How do you start a conversation with your kids about internet safety? £200 voucher to be won

[CeriMumsnet]

Online safety can feel like a challenge for parents, but if it’s something you find difficult to talk to your children about, you’re not alone. We’d like to hear from you about your experiences starting conversations about online safety with your children. Have you managed to have constructive discussions with your children? Were there any helpful tools or resources you used? What challenges did you face, and what advice would you give other parents who are unsure about how to start a conversation with their children?

• Share your advice and experiences about starting conversations with your children around online safety.
• One lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher
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We know it can be difficult for parents to have conversations about online safety and mealtimes are a moment where quality conversations can take place. This is why Tesco Mobile has partnered with The Café and child psychologist Dr Martha Deiros Collado to make mealtimes even more meaningful. Working with online safety experts, Internet Matters, Tesco Mobile has created a series of helpful conversation starters to help you start the discussion about being safe online with your children.

Here’s Tesco Mobile CTO Sally Marriott has to say:

"As parents, we’re constantly navigating new challenges, and keeping children safe online is one of the most pressing. We’ve created these conversation starters with the aim of making these tough topics approachable for families. Parents can easily access our conversation starters by searching ‘Tesco Mobile Online Safety’ or by scanning the QR code on ‘table talkers’ in The Café, found in 322 Tesco stores across Great Britain & Northern Ireland.”

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ
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We let it come up naturally, for example, if we're watching something on TV, we'll say, "Do you think that was a good choice? How do you think it made X feel when Y sent that message/ didn't respond to a message/ forwarded something private to other people?" or, "Has anyone ever sent you anything like that? Who would you talk to if someone was making you feel unsafe online? Do you know how to use the block and report function on this app?"

We try to keep the conversations casual and judgement free. DD 4 doesn't have unsupervised internet access, unlike SD 15, but I want both of them to know that they can come to me if they are ever in a difficult spot or have seen something upsetting online, even if they have broken the rules or made mistakes on the way there.

For example, I hope neither of them would be sending nudes but if someone was using nudes they'd sent to blackmail them, I wouldn't say they shouldn't have sent them. I'd just step in to help them sort it out.

Its a difficult one when there is age gap between siblings and for younger one some of the conversation may not be age appropriate. But we also try to talk about as ad when it comes up.

From the moment your child starts using a device, it's important to talk about online safety in an age-appropriate way. Even young children can unwittingly expose themselves to things you don't want them to see – and download damaging software without realising what they are doing.
Right from the start, you need to talk to your child about never talking to anyone online who they don't know in real life, and never telling anyone their name or where they live.
Also, be clear about what they can and can't do online.

I don't put them on the spot but - No one likes being quizzed on what they are doing, but your child will open up to you if you have regular conversations about what they enjoy doing online. What's their favourite game? What makes them laugh? What is the best site to learn new things from? then you can gauge if you need to intervene

I will do it in a way which would not give them nightmares - it's just the updated stranger danger talk I had as a child - also I would tell them that there are settings with my ISP to help protect them. I would make sure any device they use cannot access the internet, and privacy is on the highest settings.

When my child was in year 6 at primary school, I discussed what type of images are okay to send to friends and family, and what areas of your body are private. I have had massive worries about sexting and blackmail for these images.

I have let my eldest DC have a mobile phone, but there is no social media allowed - I think it has destroyed so many young minds. I have spoken them about giving their number out on Whatsapp - (we use this a a family)
There are games installed on the phone - but they are not linked to an apple account.
They have laptops for watching youtube - but I have given them their own log in with settings - and they know I will check their history - and I have explained why.
I am still debating whether to let them have an an account on their PS5 to play with friends - and be able to block any unwanted users joining games.

My oldest is ten and she talks to her school friends via her iPad. Which we check regularly! She accepts this and I ask her questions and explain why I'm checking and and say that we don't talk to people we don't know. It can be difficult to navigate when her friends have a lot more "freedom" online for lack of better words. We just try and calmly explain people aren't always who they say they are and as you wouldn't talk to someone you didn't know on the street you wouldn't do it online. We try and be relaxed about it as she would be worried to come to us if she thought she'd be in trouble so we do push that she wouldn't be in trouble sometimes people say things like that because they're afraid of being in trouble and try and manipulate the situation. We have all her logins and passwords and she needs permission for game downloads. It's very difficult navigating technology and tweens especially when it can be isolating for them to be without. (Well in our area at 10 seems to be one of a handful without a phone, I don't like giving in to peer pressure but don't want her to socially be left behind either so encouraging online safety is key).

I just tend to discuss it when it comes up

I do the 'stranger danger' talk when using gaming forums, I have told them I trust them on-line to be sensible, and if you ever put anything on the internet - It WILL stay there forever - and to be wary. The internet can be a great connection for children and their friends - but we have to trust them - but be wary about those less desirables who are on the internet too - they know to come to me if they feel incomfortable about anything - and block any friend requests from people they don't know

I have the conversation after school, when homework is done and we have had dinner and they want to play on their consoles, I ask that they don't let anyone they don't know into their chat room, and if they are uncomfortable about any conversation, make an excuse and leave the group. We don't have any payment card linked to the account - they buy PS cards with their spending money.

This is such a difficult topic to navigate as teenagers can feel like they know it all.
I try to make them aware of all the different dangers online ranging from scammers who might want to steal from you to people who might not be who they seem and everything in between.
I find they sometimes come home with stories from school about some trouble that has happened with online activity and that allows me to open the conversation more and we can discuss that particular situation plus delve further into things.
I also remind them that whatever they put online will exist forever so never ever wrote something, say something or video something before incredibly careful consideration.
I also ensure my children know I will always be open to them coming to me for help and support - this point is so important because if they are scared to speak to me about something it can escalate and be made worse.

For me it's after school when they want to play on-line with their friends, not to accept friend requests, and not to send request to peaple they don't know, I have spoken about sexting - I have said if they feel uncomfortable about sending photos fo 'friends' not no - I have also said if you are being bullied or name called or threatened on line to come to me or daddy and we would always be there. If your kids are raised to be sensible and gain your trust they need to know that you support them and trust their judgement.

Talk about it when they use their phones. They know to check first if they want a new app. And they understand why I keep an eye on their phones and what they are doing on them.

I discuss internet safety when I bought this book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Staying-Safe-Online-Louie-Stowell/dp/1409597814/ref=sr_1_3?crid=11RFY29CVB806&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.HyHUvcPWgb2RiYo-9d2MgHKkrMU3Hku2ARrLqEcXaJyUfyRDqOnnv-0Rjc5sHCSEXm96Xvl07drIAWpByqxzcs6nFxIiOwp9U2GoAcDAA4cioS8l-RcOzyaoXveso0zXvzV8gYFFChNwyWCW_TbsEM1cb-e58CvED5EaPP3S0ddpv0vLUOUeeVbULJVGAb0eq7u_gQPUaMSxpPE3CS9phGtd4pa2_3Vg9gncCG_RLWs.uiTZm4M3JRuF2FVbEzWs5N1PGWa0fJ0S1pdHFuq2KF0&dib_tag=se&keywords=internet+safety+books+for+children&nsdOptOutParam=true&qid=1734434165&sprefix=internet+sa%2Caps%2C95&sr=8-3
there is also one for smartphones - alice through the looking glass - I found it a good source for showing and helping children understand the dangers of the internet - without frightening them

We obviously heavily restricted what DS could access, but I had a conversation with him where I explained to him that there is lots of great things on the Internet...but since nobody is 'in charge ' of it, mean people can sometimes put things on there that are horrible or scary. We had a discussion about the sort of things that he might find scary, and that if anything made him feel uncomfortable he needs to tell me or DH...

...and he did. He came to us saying that he'd seen something that scared him (it was just a bizarre animation, thankfully); it gave us the opportunity to ask him what he thought we should do about it - which was brilliant, since he said he didn't want to access that site again, and only wanted to access the game he liked to play and nothing else. As he got older we gradually increased his access.

I had a conversation when DS had their first smartphone for school age 12, and from what I had gained from news and advice from school, asked them if they use whatsapp and snapchat - which is how he keeps in touch with friends to never say anything mean - send anything that would hurt any other person - and if the same happened to them to let me - or school know so we can help. Smart phones are good for children but the use can have a very sinister side.

I spoke to my son when there was an incident of cyberbullying at school, and a child was deeply traumatised. Felt 10 was too young, but absolutely necessary to raise awareness of the good and bad on the internet. I spoke with the teacher if they were going to cover this in PHSE, and I explained that beware of accepting friend requests, sending hurtful messages even if you are angry and feel this way at this moment intime - anger goes away, hurtful words never do.
I really feel the internet and childrens mental health is a curse - but as they say the genie is out of the bottle and we have to live with this monster.
Dreading when they want instagram and facebook

I bring it up as and when they intend to meet their friends on-line - ask if any new friend has joined ? who they are ? does anyone make you feel uncomfortable ? and they know (hopefully) to be sensible and block anyone they don't want in their group, and know I will be reviewing their internet time if I feel they are on too long, if I catch them swearing or shouting at anyone on-line.
It's a dangerous cyberworld - we need to trust their instincts and not let them on until them have the maturity to deal with this.

From the moment my child started using a device, I felt it was mportant to talk about online safety in an age-appropriate way. Even young children can unwittingly expose themselves to things you don't want them to see – and download damaging software without realising what they are doing.
Right from the start, I let my child be aware about never talking to anyone online who they don't know in real life, and never telling anyone their name or where they live.
Also, I was clear about what they could and could not do online.

We talk about it as and when it comes up but also have little reminder chats every now and then .DD9 has a laptop and can go online we have strict kids filters on and she has to ask before going on to each web page. She's very good about asking each time and is only allowed to use it for 1 hour in the kitchen while we prepare dinner/ sort out life stuff before dinner.

School has started teaching them, which really helps. She doesn’t use the internet much, if at all at home. Any minor use of playing games on our phones etc is supervised. She came home and initiated the conversation by telling us what she’d learned that day

Our primary school has been great and run events on online safety for parents and guardians. It's hard when you might not be very tech savvy yourself. Otherwise I've set controls on devices etc. BUT they will have had access to other kids phones whose parents are not as switched on so it is important to be open and honest and approachable for any time they have questions or concerns.

Real life examples encourage me to bring it up, Little and often.

It's just a reincarnation of the stranger danger talk we had as children for a lot of situations, if children are brought up to recognise risk they would be mature enough to recognise danger - I really am not savvy enough to know what to say about adults who impersonate children on-line, that worries me - and I hope if there is any cyberbullying they would come to me to help.