I'm going to preface this by letting you know I didn't get pictures... my groin area is not particularly well kempt, otherwise I would have definitely got some good ones!
Massive throbbing boil within my pubic hair near where the pubic hair meets the leg crease. It's been annoying me for days and I'd assumed it was one of those unsatisfying under-the-skin books that never come to fruition. How wrong I was.
Sat on the loo and I can feel it pulsating so I give it a little squeeze. Pain of squeezing is no longer akin to childbirth and I realise IT'S READY!!!
Give it a good hard squeeze and it literally shoots past my hand at precisely 63,643,739 mph.
Splatters got as far as the top of the door opposite the loo - a good 1.2m away! I dread to think how far it would have gone if the door had been open 
A close second to the Great Boil At Work Squeezing of 2017 when, in the same situation, the splatter got to 8ft up the wall opposite the loo (high ceilings) approx 1.5m away. Luckily there is a portable step and the cleaning products are stored there 
(not envy!)