How do you parent the internet? Share your tips for a chance to win a £200 voucher

[BellaMumsnet]

Created for NetHabit

This sponsored discussion is now closed.

Are you worried about your children’s use of the internet, or how much independence to give them? Do you feel equipped to keep them safe on social media? However you manage your children's time and safety on the internet, share your thoughts below.

How to take part:

· Post your tips on the thread below to be entered into a prize draw
· One lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher for a store of their choice

Here’s what NetHabit has to say:

“We created the NetHabit app to simplify the support and guidance parents need to improve their children’s safety online. Finding a balance between enabling the benefits of the online world and keeping children safe can be tough. From securing device settings, to opening up a dialogue and keeping informed of new threats, we create a tailored list of to-do’s to help make the world of online safety simple for your family.”

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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Hello, this is my first post on here - I’m 5 months PP and I’m really worried about the amount of hair I’m losing! I’m scared to wash it even brush my hair as huge amounts of it is coming out! I sent a pic to a few of my mum friends and even they thought it was a large amount to lose. I have thick hair (usually) and barely lost any when pregnant, but this has me worried. How much hair is too much? How do you tell? Thank you…any help appreciated!

I would set restrictions with my ISP (porn, gambling and violence and everything over 18) Disable the webcams in my laptop. I think the internet is a source of amazing information, and opens up a whole new world of connections. They need to be aware of they fact there can be not very nice people out there putting things on the internet which may cause upset, and to ask mummy if they are unsure of how to search for something (I searched Fathers Day last week and saw male porn photos - I kid you not). (Filters now applied to all family settings not just the younger ones) Trust them to use the internet safely, and turn off the modem at bedtime.

14 year old , no phones in bedroom after 9 . Weekends to always include family time. We have access to phone at all times when requested.
Filters.

Access to phones and devices is imperative. It's not about privacy, it's safety.

I am totally unprepared really in terms of settings, content and security/safety. DS is 9 and is allowed on Pokemon videos on YouTube but that's it apart from building type games.

We have time limits but to cut down on arguments, we use an alarm so then when that goes off, I'm actually the good guy allowing another 5 minutes, whereas before it was just me saying that the time was up. Surprisingly it does work most if the time.

I accessed the parental controls on my privacy settings on the internet for the 2 devices used by my children, with access controls and time limits (off at 8 on a school day and 9 at weekends) Tell them to come to me if they feel they have accessed anything which they feel uncomfortable with. If they have social media - let them know you have access to it to make sure there are no unwanted friend requests and messages - trust their instincts - as school what lessons are being prepared on internet safety and ask questions and add suggestions if you feel all there are any missing items

I have parental controls set up on all devices, Google family link on older DC's device. DC know that I can check their history at any time.
We've had discussions about safety and privacy online and they know people aren't always who they say they are online.

Help! I just found out I will be 16 weeks pregnant next week and can’t stop worrying about the amount of alcohol I have drunk. I only drink wine, not spirits, but a couple of weekends I have had at least a bottle and a half to myself and was quite drunk. Have I done irreversible damage?

Hello

My daughter, 14, has attended all internet safety talks at school, has been informed, we have always spoken about online safety. She always understood the risks. Until she was 12 we used Google Link which worked really well. At 12 and 13 there were no issues and she wasn’t interested in social media whatsoever. Then 14 hit, and my lord, everything changed. The agreement has always been that any social media accounts have to be agreed and discussed, safety first, private accounts etc.

This week is the second time I have discovered a social media account with no privacy settings, Tik Tok (adult men following her). Snapchat is awful, it encourages use by ranking them and their snap engagement, it ‘s addictive, the way snaps are immediate and ‘disappear’ removes the fear for them, and encourages inappropriate snaps. I could go on. Mobile phone use and social media is the cause of all disagreement and upset in our house.

Yesterday I took rather drastic, but necessary action, and contacted my mobile provider for advice, my goodness they were fantastic. They sent me a link to apple (we use iPhones), with pages of safety advice and ways that I can set up her phone to ensure she is unable to access these sites, and she will be unable to change that as permissions will need to be given by me - I didn’t even know that was possible. They also suggested removing her data, bar 1gb, as an interim measure, so that she understands the seriousness of the risks she has taken.

This is drastic, but sadly, even as a well informed, articulate young lady, who knows the risks, and the rules, she chose to ignore them. I have learnt that our children are so desensitised, and that this is a societal issue. My daughter hated me yesterday because I had gone through her phone, but I’m glad that I did, and actually, what I discovered proved that I must continue to monitor her online activity, I have a duty of care to my 14 year old and as much as it is upsetting to hear the fallout, and as much as I know she needs privacy, I am not prepared to put her at risk.

It really is a minefield, and I dread to think the damage that it will create to our young people long term. The constant need for adoration, at any cost, at a time in their lives when they are insecure, cannot be healthy.

My daughter has reached the age where nothing I say is really taken in, and she thinks that I’m just lecturing. We are a very small family, it’s just her and I, and so I have arranged a counsellor who is very experienced with working with teenagers. I can’t reach her, and I don’t want to irrevocably damage our relationship, I’m confident, third party professional intervention will help, in a different, thought provoking way, and of course all of the controls that I’m putting on her device in the short term! 🙈

I have found internetmatters.org really helpful, particularly how you can access age specific internet safety/advice guides. My son is 9 & his internet use is minimal, for now. I'm sure his interest will increase as he gets older. Even at 9, one of his friends has talked about porn - it was a conversation I overheard, so I was able to talk about with my son - my fear was that his knowledge would be passed on information from other kids - so I was keen to start an age-appropriate conversation with him & talk about what he would do if someone tried to show him something (i.e. porn, violent material, etc.) & how he would respond to this. Open, honest, age-appropriate conversations are essential regarding internet use. He has received information on this in school, but it would have great for us to be send info home based on what was discussed so we know how much he knows already. For now, we will continue to monitor internet use, encourage our son to tell us if he sees anything that makes him feel scared or uncomfortable outside of the home environment. Keep talking!

I think we you first give a the opportunity for your children to explore the internet, I have told mine that there are filters to prevent them seeing anything 'scary' I so they can do homework, and stream without any unwanted content. I let my DS (13) have facebook, but have preset the settings to private, so that only her friends can see her posts and photos. The facebook email is mine, so I can see any friend requests - and check who they are. The modem is on 24/7, but settings for their tablets, phones and laptop are restricted to 9pm on a school day. I tell them to ask me if they come across anything they are unsure of.

No to devices in the car. It's a rule they have grown up to accept and for long journeys we resort to old fashioned audio CD's.

I bought a secondhand iPad exclusively for my child's use so I could lock it right down. It has top tier internet safety features and I monitor the apps that are downloaded and used. Everything is password protected so they cannot make changes or access content without my express permission. I limit the screen time and it is usually only used as a reward or necessary distraction

We’ve added Qustodio to an old phone of mine they have access to for playing approved games (set to how old they are - one year is 1 minute). It’s got a passcode on it that they don’t know, so have to ask me or my husband for access. Same with the laptops they can use for school work or tuition. There are parental controls on internet usage. We recently got a smart tv to replace our old one that died, but they don’t go on it alone.

They’re not on social media at 12, 10 and almost 7. Their primary school has done some sessions on the topic of internet safety, which has been useful and they also sent some information home. I expect we’ll have more conversations over time as they get older about the dangers and pitfalls of internet and social media.

The children have profiles set up on Amazon kindle devices so we know they are safe. We also set time limits. Occasionally we go over the history and if there is a video we deem inappropriate we blacklist it. Once they are older we will have conversations with them about safety.

Once they're at secondary school it's so difficult to monitor and all the time at home for Covid really didn't help as that was the only way to connect with their peers. We've had to be really strict on usage at home and physically remove all devices as it was becoming too addictive. It's a bit like having a toddler again, if they go quiet you know they're up to no good!

We have filters but mainly our PC is in the front room where there is always at least one adult. My youngsters don't have phones that can go on the internet, only call, and we make sure the sites they go on are child friendly. My friend died at 17 due to cyber bullying before it was really recognised as a thing, so I am a little over cautious.

At the moment things seem fairly simple at the age our kids are - chats about things like not being friends with people on Roblox unless you know who they are in real life. I'm well aware that there are a whole load of minefields around the corner, particularly with social media/messaging apps. I'm worried that the apps my kids will use will be ones I've never heard of and therefore feel completely unaware of how they work/how I can police them/what I should be talking to them about.

Vodafone to cut off and isolate the internet

I talk a lot about coming and talking if they encounter anything /any message that makes them uncomfortable.

To me, it is important to go into the details of how to stay safe with them, and set filters etc. But it is just as important to create a home where they feel safe to share difficult things that have happened whether that's online or in the real world

Appropriate age Filters on the wifi and phones. 14 year old has screen time. Talking about what is and isn't appropriate.

We limit screen time and don’t allow devices upstairs at all. The children have family link on their phones so I can monitor what they are downloading and looking at. I regularly check what they are looking at and chat to them about internet safety. We set limits/screen time and filters together.

I limit screen time and use the built in parent controls on Kindle Fire to control what they have access to. For my daughter's phone, I have an app called Qustodio, which allows me to monitor her use and restrict access as needed. She is fully aware of it and knows I can see all her messages. We also talk about internet safety and why the rules are in place.

My best advice to other parents on Internet safety is - make sure you know, understand and can use all the many various sites your teenager uses.

We all know how to use Mumsnet, Facebook and Twitter. But what about Tumblr (cos that's the only one I can think of right now but there's plenty more my teen dd uses that I'd never heard of)? And did you know that apparently Tuesday is topless tumblr day where females post pics of themselves topless?

Or all the instant messaging services they use online?

If we can't use these sites then how can validly advise our children and teenagers on how to be safe on them? And how can we check up on them if we need to?

Don't set example that surfing etc is what to do with down time. Encourage other interests; reading, playing outdoors etc
Don't have mobile app in one hand whilst giving your little one your 'undivided' attention
Minimise playing of computer games and rewarding 'winning'/reaching new levels. Although games have a place this is mainly a solitary activity
Talk about sweat you have posted on sites to try and encourage them to let you know what they have been posting
Have PCs in communal areas not in bedrooms etc