Ask the expert: Bonding, big feelings and your baby’s early development - £100 voucher to be won

[LibbyMumsnet]

The first few years of your child’s life lay the foundations for their future confidence and wellbeing. From those early cuddles and cries to starting in childcare, these years can bring lots of questions about crying, clinginess, separation and big emotions.

We’ve invited Dr Matt Price, Clinical Psychologist and Director of Research and Grants at the 1001 Critical Days Foundation, to answer your questions about bonding with your baby, understanding their emotional needs, and helping babies and toddlers feel safe and secure as they grow.

You might want to ask:

• Why is my baby crying so much - and how can I tell what they need?
• Am I spoiling my baby if I hold them too much?
• How can I help my child feel confident starting in childcare?
• How can childcare support my child’s social and emotional development?

Matt will be posting answers throughout March. Share your question by 31st March for your chance to win a £100 VEX voucher (T&Cs apply).

About Matt:
Dr Matt Price is an experienced clinical psychologist who has worked across NHS services, local authorities and children’s charities to improve support for babies and their families. He previously led a specialist NHS parent-infant relationship service and was Head of Start for Life Mental Health and Clinical Advisor to the Department of Health and Social Care, helping strengthen national support for families in the earliest years.
Now Director of Research and Grants at the 1001 Critical Days Foundation, Matt is passionate about early intervention and the power of secure, loving relationships to shape a baby’s lifelong emotional wellbeing.

Alongside Matt’s answers, you may also find the Best Start in Life hub helpful for clear, NHS-approved guidance on bonding with your baby, supporting your child’s development, and navigating childcare and early learning.

Is it useful for other people to be involved in looking after my baby from a young age other than my Husband and I?

My daughter is 15weeks old. I was wondering if u can start her on baby cereal. As when ive given her calpol she is swirling it around her mouth. Is this a good sign to start food

How can I help my child feel confident in new situations and not just cling to me?

My young twins are starting reception this year. They are summer babies and I worry that they don’t have much confidence when it comes to making friends etc. The older children just seem a lot more advanced emotionally and I worry it will hold them back and they’ll find it difficult or other children won’t play with them. Do you have any tips for not only supporting them in starting school, but also for twins!

How would you prepare an older and younger sibling to be separated when the eldest goes to school ? The youngest will miss their sibling and the eldest may become jealous of the younger one being with me.

When your DC is very clingy, and cries when you leave their sight, how would you start to prepare them for nursery at 12 mo, I know this is the best for us all, but how do I prepare, start slowly with short absences, or longer absences nearer the time.

My child is looked after by grandparents, my husband, myself and preschool. I work 5 days a week and feel really guilty. Is there any evidence that it would be better for her to specifically be with me or is it ok that she is with my husband and mum. Preschool is 3 days a week and she is 2

Do you think babies and pre-school children benefit from a screen-free environment?

How do our babies and young children in England / the UK compare with their European peers? What are we doing well and what lessons could we learn from other countries?

At what age do you think you can leave your baby overnight? (With a sitter!)

How do you know when the baby's crying is something serious outside of something like colic? Like when do you know you should be taking your baby to the hospital to get things checked out as opposed to having that motherly anxious feeling that comes naturally from hearing your baby cry?

Hopefully my question makes sense!

What is the best way to get my kids to learn more than 1 language? Is it true that it's best for the same group of people to stick to 1 language? Upto what age is this needed to get the kids to be fluent in more than just English?

I remember when growing up, my youngest brother took longer than normal to be able to sleep on his own. I think it was a combination of feeling unsafe alongside other reasons that he wasn't able to and he would only fall asleep if someone was there while he fell asleep.

Now I wonder whether there was a better way to go about this rather than just giving in every time. Is there a better way to go about this or is this normal for a small proportion of kids?

How important are social events for a kid's development, especially for kids that are being homeschooled? Like how often should they have social interactions with kids their own age?

Generations of children are now being institutionalised and looked after mostly by people who don't love them, from a very early age. How damaging do you think this will be to society in general and to the children (and their parents) in particular?

Our daughter, now 11 months, has always had a very loud cry/scream and still gets upset at certain situations. She doesn't always get comfort from contact/cuddles and seems to push away sometimes. She is independent and likes to do things on her own. How can we best support her and limit these outbursts? All medical staff have been shocked at the volume of her cries

How do you know if your baby and toddler feel loved and what you’re doing is enough? (Without waiting until they are adults)

My toddler really struggles at night and i lie with him until he falls asleep. Am i creating bad habits as i hate the thought of him being scared without me

My 6 month old is exclusively breast fed and has a dairy allergy so formula isn’t an option for us (she won’t drink the non dairy formulas)
She still wakes every 2-3 hours overnight and I am exhausted!
What options do I have to potentially leave her with someone for a few hours so I can have a break (pumping isn’t the easiest for me as it takes me at least 3 sessions to pump enough for a bottle!)
Also, what can I do to support her with overnight sleep to reduce the wake ups? I feed her back to sleep but I don’t think she’s actually hungry each time she wakes and worry this is becoming habit now?

Best way to prepare your clingy toddler for child number 2 - what's your best advice - giving a child a sibling is the best - and worst (for them emotionally sharing mum)

Carring a 8mo in a baby sling helps me cope with being hands free when I am going anywhere, and when the pram is used it's a forward facing one - do you think this would confuse- as I think eye contact engagement is really important.

My little one is struggling to sleep in her own bedroom at night. I dont want to abandon her to it but also dont want to foster more clinginess (shes an only child, mummy's girl).Any tips please.

our child clearly has a favourite parent and it’s really getting quite difficult to manage. We thought this would be a phase but it’s over 6 months in now. I’m finding it really tough as this means every bedtime is on me and I get no time to relax or me time. My partner (babies dad) wants to help and support and is doing everything to build that relationship but is being met with major resistance from baby. How do we help to ease this situation gradually to help both of us thanks so much

Thanks for all your questions so far!

Dr Matt Price will be answering some of them shortly.

In the meantime, please do keep your questions coming - everyone who posts a question by 31st March will be entered into a prize draw to win a £100 voucher.

@sharond101 What a thoughtful question, and one that’s often on the minds of new parents.

In general: absolutely! Babies can thrive when they have a small network of loving, responsive adults around them; including trained professionals at childcare settings. As long as others are offering warm, consistent care, your baby can benefit from those additional relationships and the sense of safety and connection they bring. It can also be useful to you and your husband to re-charge your batteries, which can be useful if you’re running on limited sleep!

That said, the early days can sometimes feel overwhelming. There may be moments when lots of eager family members or friends want to hold or help with your baby. You may find yourself missing that quiet time to simply be together. If that happens, it’s completely okay to say so. Gently letting friends and family know that you’d value some quality time to cuddle and bond is both healthy and understandable.

@StickChildNumberTwo

It can feel tricky when your little one wants to cling to you in new situations. It can leave you feeling torn between wanting to comfort them and wanting them to gain confidence.

Sometimes our urge can be to try and peel them away and push them to embrace the new situation. You may be worried that your little one isn’t independent enough or perhaps you worry about what others will think about your ‘clingy child’. Remember that looking for connection from your parents when you feel unsure is a normal part of early child development.

Pushing our children into the new situation can make them feel more unsure and – perhaps counterintuitively – make them want to cling to us even more.

Here are my top tips:

• Talk to your baby or young child about the new situation ahead of time. “We’re going to visit Granny’s house, she has blocks to play with!”
• Name their feelings. “I can see that you feel a little unsure about playing here right now. Let’s have a cuddle and you may feel ready to start playing with your cousins soon.”
• Avoid the urge to call them ‘shy’. Calling your child shy can feel like a natural way of trying to explain to other adults why they may not want to play straight away. But your child will be listening and may start to see themselves as ‘shy’ and start to behave in a shy way in future visits.
• Instead of calling them shy, keep things open and put your child in the driving seat: “Lyra isn’t quite ready to play just yet, she’ll let us know as soon as she’s ready to join in.”
• After the visit, you could help your child make sense of what happened so they are even more prepared next time “You seemed uncertain to begin with but you really seemed to enjoy playing with those blocks by the end!”