Is it unreasonable for my husband to play cricket in a different county every weekend?

[Weekendwidow]

Hubby wants to join a different cricket team. One that is two hours away.
this means him commuting down to his parents every weekend of the cricket season next year (April-October) and leaving me with two kids age 3and 5.
he works full time in a demanding job where he goes out at 7am to go to the gym and home 6pm.
he also often works abroad for days at a time. I look after the kids but also work two full days a week.
he wants to travel down every Friday from work and come back Sundays.
he also wants me and the kids to go with him every other week.
this means us staying with his parents and my mum having to look after our two dogs every other weekend.
I don’t want to do. I’ve told him this and he’s become insistent, saying he misses his family and wants the kids to be involved and that he doesn’t think his parents have long in life left.
I understand and agree with this, it would be lovely for the kids to see more of their grandparents but I think every other weekend away whilst they are still at school is exhausting and excessive. We will go from three times a year to every other weekend.
their family dynamic is shocking and so much drama between them and his brothers I don’t really want to be involved in it every weekend. Every time we go I come away exhausted and unsettled.
I don’t want to be a nomad ever other weekend. I won’t be in my own space, unable to go where and when I like as I’ll be tied into family plans I don’t want to be apart of. His parents are exhausting and very set in their ways. Very house proud and I’ll be on edge with the kids all weekend. They refuse to go to the cricket as they had a fall out so I’ll be stuck between the drama.
I just don’t want to go. I’ll be exhausted and so will the kids.
am I being unreasonable? I feel like I’ll be giving up my life for bloody cricket as when I’m at a weekend in my own at our house I’ll be solo parenting every weekend too.
mum so unhappy with this.

Twat.

We're a 'cricket' family.

There's probably a hundred local cricket clubs between where you are now and a 2 hour drive away. And 10+ in your immediate area.

At least one would be more family friendly and look to encourage All Stars / cricket minis for the kids.

This is 100% driven by a desire to ignore family life and the responsibilies that brings and just decamp to Mummy's every weekend over the summer.

Fuck that.

Is your eldest in Reception or year one? Just give it the autumn when there will be a birthday party every weekend, and point out how much s/he will miss out on and how socially isolated they may feel. (So that dad can relive a childhood that's clearly ended in some acrimonious ways).

I actually feel quite sorry for your husband. I think this must be a bit of a mad attempt to get back a sort of idealised version of his childhood. I would guess that although it is of course hugely self centred, it may not actually come from a bad place. But rather a wish to hold onto, replicate and pass on what was good about his childhood to his own children. But he will have to accept that his own childhood has gone and he will need to build something for his children where you are. He cannot go back. He can take what he felt was good forward more locally to you - as others have said, look up clubs that offer All Stars cricket!

The fact that you question this absurdity, fluff it up with tales of how wonderful he is otherwise, and are scared of bringing it up, tells everyone reading it this...

You are in a completely unhealthy and sexist relationship where you have both completely lost sight of the fact that you are supposed to be equals.

Until you realise that he's not wonderful at all, far from it, he is abhorrently selfish; there's not much anyone can say to help you.

He doesn't sound like a great dad at all.
There must be weeks he barely sees the children and now he wants to block every weekend for half the year. What about their hobbies? What about your hobbies? Parties, local events etc.?

What a selfish man. What a crap husband. I would genuinely be thinking of leaving someone like this. You're not half a couple, you're an extra to his main character. Honestly how much parenting does he even do?

I’d be honest and say no. Tell him you have joined a sewing class in the next county and he’ll need to travel with you to care for the kids - every other weekend. When he says no, you can say “ hey! It’s unfair isn’t it? That’s how I feel”.
he is being incredibly selfish.

This might be the way of getting through to you op, that you are not in a good relationship.
Can you imagine this reversed? Exact same. Can you imagine what his response would be if you suggested him traipsing along to somewhere you wanted to go with this frequency. Do you think he would need to tread carefully as he responds for fear of upsetting you?

I'll repeat whether you're ready to hear it or not, maybe you'll come back to this thread whej the penny drops.

You are married to a deeply selfish man. Yes, he will have moments or niceness, everyone does.

Some times it’s easy to write a note, takes the emotion out of it all, and gives him time to really think, tell it as it is.
When I’ve done notes and read them, or received them, I can see things more clearly

This is not a good relationship.
Whatever happens, do not get coerced into making the cricket teas.

So you do most of the parenting during the week and then during half the year you do it all at weekends?
On the weekends you stay at home he'll contribute zero (childcare, parenting and household chores) ...and the weekends you shlep down with kids to his parents, he'll be playing cricket or socialising....so also mostly not available....but yours and kids choices for doing things and socialising will be limited...because you live somewhere else?
And he can't see that this is unreasonable?

And the bit about his parents is emotional blackmail. If they are actually frail and haven't got long left, (i guess this might be an exageration) will they actually want or cope with an extra person staying every weekprobably expecting them to do laundry and cooking for him and an entire family decamping there every other weekend?

Suggest to him you will go to your family every weekend Oct to April and he’s welcome to join you and look after the kids while you read books in bed alone or whatever.

Yup, but remember every other week the op gets to go alone to do whatever she wants whilst the husband stays at home solo parenting all weekend. He can bring the kids and solo parent them whilst the op does whatever she wants only every other week.

Hate to say it, but is he actually going off to play cricket?

That’ll be a hard no.

Do your best to make him understand he’s being a real nob here - putting some fantasy ahead of being a good father and husband.