Celebrate the launch of My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 by sharing your dos and don’ts for throwing a big family wedding and you could win a £300 Love2Shop voucher. NOW CLOSED!

[ZaneMumsnet]

Weddings should be occasions of joy and happiness; however there are some times when they can be stressful and downright insufferable. From unreasonable demands from brides to issues over inviting (or not inviting) children, not to mention the sticky issue of wedding lists and seating plans, they can be a bit of a nightmare. To mark the return of the long awaited romantic comedy My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, we would like to hear the rules you’d put in place for successful big family weddings.

Written by Academy Award® nominee Nia Vardalos, who stars alongside the entire returning cast of favourites, the film reveals a Portokalos family secret that will bring the beloved characters back together for an even bigger and Greeker wedding. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 hits cinemas on March 25.

Check out the trailer below:

If you were coming up with a list of dos and don'ts for how to throw a big family wedding what would they be? Have you been to some terrible ones you’d like to share a story about? If you were going to have one, how would you make sure it all went without a hitch?

Whatever your ideas and stories are, we'd love to hear them.
Everyone who posts on this thread with their tips will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky Mumsnetter will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw,
MNHQ

Standard Insight Terms and Conditions apply

do what makes you happy and not what other people want

Enjoy every precious moment. I got a bit bridezilla when my huge entourage of aunties and uncles were taking up seats when I would have preferred mates to come along. Illness and bereavement in the family shortly after opened my eyes to how selfish I was being and your family is precious, our photos of the day priceless.

It should be what the bride and groom want. I think the wedding ceremony should just be close friends and family. Then if you want to invite a wider group, have an informal party afterwards. There is so much unnecessary worrying over an event that lasts a few hours which spoils what should be the happiest day of your life.

Do make sure that there is plenty for the children to do at the reception. When we got married we put a pack on every table that had children, it included colouring sheets, coloured pencils, plain paper, and a story book. They seemed to really enjoy it and it meant that they had something to do during the speeches etc. I will never forget seeing two children who had only just met lying on the floor together colouring in.

We had a "big family wedding" which to me meant that children were included! I couldn't and wouldn't have left out any of our many nieces & nephews, not to mention cousins and their kids - to me, kids make a wedding! Obviously some people chose not to bring their kids - so that they could relax and enjoy the day while leaving children with grandparents or other carers - but I would never have stipulated no kids! They're what makes a family, and by association, a family wedding!

Do what you and your partner want. It seems huge at the time but someone sitting in a different seat than the one they would have picked for themselves is hardly going to alter their lives. I remember getting hugely stressed with table plans as well as catering to each individual person's preference on food, so much so that we ended up with a buffet rather than the sit down meal we had intended to have

Remember that it is impossible to spend a lot of time with anyone when it's a big wedding, talk to people in groups.

Try and spend some time with the person you just married.

Bring comfortable shoes for later on.

Be sure there is enough cake and wine as that will be remembered afterwards

Don't invite people you don't like just because you're related!

Try and have a relaxed venue, outdoors or a rich relatives back garden. It will relax the guests and people will have more fun.

keep things small and simple. also plenty of activities to distract people

Do what's important for you and don't let anyone pressure you into stuff you don't want to do.
Let guests know what's happening (e.g. timings, will they be fed and when, free drinks or pay bar etc.) in advance and they should be happy whatever you've decided!

Do what makes you happy and doesn't stress you out. The whole day is such a whirlwind, so it's important to make the most of it.

Make sure you really definitely want to be married to the other person!

DO ask yourself why you want a big family wedding - if it's just so you have a large audience to show off to, maybe reconsider. If you really want all your extended family and friends there, great, but perhaps remember that it's safer to stick to crowd-pleasing food rather than shelling out for something exotic which may get left uneaten. Yes it's your day but if you want guests as happy as you are, DON'T serve them a meal worthy of Mrs Cropley.

do not get up on stage during the evening of the wedding reception and slate all of your family and friends for not coming on your hen do I did this

Cater for all generations.

Do what's going to keep you and your partner happy. If you have someone in your family who causes trouble, just don't invite them.
Don't share all the details prior to the day, someone will be unhappy for sure.
Because I'm sick of putting up with a usually crap vegetarian option, we had an entirely vegetarian wedding with amazing Indian food. Most people were delighted, but my Nan was not, and neither was her fussy eating brother. Hey ho, most people loved it!

I've never been married so can't help there but have been to many… (both OH and I come from BIG families)

Best one that we still recall with smiles was a friend of mine. They married in his home village because they could book a venue 2 minutes walk away.

The venue was a pub with a huge garden. (And lots of parking)

One big marquee, no seating plan, but lots of seats & different size tables. Food was a buffet with lots of veggie options and a hog roast.

There was a smaller marquee (that was fenced off) with lots of kids toys and 2 babysitters (nursery nurses) and 2 portaloos behind it. So those with kids could leave them with confidence.

And best bit,a third quiet tent with comfy seats etc and tea coffee.

The service was short & sweet, lovely walk to the venue, trays of Buck's Fizz, pimms, juice, lemonade etc with proper bite sized nibbles so no trying to hold a glass and a plate and eat.

We didn't even realise that the happy couple had popped off with the photographer until we were all asked to assemble for the big photo.

There was only about 90 minutes between arriving and the food being served, so no one got hangry or too much drink on an empty belly or unhappy little ones.

Wine and cider on the tables (standing joke) but also tea/coffee making tables (some of the brides family are strictly tee total, saying that a lot of us used them and lots of friends have incorporated the same) but also cause it was a pub the drinkers were paying pub not hotel prices.

There wasn't an official day/evening invite divide but as one of the couple was a nurse several friends couldn't come till later. So about an hour after they arrived the buffet was refreshed and a mountain of roast pork baps arrived with big bowls of chips!

It was a great day; notice that all my comments are about food/drink

Think back over all the weddings you've been to. Do you remember the colour of the invitation, all the music that was played, the food you ate, the exact words of the speeches? Probably not. Neither will anyone at your wedding. It's important to you, but no one else is really that bothered so don't stress out about each and every little detail.

Do invite children - it's just not worth the hassle not to, and loads of people won't bring them anyway, but won't be pissed off about it.

On the same theme - don't have one rule for some people's children and one rule for others.

Don't dictate what colour clothes people wear. That's proper bridezilla territory.

Don't get drunk and forget the whole day...

DO- decide with your OH what the most important aspects of the wedding are before you start to look at venues etc (eg. Is it more important to you to have a specific sort of venue or to have a certain number of guests, is there a specific time of year you want or want to avoid etc). This will help you decide what aspects to spend money on and where you could economise.
DO- decide on your budget and stick to it
DO- draw up a list of the guests that you would really miss if they weren't there. Use this as the start point for your guest list and anyone else you can afford to invite/have room to invite is a bonus.
DO- Book the venue and anything else that you absolutely can't manage without/is your top priority early. Then try to chill out- even if everything else falls through it will still be fine.
DO- Appoint a trustworthy and reliable friend (NOT a parent) to field any questions on logistics for the day. Make sure they are fully informed of what should happen on the day and that the venue/caterers know this. Then just direct any questions from guests, venue etc to them so you can enjoy your day without getting dragged in to dramas about where people park/what time the disco starts/where Aunty Ethel has left her coat etc
DO- accept that it's very likely that your mother and MIL to be will want to be involved. Give them each an area of responsibility (maybe something you've identified as not that important to you) and let them run with it. Just remember to act as though this is the most amazing part of the wedding and mention it in the speeches. That way they'll forget they weren't consulted on every single decision and cousin Geoff's daughter that you used to be at nursery with but haven't seen since wasn't invited.

DON'T- Involve everyone in you extended family in every decision, especially the guest list.
DON'T- Read to many bridal magazines/blogs and get drawn in to thinking that you need to colour co-ordinate and theme everything. No-one will notice or care if table decorations don't tie in with the invitations or if you don't have chair covers.
DON'T- Show anyone the seating plan until the day.

DON'T- Worry if not everything goes exactly as planned. As long as Bride and Groom make it and the wedding vows are said the other stuff is just window dressing.

Don't write a poem.
Don't write a poem about money.
Don't write a poem about money and a well.
Do consider the benefits of eloping.
Don't insist people to wear green, or purple, or any colour at all.
Don't get married somewhere expensive and abroad and expect all your guests to be able to attend.
Don't be offended if your niece can't come because your wedding is abroad and she has to go to school.

Don't expect it to be perfect!

try to be less formal.
You will never get everything right, afford everything so don't.
keep a balanced choice between families, do for one, do for the other,
all your choice, nobody else.
do your research ................ then make up your mind
above all HAVE FUN

Do..

Do what you want. Unless that includes a poem asking for money.

I think the best weddings are informal, not too much time given to photos etc. just having a great big party!

I would also say don't listen to people who want to influence your plans. If they want to do things a certain way they can have their own wedding!

Big family wedding? Too stressful. After booking our local church and seeing our guest list quadruple in size..."We have to invite my mother's cousin.(..insert name!)" "Who?!", we cancelled, flew to Mauritius business class and it was much cheaper and easier! You could do this and have a great party later if you want when you return witout the bridezilla/wedding industry pressure.