Do you have questions about the fourth trimester? MAM’s experts are here to answer your questions

[BellaMumsnet]

Created for MAM

Whether you’re a first time parent or have had a baby before, each pregnancy is different physically and emotionally. Whatever your question about the fourth trimester is, MAM’s experts - Zoe, Claire and Naomi are here to answer your questions.

• Everyone who shares a question on the thread below by the 6th October will be entered into a prize draw.
• One lucky user will win a £200 Amazon voucher.
• MAM’s experts will be back online in a couple of weeks to answer a selection of your questions.

About Midwife Zoe Watson: Zoe is a Registered Nurse and Midwife with over ten years of experience working in the NHS caring for patients and their families. Zoe qualified as a Midwife in 2012 and has since worked in various settings, from a specialist home birth team to a high-risk delivery suite, and most recently at a community birth centre.

About Health Visitor Claire Crips:
A dual-qualified nurse, midwife & health visitor with three beautiful children of her own. Currently working as a health visitor, Claire loves working with families.
Supporting them and their babies through the good and the hard times.

About Consultant Naomi Saunders:
Naomi Saunders, mum of two, infant massage consultant and primary school teacher, Naomi has since become an advocate of Combination Feeding and works with MAM to raise awareness of parents right to choose their own path when it comes to feeding.

Here’s what MAM has to say:
“Here at MAM we believe in supporting every mum on their feeding journey whichever journey they choose. We want mums to join us in supporting each other, MAM has a solution to help parents feel confident and babies feel good.”

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!
MNHQ

Mumsnet Insight T&Cs apply

Hello @UmmMaryam2019, the 4th trimester is the first 3 months and this is when you and your baby learn about each other and become accustomed to the new way of life. The first three months are when hormones can change feelings and thoughts and some mothers may require support at this time. Baby blues generally last for a few days/ weeks and at around the 6-week mark if mothers are still feeling low then it is time to reach out for support. Health visitors can offer this support and a GP – there are maternal well-being support groups and charities that can also support families around this time. MIND and the Association for Post-Natal Illness are great charities to reach out to. Please see your local health visitor for further support. Thank you, Claire.

Hi @jellybeanpopper, I notice many of you have asked a similar question in this thread. I think the fact that you are all asking shows what kind and mindful parents you are! :) In the early days with a new baby, try to accept all offers of help to ease the burden whilst you're getting to grips with feeding, resting and recovering yourself. If you are feeling less stressed, then this will rub off onto your older child. If someone suggests a trip out of the house for your older child, take them up on the offer! However, with time you'll all start to find your feet with a new family-life routine and feel more confident in doing fun things with your older child, with your newborn in tow. Allow your older child lots of time to adjust and be open to discussing all feelings they may be experiencing during this transition. In terms of practical advice, try to carve out windows of undisturbed one-to-one time with your older child when the opportunity arises. It's surprising how even a 10-minute cuddle with books on the sofa or playing their favourite game will hit the reset button for you both. As a Mum, when I was getting to grips with having two children, I made sure the time I had with my oldest daughter was free from tv, phones or distractions so they got my undivided attention (even for a short while). Good luck! Zoe :)

Hello @B1993, it's a common problem, affecting more than 1 in every 10 women within a year of giving birth. It can also affect fathers and partners. The main symptoms include: feeling sad, low in mood or tearful most of the time, feeling agitated or irritable, loss of interest in the world around you and no longer enjoying things that used to give you pleasure, lack of energy, and feeling tired all the time, trouble sleeping at night – you may be awake even when your baby is sleeping, feeling very sleepy during the day, problems concentrating and making decisions, loss of appetite or overeating (comfort eating) and experiencing negative thoughts. This list is not exhausted, and different people have different feelings. If you have any concerns, please see your Midwife, Health visitor and/or GP to go through how you are feeling and if you need further support. Thank you Claire.

Hi @3mma22, thanks for your question. I understand your comments completely. I hope that now we use the term 'fourth trimester' more, it will highlight the importance of good postnatal care for new mums and babies. Unfortunately, it's difficult to comment on the available support as NHS trusts vary from location to location. Therefore, a service that may be on offer in one area may not be available in another. However, I will say the GP is always the best port of call for any of the issues you have raised. They will also be able to refer to the appropriate service in your local area and advise you of alternative/private options. Zoe :)

I have been with my partner for 3 years. I have a 19 year old son and a 14 year old daughter and he has a five year old son. My two still live at home and they do not spend any time with their father (that’s a separate issue!) my partner sees his son twice a week. A Tuesday night and either a Friday to Saturday eve or Saturday to Sunday. For the last two years, he has stayed at my house with us and has slept in my bedroom. My partner has his own (one bedroom) place but chooses to stay with me at the weekend when he has his son. We plan to all live together but he’s holding off on moving in until my son decides to move out (could be a while yet!) I have said that’s ok however, I’m not happy to continue sharing my room with his son. I have said him that it’s not appropriate or fair on any of us. When his son is in my room, we have zero privacy because he has no boundaries and no concept of people needing privacy. He bursts in on my daughter and doesn’t knock on her door. I work alternate weekends and request for his son not to be in my room when I’m getting dressed as I don’t feel comfortable getting undressed around him.

My partner is now suggesting that we break up because he feels I am being unreasonable and I quote “He’s still so young. I try to see your point. Always. But I’m just not sure. That’s not me saying I don’t respect how you feel. I do. It is what it is, I’m just not so sure how I feel about it and what to fully make of it”

This was in response to me saying that he should be in his own room and I am looking to move into a bigger house for that to happen.

I don’t know what to do. I love my partner so very much but it’s putting a strain on our relationship and I’m being made to feel like I am being unreasonable for wanting our own adult space and for his son to have his own room.

I’m sorry you are going through this.
tbh if I was the mother of the little boy I’m not sure how I would feel having my child sleeping in the same room as another woman.
i feel that boundaries have to be in place somewhere and that’s a little stepping the boundaries for me as a mother of a 4 year old boy. id prefer he stayed at his own flat when he has his son.
I don’t think this is an unreasonable ask. It also give you and your partner time to miss each other.
that’s not to say you can’t go out and do things as a family in the day time.

I think your partner is over reacting in saying you should break up over this, he should be a little more understanding…

if you both work together you could buy a bigger property where he can have his own room which would be perfect.

I hope you guys can sort things out

Congrats to @hannahbjm who is the winner of the prize draw!

Hi @Oiseaux. Thanks for your question! Firstly, as a fellow Mummy and a midwife, I would say that you don't need to explain yourself to others. Parenting can be challenging to navigate in general, and we are often met with views that differ from our own. So sometimes, it is best to agree to disagree respectfully. However, if you are talking to someone open to learning about the fourth trimester, this link is a great resource! Zoe :)