How do you talk to your daughters about periods? Share your tips with Lil-Lets for a chance to win a £300 gift voucher NOW CLOSED

[AnnMumsnet]

The team at Lil-Lets would love to hear your tips on talking to your daughter(s) about growing up and preparing for their period. Or, how you faired having the same talk with your own mum.

Lil-Lets say "we are often asked by parents how best to approach that all important discussion with their daughters as they become a teen, grow up and start their periods. We know MN is a massive source of support for parents and different stages of the parenting journey and we'd love to hear your tips and experiences with this topic".

Please share your top tips on how to chat to your daughter(s) about growing up and preparing for their period. Lil-Lets also want to hear your tales of the same talk with your own mum.

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Please add your comment or tip below and you'll be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 gift voucher for the store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ
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My DD (now 13) has known about periods from an early age. She always seen my sanpro in the bathroom and I've always been open about what it is.

I started out telling her it was special toilet paper just for ladies, but told her in more detail as she got older. By the time it was covered at school I think she had a pretty good idea of the whole process.

She hasn't yet started her periods (late developer - she takes after me. I started at 15) but she's prepared. We went out and bought the Lil-Lets starter packs. She's got one in her locker at school and one at home. She's actually excited about starting

My mum was always pretty open with me too. She was a HCP so not embarrassed about bodily functions! As I said I was a late starter, so we'd had the towels (thick pads back in the day) stored in the bathroom cupboard for ages. I remember they were the pink and white striped ones, remember those?

My daughter is nearly 7 so I'm not at that stage with her yet but I am very, very aware that I need to do better by her than my Mum did by me! My Mum never once spoke to me about any changes that would be happening to me - I was completely unprepared and would have known nothing had it not been for the very short talk we had about it at school when the 'tampax lady' came in. The thought of this horrifies me still.
I've always been completely open with my kids so far and if she has been in the bathroom and seen anything I have been as truthful as I can with her, in as basic a way as I can so that she understands without feeling worried about what will happen to her. Give it another couple of years and I will definitely be researching what is the best way to explain everything to her and buying any relevant books or giving her access to appropriate websites etc. Knowledge is key in this world and fear of the unknown can definitely be the worst!

I think as a mum you should talk about periods as part of normal life - which of course they are. This creates an environment where my daughter knows I'm happy to talk about it - and she will be too.
it also means it's not scary or something to be afraid of.
that's my top tip!

My Mum didn't tell me anything at all about periods, didn't buy me any san towels, nothing. She did say, when I was about 15 "I expect you'll be coming on soon", but that was the sum total of it. Looking back it seems bizarre! I think she probably expected me to go to her when it happened and that she would then get me some san pro but when it did eventually happen, at nearly 16, I sorted myself out. Mainly because she had never mentioned it, so it seemed a taboo topic.
I have gone quite the other way with my daughters, and told them about periods from when they were tiny toddlers in the bathroom with me. So there is no mystery at all. My eldest has just turned 11 and has some signs of puberty, so we've chatted about what she would do if she started bleeding in school, what happens when you start, and whether or not she wants a little kit in her bag just in case. Youngest has listened to all this too. So hopefully they will be prepared emotionally and practically.

I talk to my son about it too, so he can be understanding and empathetic to women.

I don't have a daughter, but have spoken to my son openly and honestly for years about periods. He's six now. We've talked about what a period is, who has them, why people have them, and the other things they can affect (migraines / stomach ache etc). At nearly three I found him trying to secure a sanitary towel to his Minnie Mouse teddy because "she has period now" - well at least he understood!!! Now he knows I use a mooncup, and will pass it to me from the bedroom if I need it without blinking. He might not be a girl himself, but at some point he may well have a girlfriend, wife or daughter who needs him to understand.

My parents were always very open with me about them, and although my dad hid behind his newspaper uncomfortably the time they gave me the sex talk (including periods) the first time, it was he who had to get me my first towels because mum was at work, and the fact he dealt with it so matter of factly made it a bit easier - I hadn't yet turned 10 so it was a bit overwhelming. I'm more grateful for that attitude now with the gyne issues I have, as I've had to speak to countless doctors about my periods, and it being treated as something very everyday (which it is, but sadly isn't always discussed as such) set me up for that future. My dad and DH know the complete ins and outs of my gyne situation, the lucky buggers

When my daughter (now 13) started complaining of the symptoms that her first period was on it's way we had a chat about it and went to the shops together and chose some sanitary towels together. She chose these (honestly!!) as they looked pretty and girly and she felt less conscious of taking them to school.
My tips for my daughter were to always keep her old underwear for when she is on her period so that she could really enjoy wearing nice underwear again when it ended . Also told her how to fold up the sanitary towel and dispose of it cleanly after use by rolling it up on itself and placing it inside the packet from the new sanitary towel to be used.

My DDs saw me cleaning my mattress when they were about 5. From there we had an ongoing open conversation about my body prepairing a clean safe place for a baby to grow and making new "bedding" if there wasn't a baby. Rather like me making sure their bed sheets were washed each week.

Then a few years later they had make- up bags with a couple of pads and fresh underwear in their school bags. They knew if they started during a school day to throw away their knickers and use the spare ones. If they run low on sanpro they just ask for more but I try to make sure there is enough for them.

Now they know who to use salt and cold water for lightly stained, or brand new, knickers.

My mother told me, when I was 16 and had moved in with a boyfriend, to be careful about sex before my period because that is when I would get pregnant. Thank god I had older sisters.

hI,
I have done the same as most others, and have been really open with my daughter about periods, bodily changes and have bought her a few books too. I gave her the option of reading them together or reading them on her own with a view to asking me anything she wanted. She preferred to read them on her own, but recently has begun to ask e questions so think this is a good place to be as it seems in her control. I have made her a little bag up too, one for school and one for home, so far so good. I often talk to her as well and explain when I have a backache, cramp etc that I have my period so it helps to "normalise" it as much as possible.
K xx

My DDs are only 4 and 6 but I have already started answering questions about this in an age appropriate manner. Surely it's a drip drip approach to giving info and tailoring it so that it is age appropriate. At the moment they know that Mummy bleeds sometimes and needs sanitary products (not that they call them that of course!) My Mum was matter of fact with me and I don't recall a big conversation. I am hoping to follow that approach. I want it to be a normal part of everyday life.

I don't remember ever having a specific conversation with my DM about periods but I was the youngest girl in the dorm at boarding school so none of it came as a surprise.

DD I just mentioned things in passing. Fortunately she wasn't particularly early, so I got her a copy of the Usborne book when she was about 8, and gradually introduced the concept. They got a starter kit at school and when I thought that she was likely to be starting soon I got the pretty Lilets kit and made sure that her school bag, handbag and suitcase for any overnight stays was always stocked up.

I think that's the only real top tip - always make sure she has enough supplies and that all the bathrooms in the case have enough supplies. Try to balance a breezy matter of fact attitude with appreciation of the fact that for a teenage or pre-teen girl this is the most embarrassing thing EVAAAH in the entire history of the world EVVVVAAAAAHHHH! (Just like everything else which is also the most embarrassing thing ever) And that having to dash out and get new supplies from another room/bag when e.g. there's a visitor in the house is genuinely excruciating.

That said, whilst DD is sometimes overcome with blushes, she is actually pretty open with me about the process, although this may just be a ploy to get me to bring her hot chocolate in bed

the key is to be open and honest- tell them early on so from around age 8 as the starting age nowadays is far younger than in our day

Ill do as my mother didn't! Which was... Send me to school with Dr White panty liners didnt quite do the job

My mother didn't say a lot to me, but anything she did say I found horribly embarassing. She gave me a booklet about growing up and personal hygiene when I was 9 and later gave me a more detailed book about growing up and sex when I was 12. I didn't start until I was 14 and one of my sisters was 15 (my mum never told me when she started, but I lived with my grandma (just grandma and me) for a long time and strangely it was much easier to talk to my grandma about periods. She told me she started at 15 and stopped at 52 - conversations with her were much more natural and not remotely embarassing. Fast forward to my children and I didn't find it easy because my eldest daughter was very resistant to any idea of chatting to her about it so I gave her a couple of books to read in her own time and the primary school covered it in detail. She is very skinny so I thought she might start later on like my sisters and I, but no she started when she was not long past 12. She didn't tell me I just found a pair of discarded knickers hidden in the bathroom which I quietly soaked in some Oxi and washed while she was at school! I put a whole supply of tampons and pads in her drawer which I quietly replace every month. I told her that I put some things in her drawer, but she doesn't want to discuss it. I know this seems like the cowards way of dealing with it and makes it hush-hush and secretive, but unfortunately when my daughter started high school and went headlong into puberty, she also became extremely hormonal, very angry about everything and difficult and I'm the last person she wants to talk to :-( I just hope I can get it right with my next daughter who I have a much better relationship with.

I had a chat with dd as I had a feeling menstruation would start any day. so I put sanitary towels in her room, by the second period she asked me to get her lil-lets and she was able to use them straight away and wasn't phased at all. She was just 13 :)

I won't be doing what my mum did. We had the talk the night before my 10th birthday (remember it clearly) and it went along the lines of "you are growing up now and you know what that means don't you?" When my periods started at 11 I was scared witless. She rarely bought me any protection either unless I asked for it and I always felt a bit embarrassed so muddled through the best I could.
My ds has had the talk at school and i have talked about it at home. My dd who's too young at the moment is always with me in the toilet and it's an open discussion. I will never assume someone else has told her and talk to her about it well before she needs to know

The conversation with my mum was cringe-worthy to say the least. I was 11 and about to start secondary school. I already knew about periods from reading older step-sisters magazines and I remember staring directly at the tv throughout my mum's explanation as we were both really embarrassed. She didn't provide me with any pads in advance so the day I started I had another awkward conversation asking her for some. Although she gave me a whole pack she didn't mention how many I would need during the day so I only took one spare to school then had an uncomfortable day with loads of loo roll in my knickers as I was too embarrassed to ask anyone else for some.
My DD is still a toddler but I hope I can be more open and less embarrassed about it all for her.

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Appropriate timing as eldest daughter started her first period a few days ago...
Like others, my experience as a teenager was pretty dreadful: embarrassed mum who told me very little and so I felt ill-prepared and awkward. A shame as it is such a natural part of life for half the population, and a sign that your body is maturing and working well.

Basically, my approach has never been to have the 'big conversation' but to provide age-appropriate information as and when they asked. So my children (all daughters) will have noticed, from a very young age, a box of tampons in the bathroom (so knew at a rudimentary level from pre-school age that women bleed each month but its normal and OK). I answered any Qs they had or have. I bought a pre-teen book for my eldest (when she was about 10) about changes to her body so she could read in more detail privately when she wished to, and she occasionally told me things from the book that she'd read about, perhaps partly to check them and partly to inform me (or let me know she knew).

My two eldest daughters have had SRE lessons at school which included specific lesson on periods. For my eldest I bought some teen sanitary pads (the summer before she started senior school) for her to keep in her drawer so she knew she was prepared for whenever it might happen. She also told me that she kept some in her school bag in case it happened for the first time in school (thankfully it didn't; it was a Sunday morning).
All seems fine, and my eldest daughter seemed a little shocked that her period finally arrived, but has taken it all very calmly and seems to be managing well (early days yet but she was at least very prepared). I suspect many of her friends have already started their periods, so she will not feel unusual (and perhaps is even pleased to have 'caught up'?) though she didn't want her younger sisters knowing yet.

I gave her practical advice (how to dispose of her pads etc) and occasionally ask her Qs - does she feel OK etc - but have tried not to make too much fuss as suspect that would embarrass her. So far, so good. Hoping it stays that way!

Oops, pressed post accidentally.

I have boys so won't get the chance to have this discussion with a daughter (as of yet), but I don't feel my parents prepped me well enough for it.

I remember feeling quite alone when I started, despite my mum being very approachable. I didn't feel prepared so if I have another daughter I'd be looking to give her lots of information, prepare her with a period basket type thing (so she can see what she needs before she needs it) and just have plenty of open conversations about what is a normal female bodily function.

I'm quite open with my eldest DS about it. He's only 4 so asks lots of questions and someday he'll likely need the info for his partner/wife/daughters :)

my daughter, nearly 13, has not yet begun her periods, but I suspect it will happen pretty soon. I've tried to be positive about the whole thing. I'm pretty sure dd had some idea about periods from the age of about 2 cos she was one of those clingy babies who wouldn't even let me go to the toilet alone!
Anyway she now refuses point blank to discuss it at all, or even carry pads to school just in case. The only thing she's taken on board seems to be my tip that if she gets caught out at school, and her skirt is stained, she shoul tie her jumper on round her waist and go and ask the school nurse to help her out (that's what we did at my school, anyway!:).

I am thinking about talking to my 10 year old daughter now and have bought a book to help me explain and sent away for some free samples and booklets to help both me and my daughter.

Not my domain its for mum to talk about but I would tried to help her understand if she asked me any questions

I never knew about periods so when I started mine I thought I was dying! I have talked about periods with my daughters in a matter of fact, nothing to be scared of way and they know when I am on my period and what I use the sanitary towels for.