/2024 09:38

Why on earth does he want to go and play for the club his parents have fallen out with? Does that not add yet another layer of unnecessary politically difficult bat shittery to the whole scheme beyond the whole thing being entirely unreasonable?! Seriously, your dh seems have very little emotional intelligence.

Original poster
Weekendwidow · 02/09/2024 09:39

This is exactly what I’m thinking and don’t want to get into.
its going to cause friction and his mum is deeply hurt by what they did to her and his dad so I feel like it’s just going to open up old wounds for them every weekend and they will have a little grump about it. It’ll turn into a competition of what we can do at the weekend that’s more appealing than going to the cricket and I just don’t want the drama.

OP posts:
Sundayleap · 02/09/2024 09:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

username44416 · 02/09/2024 09:42

Weekendwidow · 02/09/2024 09:39

This is exactly what I’m thinking and don’t want to get into.
its going to cause friction and his mum is deeply hurt by what they did to her and his dad so I feel like it’s just going to open up old wounds for them every weekend and they will have a little grump about it. It’ll turn into a competition of what we can do at the weekend that’s more appealing than going to the cricket and I just don’t want the drama.

OP you must be in a boiled frog situation to even be considering any of this. You actually seem to be questioning whether your perfectly reasonable doubts are wrong.

Your husband is extremely self centered and has allowed his obsession with cricket to completely side line his responsibility as a husband and father.

I don't know anyone who would seriously countenance this.

probster · 02/09/2024 09:46

Weekendwidow · 02/09/2024 09:39

This is exactly what I’m thinking and don’t want to get into.
its going to cause friction and his mum is deeply hurt by what they did to her and his dad so I feel like it’s just going to open up old wounds for them every weekend and they will have a little grump about it. It’ll turn into a competition of what we can do at the weekend that’s more appealing than going to the cricket and I just don’t want the drama.

this is appalling your dh is putting you on this position

i think you need to reconsider your view your dh is “wonderful”

he seems utterly selfish, self absorbed and…. a twat to me

reallyworriedjobhunter · 02/09/2024 09:48

Wow. It's all about him.

Why not spend all that time and effort in the community where you actually live? Where his wife and children live? It's deranged.

LaughingElderberry · 02/09/2024 09:49

He misses his family, so plans to spend every weekend doing something that doesn't involve them? His Mum & Dad are not going to want to go and watch every game because it's a sore spot for them.

So when he says that he wants you all to have wider family time together, what he means is that YOU look after the DC and spend time with his parents, whilst he swans off with his bat and has a lovely time doing something he enjoys, whilst patting himself on the back about what an involved son, father and husband he is.

He doesn't sound like a great or a lovely at all. He sounds like a selfish twat who has not stopped to think that his wife and children are separate individuals in their own right with interests, rather than just extensions of himself and what he wants to do.

AgnesX · 02/09/2024 09:49

probster · 02/09/2024 08:59

this issue aside for a minute

what is he generally like as a partner? loving kind supportive?
what’s the marriage like?

because someone this self absorbed…. i suspect will be a twat in many other ways too

It sounds like he's not around enough to be supportive or much else really.

Rubyandscarlett · 02/09/2024 09:53

AnnaMagnani · 02/09/2024 09:07

He didn't actually care about not seeing his mum and dad though until there was cricket attached.

He's just thrown them in for manipulation purposes.

This!!!

longdistanceclaraclara · 02/09/2024 09:56

He sounds like a selfish twat who is checking out of family life.

DH played cricket when we met and it pissed me off no end. Basically ruled him out of any event for the whole of the season. When the kids arrived he quit.