Celebrate the launch of My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 by sharing your dos and don’ts for throwing a big family wedding and you could win a £300 Love2Shop voucher. NOW CLOSED!

[ZaneMumsnet]

Weddings should be occasions of joy and happiness; however there are some times when they can be stressful and downright insufferable. From unreasonable demands from brides to issues over inviting (or not inviting) children, not to mention the sticky issue of wedding lists and seating plans, they can be a bit of a nightmare. To mark the return of the long awaited romantic comedy My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, we would like to hear the rules you’d put in place for successful big family weddings.

Written by Academy Award® nominee Nia Vardalos, who stars alongside the entire returning cast of favourites, the film reveals a Portokalos family secret that will bring the beloved characters back together for an even bigger and Greeker wedding. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 hits cinemas on March 25.

Check out the trailer below:

If you were coming up with a list of dos and don'ts for how to throw a big family wedding what would they be? Have you been to some terrible ones you’d like to share a story about? If you were going to have one, how would you make sure it all went without a hitch?

Whatever your ideas and stories are, we'd love to hear them.
Everyone who posts on this thread with their tips will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky Mumsnetter will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw,
MNHQ

Standard Insight Terms and Conditions apply

I've been to a few big weddings, but never seen anything go wrong. I would say as it is the bride and grooms day, they should do it as they want, not how anyone else thinks it should be done.

I think the seating plans cause most problems so I would not bother with one and let people find their own way!! (Although this could cause more problems-maybe this one can never be solved!!)

The best thing to do is have a small wedding

Make a budget and stick to it.

If there are lots of complicated relationships between parents, step parents etc keep them separate and not on the top table!

If there are lots of children coming have some sort of childrens' entertainer who can take them off into another room during the speeches and keep them occupied during the 'boring bits'!

Develop thick skin as everyone will have an opinion about everything and you can't possibly please them all. Especially don't let people try to influence your decision over the menu as you will never find a meal which suits everyone and you'll end up with something you may not particularly like. Just provide a veggie option (a pasta choice usually covers fussy children too!)

Aim to sit people together who know each other and actually like each other!! Don't discuss your seating plan with anyone!
We didn't invite anyone to our wedding who we hadn't met before (I know this can happen when inviting friend's partners / plus ones etc.).
We picked a menu we liked & wanted though did stick to 'normal' non fussy meal (chicken for main pleased most people!).
We asked people to request a song they would like to hear on the dancefloor which encouraged people to get up and dance.
Don't be a bridezilla!!

my first wedding was the antithesis of the don't

Wedding was in India
My parents invited only close family (over a thousand people), they had 'family' luxury coached in from remote parts of India. I had no idea who any of them were (apart from my four siblings and my parents) and had no say whatsoever in the guest list.

Wedding dress was the most elaborately embroidered monstrosity ever seen, my mother chose and designed it and had a go at the embroiderer as the round dots were either not dotty enough or too dotty (I have wiped it from my memory), we got a discount because of the tantrum.

wedding hall was decorated in flowers, most disappeared as the wedding day progressed.

My parents hired out the entire hotel the wedding was happening in for the duration but in laws still had gripes.

bridal flowers were delivered evening before but because of the heat they were wilting on the day (maybe they were a sign and I shouldn't have gotten married).

We also random people off the street wandering in and in the end some older family kids started patrolling the door to stop it.

Centre pieces all got nicked in record time

Bottles of drinks on tables also all disappeared before food was served.

I think the worst bit however, was that I had only met the groom a handful of times and I had very little choice in getting married.

It was a circus for my mothers benefit because she wanted a grand party.

I am no longer on speaking terms with any of my 'very close' family.

My dream wedding and current one, religious ceremony was with three close friends and a person pulled out of the congregations after prayers on a Saturday, we went to a local restaurant for lunch after.

The 'wedding' bit; late summer wedding, the legal ceremony at the registry office, wedding dress on sale from monsoon, close family and friends who are happy for us (and whom we know well) invited to celebrate with us with a barbecue in in-laws garden (about thirty people in all not counting children), cheese wedding cake, and krispy kreme cake for sweet tooth people (also as my eldest loves doughnuts), my two dc's and DH's two DSS as bridesmaids because they desperately want to be. And a big bouncy castle at the bottom of the garden which I try out before I pretend to be all grown up and stuff.

My advise is Don't have a big family wedding. My husband and I took ourselves off to Verona , Italy to get married. It was all very smooth, calm, enjoyable with no fuss. Bliss!

Do get your fiancé involved in all the plans.
Do remember it's only one day, don't stress the small details. The marriage is most important.

Don't try and please everyone, it's impossible and they will only stress you out. Concentrate on what you and your partner want.

Sadly the only surefire way to avoid your big family wedding being a nightmare is to not have any nightmare relatives. If you're all basically nice rational people then everything will be fine, and even if something goes a bit wrong people will do whatever's necessary to deal with it. If you have a rogue relative who is determined to introduce destructive drama into every situation then they will bring your wedding down with them even if you don't invite them or simply elope to Vegas.

mentioning any plans to people means they feel obliged to give you their opinion

My best tip after having a huge family wedding is that you need to worry less about the guests and focus on what you want. They are there to celebrate you! After all someones nose is always going to be out of joint no matter how hard you try so better not lose any sleep over it!

Be strict with the guest list. Have you seen them in the last year? Will you see them again in the next year? No? Do you really want to invite them?

Do remember it's only one day and the marriage is the important bit, not the wedding. Relax and just enjoy it. None of it's that important. Don't stress over colour schemes, menus, seating plans etc.

If you really want all your extended family to join in your celebrations then consider that although the wedding might be costing you a lot of money it can also be really expensive for your guests.
Fancy hotels in the middle of nowhere can be an absolute nightmare if you are a guest travelling from afar. You often end up having to book two nights minimum, there's nothing to do in-between the actual wedding ceremony/ meal/ photos taking place, drinks are extortionate...

If you are a particularly close family then ask your photographer to take plenty of photographs of people and not just arty-farty shots of the back of your dress/ shoes/ place-cards. These are the easy shots compared to having to ask a few dozen people to get into position but in years to come you look back and realise that the only time you were all together, as a large family, was either a wedding or a funeral. Get the family pics while you can.

Do not allow your parents or his/her parents to add "people they would like to invite" to your list. Just don't .

Don't expect everybody to be happy on the day .... Weddings can be triggers for difficult emotions, so bear with your loved ones if they get emotional .

Do expect the unexpected . Again the heightened emotions of weddings can lead some people to behave in ways that you really wish that hadn't .... For eg make a wedding proposal of their own.

Don't assume you have to have sex that night.

Put half an hour aside to make sure that you get some quality time together - just the 2 of you.

My top tip would be to provide some activities/entertainment that runs throughout the day, so that those 'inbetween' times on the wedding day don't stretch out for too long. Of course it's a special day for the bride and groom, but the last thing you want is a bored and stressed wedding party who have been waiting 2 hours for the buffet lunch to be served!

Don't let anyone bully you into inviting guests you didn't want to.

Keep it simple.

Go for informal photos.

Do what makes you happy. I would include children as I think it should be a family occasion but I can see why some wouldn't want to. When you are having photos taken it is hard to appreciate how long that can be for guests waiting around so I think some snacks and a couple of drinks are useful for guests.

Get as many things organised through the same company 1 to save money and 2 to save the hassle of communicating with a lot of different people!

Just take a deep breath and accept that there will be people there that you "have" to have to keep the peace but that you probably wouldn't choose to have there. Once you've let go of the irritation that auntie Muriel who you see once a year is taking up a space, or your unruly cousins children will be shouting over the service, you end up a bit zen about it. Weddings are all about getting together family and friends, having a loud, crazy time and joining lives together. It doesn't matter if everything is not like it is in a magazine.

Nobody really cares about all the details. They want to see a blissfully happy bride and groom, a great dress, minimal standing around and lots of good food in a warm, clean place where they can sit down.

Make sure there isn't a big gap, while photos are taken, where drink is consumed in large amounts with no food. There will be problems on the day and it will be remembered for that rather than all the little finishing touches you had put in place

Understand that as soon as you decide to have a big family wedding it's no longer all about you as a couple. You are hosts throwing a party for family & friends. If you can't accept that then elope.
DON'T make too many demand on your guests- they're already probably spending quite alot of money to be with you on the day. Their presence should be enough. Presents are a bonus.
DON'T leave guests hanging about unfed & unentertained with only the welcome champers while you Swan off for hours having you vanity pics taken.

DO Mingle, be with these people you love, share your day that's why you've invited them. Ensure your guests are very well fed and everyone will have a great time & that's what a big family wedding should be all about.

Don't save money by using friends as caterers/ photographers/ decorators/ beauticians unless you are convinced that they are reliable, experienced and their work is good quality. It could come back to bite you.

Have the wedding that you want. If you can't afford to include children then don't, but also expect that some people might not be able to come due to lack of childcare, if other family members are at the wedding.

Take care with the seating plan, for example sit anyone who doesn't get on at opposite sides of the room, but don't give in to every single persons request to sit somewhere else!

Don't stress over stuff. It really doesn't matter if the cake falls apart or the flowers aren't quite the right colour. You are there to share your day with friends and family, so don't stress over silly little details.

Don't let you mum choose the people to invite, let your sisters, sisters in law help with flowers, dress and gifts. They will be very happy to give you an hand.