How do you talk to your daughters about periods? Share your tips with Lil-Lets for a chance to win a £300 gift voucher NOW CLOSED

[AnnMumsnet]

The team at Lil-Lets would love to hear your tips on talking to your daughter(s) about growing up and preparing for their period. Or, how you faired having the same talk with your own mum.

Lil-Lets say "we are often asked by parents how best to approach that all important discussion with their daughters as they become a teen, grow up and start their periods. We know MN is a massive source of support for parents and different stages of the parenting journey and we'd love to hear your tips and experiences with this topic".

Please share your top tips on how to chat to your daughter(s) about growing up and preparing for their period. Lil-Lets also want to hear your tales of the same talk with your own mum.

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Please add your comment or tip below and you'll be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 gift voucher for the store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck
MNHQ
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I had no information whatsoever from my DM, so was determined to do better with my dd. We've read the 'What's happening to me' book, I've had informal (not sit-down-and-lecture) chats and I bought her the lil-lets starter set in the pretty case to put in her school bag, which she seemed pleased with.
Despite all my best efforts, now she has started she refuses to talk to me about it, and seems in denial... as if she ignores her periods they will just go away! I don't know what to do, tbh

My mum wasn't the best at discussing personal things, so I got a book out of the library! Planning to be rather more open with DD (who has no trouble talking, so should be ok!)

My DD has only just turned 10 but we noticed signs of puberty about 6 months ago. I bought the lilets teen pack which had a small info book and a small bag with pads and we sat and had the talk. She know basics and is aware of the changes her body is going through. She won't have sex ed at school till year 6 (in year 5) but I have talked to her teachers who have also had a chat with her and made arrangements for toilet use and changing for PE etc.

I started leaving empty tampon boxes/packaging in DDs bedroom bin when she was about 8 and she noticed and asked me about them. I don't generally hide things in the bathroom though and never have. Then at around 9 bought her one of the 'What's happening to me books' which we read together but also left it with her to dip in and out of. At the same time we bought a 'teen kit' and explored its contents. She was quite excited about all this which worried me a bit (hope she doesn't think it's going to be fun!) but I think she just enjoys the grown up chat one on one with Mum.
Although I started when I was 13, my sister and my Aunty were only 10 which was rarer a few years ago and I do feel my DD will follow suit. She was stinky in the armpits from aged 7, has a nice little developing figure and definitely has monthly mood swings - not sure about body hair as she is very blonde. She will be 11 in just less than 3 months and we have recently purchased a second Lilets Teen kit that lives in her school bag. She's not embarrassed about any of it (yet) and recently told me one of her friends had started. A chat with school revealed that they've a fair few in the year below already started too.
Having read the whole thread there's a couple of lovely ideas on here about 1st period presents. Think I'm going for the necklace idea to help make the process a positive one.

I just read judy bloom and such like, my mother didn't really get the chance to talk to me about it/ prepare me as it happened earlier than expected (11yo, I think she presumed 13) - so I will probably wait till my DDs are 9yo (dd1 is 6 atm) and then just explain what will happen and what she can use to keep herself clean etc when it's happening, and will probably give her a few different brands/sizes of towel for her to try when it happens.

My daughter is only 4 so...I'm just going to take notes from you all here and prepare lol

I don't think it should be a discussion that takes place like some rite of passage, it's just part of life. They come shopping with me, I buy sanitary towels, whatever, they ask questions, I answer. DD has been aware of periods (in similar terms to what Odfod describes) since about 4 I guess? DS too, for that matter...

I've never been particularly bashful about periods in front of the DC and there's always boxes of tampons and liners on the side in the toilet when I'm on, so they're all pretty used to it.

DD started developing quite early so we did the whole book thing about puberty and what to expect etc when she was about 9 or so, and I bought her a little teen kit (from lil-lets actually) when she was 10. We talked about what was in there, and how it was used and she knew where it was kept.

She actually had her first period two weeks after her 11th birthday. She was okay - a bit overwhelmed, so we took a 'mental health day' (with the blessing of her primary school happily) and went out for coffee/hot chocolate and a nice black knicker buying spree...

It was quite nice strangely enough. I spoke to the school to ask how they dealt with yr6 girls needing sanitary disposal bins and it triggered a class talk which ended up with the 3 or 4 girls who had already started, bonding and then being being there to offer advice/hugs to their friends who were anxious about it all. Far more sharing and caring and mature than I ever expected a Yr 6 group of girls to be.

Anyway, that's a bit long - short version; talk, be open, talk a bit more, be honest.

My dd, who is now 12 but started her periods while still at primary school, said that what she appreciated was me saying that we were girls together, buying her teenage selection packs of pads to try which were discrete and wrapped and us discussing personal things she couldn't read in books.
I also bought her a selection of books about changing bodies etc to read at her leisure.
Now she has regular periods, in our bathroom I stock a wide range of pads and pantry liners because I never want her to go through what I had to when a teenager years ago ( having to go into an old fashioned chemist shop and ask a grey haired man in a white coat for pads, they would invariably asked if I wanted the ones with loops or without, the embarrassment !! ) as my mum had left us to be brought up by our dad.

I am sad to admit that I had an awful experience of periods myself. My mum never ever mentioned it to me, and it was always seen as something to never openly discuss, something somewhat shameful and dirty. When I found blood in my trousers, I ignored it, and denied that it was mine then cried and cried out of embarrassment.
I have two Dds who are very little at the moment but God when the time is right I am going to make them feel like it's the most normal and natural thing in the world that it is. their experience will be so SO different to mine, I have promised myself this a long long time ago.

All my DC, boys and girls, have known about periods since I took them into the bathroom when I was changing my tampon and explained what I was doing and what my body was doing.

My mum was very open about periods, partly because she was a Family Planning clinic nurse and used to sensitive conversations, but also because of how her own mum had been with her. Her mum never actually told her about periods - that was left to an older cousin - but once she started having periods, she was told her hair would turn curly is she washed it during her period (amongst other things).

It wasnt until many years later, when I became a teacher, that I realised how unusual my mum's openness was. Even now, we often get girls in Y7 totally unprepared for their periods starting (often because parents have opted out of sex-ed lessons).

I've worked in schools where the girls are taken to an assembly where someone from a sanitary protection company does a talk and gives out free samples. The girls often find this useful - and less embarrassing than hearing it their own teacher - but I do wish the schools would remember to tell the girls to take their bags into assembly. When you are 11, there is nothing worse than having to walk back into a class of boys holding a box of free tampons.

I always have a spare 'emergency' box at the back of the classroom which my Y11 tutor group (male and female) knows about and appreciates. By that age, the boys seem to be a lot more accepting and supportive.

My own experience was that it was something you really talked about - a bit mysterious and secretive. An older girl at school told me about periods - I went home and asked my mum about it, and she then filled me in with the rest of the details, but was very annoyed that the girl at school had let the cat out of the bag too early. I was 10, I think. When I started I was embarrassed telling my mum, but she helped me sort out what to do, with no fuss.

With my own DD I have just told her about periods whenever it has come up - from when she was tiny (3) and first asked "What are those for?" (tampons).

Obviously I kept it all age appropriate, but was conscious just to make it normal. As she got older (5,6,7) we discussed how babies are made, and so I linked it again to periods by describing how women have eggs etc. She has absolutely took it all in her stride - never thought it was strange or frightening for a second. She's now 9, and totally ready for periods when she gets them.

I have pretty dreadful endometriosis so it's been very steady, age appropriate, normalising and matter of fact chat since DD was three or so.

She's 7 turning 8 now. She knows women have "egg-makers", a place inside for a baby to grow. She knows hers are still sleeping but as she gets bigger they'll wake up. She knows what is "normal" and when a woman should see a doctor. Mostly she thinks Mummy's egg-makers are very naughty! :-)

Dd has just turned 10 and started today! She was pretty blasé about it and seems to have taken it all in her stride. She's a bit anxious about it impacting on her dancing ( skimpy leotards and costumes on a regular basis!) but knows tampons are an option too.

This has reminded me that it is not only important to tell girls about their periods, but to educate sons too, bit by bit as others have said, so that it is much more matter of fact and less urgh.

DD (7) saw me putting a thin daily liner in my pants a few months ago and asked what it was. I told her it was because it can get wet down there. She now calls it my nappy and thinks it's hilarious. I think it will be a fairly natural next step to show her pads and give her more info, but not for a couple of years...

DD is 14 now and has had her periods for the last 2 years. I remember her first because we all went out to dinner to celebrate. This had been promised for ages, so she told me straight away because she was able to choose where we went.

This was a culmination of her having towels / tampons in her drawer at home, and carrying towels, wipes, spare pants and trousers in her bag for school for a while as this made her feel 'safer'. I bought her some books when she was about 9, but she didn't want to talk about it until she was about 11. Then I bought a box of teen towels and tampons and we took them apart, put water on them to see how they worked and what they were made of. So by the time her periods started, they were not new to her and she felt more confident.

My older daughter asked about this when she was 8ish. I explained that a woman's body makes a sort of internal baby blanket once a month, and then breaks it down and releases it if it isn't needed. She liked this explanation so much she promptly repeated it full volume on the top deck of a bus full of people to all her friends.

i feel that some things have to be figured out by themselves. whilst the theory can be explained practicality is worlds apart from it. i feel that analogies best explain the theory how ever i feel that my daughters periods are something that she must experience first hand. whilst i am here for support and questions we sometimes learn best by being thrown into the deep end and learning in an almost forced way. whilst this pinpoints the ideologies of periods for us ladies, not by choice, it also underpins the metaphysical nature of life and we deal best with things through experience. for that reason i will sit my DD down and talk her through what is happening and happily answer all her questions and calm her nerves but i cant have it for her and i will also explain that to her.

The period talk at school was the first I'd heard about it so I am much more open with my daughter who is 7. She knows I bleed every now and again and use tampons. I tend to answer her questions factually without giving her too much information. Then if she wants to know more she can ask.

My Dd had a sort of 1 day 'period' at age 7yo two months running. I was gutted for her in terms of she was so young, but thankfully, it wasn't copious amounts of blood and we had the chat on the first evening I discovered it; she didn't know what it was really and after checking it wasn't anything else, I knew we had to have the talk. I'd also had signs of starting mine at age 6 and was put on medication to stop them (1970) (which appeared to be successful as I was nearly 13 when they started properly), so I'd had the chat from Mum at 8yo myself. My own Dd took it in her stride, asked questions and we talked about it over several weeks really. She also saw a specialist doctor to make sure everything was ok with her. Luckily, we only had two months/cycles of headaches and tummy aches plus a small bleed, but she is better aware of what to look for and how she might feel etc. She's 9 now, been using deodorant for 3 years and has small breasts and she's a moody mare!! :)

My daughter asks today what the sanitary protection is in the toilets. Shes 4 -interesting! I explained about ladies bleeding instead of having a baby. She seemed satisfied!

My mum decided to tell me out of the blue and then showed me which cupboard all the sanitary products were kept. She said that I would learn more from school and my friends - which I did. It was much less of a shock for my younger sisters as from then on periods were constantly mentioned.

My daughter is 5. We have been discussing it in a very matter of fact way. She knows what my mooncup is for, and she knows what sanitary towels are too. I've explained that every month my body gets ready for a baby, and makes a spongy soft lining in my womb. If no baby comes, then the body doesn't need the womb lining, so it gets rid of it. She also knows that she will have periods when her body starts changing from being a little girl to being a woman, i.e. when she gets boobs and hair when she's around 11/12 years old. I've tried to be very matter-of-fact about these things.

My own mum did her best but was too embarassed to cover it properly. She just left some leaflets where she knew I would find them.

Given that all of us mothers are going to have to have some far worse conversations with our teens about internet porn and sexual pressures, I figure it's best to get the nitty-gritty about bodily changes out of the way now when they're less embarassing to talk about, and lay in the groundwork for open and honest conversations about sexual health and sexual relationships in early teens.