Tell EE how you teach your children to share – you could win an (unlocked) HTC One handset worth £490! NOW CLOSED

[KatieBMumsnet]

The folks at EE would like to know how Mumsnetters teach their DCs to share.

Here's what EE have to say "We're the UK's biggest mobile network and we've just created Shared #4GEE Plans. They're a new way for your household to save money while getting the fastest mobile internet experience on your phones, tablets and laptops.

A Shared 4GEE Plan allows your whole family to enjoy the fastest speeds on EE's 4G network. It works by letting you share your data allowance across a number of devices, with everyone enjoying unlimited minutes and unlimited texts too. Even better, it's less money than having everyone on separate mobile contracts.

Shared 4G Plans are unique to EE and we wanted to celebrate their launch by asking you how sharing fits into your busy life."

So,
~ What are your top tips for getting your children to share with their siblings and/or friends? Do you reward your children when they share to encourage good behaviour? Perhaps you buy one item for all of your children to share instead of buying one for each of them? What different strategies did you use to teach your DCs to share? Has this changed as they've got older?
~ How much of a struggle was it to get your children to share with their siblings, friends or even you? Or maybe this has never been an issue for you and your family?

Whatever your experiences please do share on this thread (no pun intended ).

Everyone who adds their thoughts and comments to this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win an (unlocked) HTC One handset (worth up to £490!). For full T&Cs please click here.

Please note your comments may be used (anonymously of course) on EE's pages on MN, social media channels and possibly elsewhere.

Thanks and good luck,

MNHQ

The best tip anyone ever gave me on this was not to tell DCs to "share" as it has no meaning for them and can't act on it, but to tell them to "take turns". Same principle but a much easier concept for them to understand!
Sometimes I have to act as a referee for a little while but in general they do get it and DC1 (4) is very good at independently handing a toy over when he thinks it's DC2's "turn".

Nice tip, prakattack - I'll try that!

I very very rarely get involved. They seem to work it out better without me. Good example - dd gets the front car seat all the time, ds1 gets best seat for watching tv, ds2 can decide which he wants when he's old enough (he's now 6 and has never questioned when old enough is).

Taking turns is one way of sharing. For under 5's it involves a lot of refereeing. I am not much good at timing for 2 minutes, and tend to go off and do something, so the waiting child gets swindled. My effort has been to get them to play together instead. Which they mostly do.

I have also bought them things separately. For example the younger one needed some more trousers, and I picked up,a bargain pair at lunchtime. I showed them to a colleague in the office. She was so shocked I had not bought 2 pairs... But the older one didn't NEED any trousers. It is important to show children that you will get things for them when they need them, and that fairness works out in the long run, and does not consist of you buying 2 things at the same time just because there are 2 of them.

A sense of fairness is so important for children and I believe it helps them to share and to be generous to one another.

My two share very well without my intervention. They are 9 and 11 yo though! I cannot remember ever having to step-in and make sure that they both take turns.

The current sharing is the front seat in the car, one day for DD .... the next DSs turn. He also allows her to play his prized possession - PS3 so not such a bad brother

DS has always enjoyed sharing - particularly food - because it normally means that you get a wider variety that way. But he also likes sharing things that he has cooked with friends at school (and teachers) now he is older. Games at school are also good for sharing - whether its a ball or a collection that can be played with at break times.

With my DCs, I tried to teach sharing via praise. So, when they were toddlers and had a friend over & all the toys were out, I'd make a point of saying "Well done for playing so well and sharing all of your toys. See how much fun you have when you share."

If there was a battle, I'd usually suggest that one had a play and then the other, so that there was some sense of fairness. If the battle, would not subside, then I'd give a warning and if that failed the contentious item would be removed.

I also tried to remember that for children, sharing toys is like adults being asked to share their car or jewellery. We tend to think that toys are just bits of plastic rubbish for kids - but to kids they are treasured possessions!

I haven't really experienced sharing issues with my own two children although that's maybe because I've got one of each and the boy will eat anything you put in front of him and the daugher is a bit more fussy. They only compete now for the remote control. However, we've always expected them to defer to guests and offer them choices, food, games etc first. I remember once a child coming with a group for tea. I'd done a huge mound of mash, topped with grilled sausages and with a gravy lava all on a big platter. It looked lovely but one child couldn't stop herself from shouting 'how many of the sausages are mine? I said she could have as many as she could eat and that there were plenty, if she chose she could have them all and then explain that to the rest of the table. She took a sensible amount after that. It seems to be that when children haven't had opportunities to choose for themselves or to have something different they can become quite acquisitive. I suppose exposing them to more of the same makes it all a little less necessary to lunge in and grab.

I have always explained to my LO why we share, then reinforced it by actions ie playing games, sharing sweets and showing what happens if you don't share. She does have moments where she might not share, but she seems to understand the consequences. She does pretty well. I always praise when she shares.

I have been known to use a cheap timer from IKEA to allocate toys/ipad at 15minutes each for a turn!

We went through a traumatic stage of DS2 snatching and destroying all of DS1s carefully built Lego constructions, so we now have a rule of 'All toys (apart from the easily trashed and swallowed ones' are to be shared.

Seems to work well, and goes both ways. They are 6 and 3.

I learned to share whereby if it was a treat, the one who cut it let the other one choose. I cut it and couldn't decided which was bigger so took a bite out of both and then offered my sister the choice! I wasn't greedy, honest!

My minded children are very good about sharing because I remind them that. actually, they are all MY toys and I share them them with them!

I've always found the best results have come from not making the rules about sharing myself, but leaving it to them to agree between themselves. Alongside putting moral pressure on the one who has the item to be shared. They know it's theirs and it's ultimately their decision over whether to share, but I make it clear I think they ought to share it with their sibling. Cause it's not really sharing if it's forced on you - it just makes them cross about not really owning things that are theirs.

I think the best way of getting them to share is leading by example - which is easier said than done! And lots of praise when they do share works well. My son is just learning to share - sometimes he's happy to, and sometimes he definitely isn't. When he's older I'll put a lot of emphasis on sharing because it's really important to building relationships with other people, making friends and being a decent human being.

As DS is an only child I've always made sure that he spends plenty of time with other children, especially playing with his toys, etc, to give him the opportunity to 'practise' sharing with his own things.

Over the past couple of years he has suffered with OCD issues, particularly around germs from other people and sharing has been really tough for him. He worries a lot that sharing things, people touch his 'special' toys etc, will mean he can't use them anymore so therefore doesn't want to share. We have worked through this by making sure that he has options, "if you want to play with x toy when friend is here you need to share it or not play with it", etc. when faced with an option he regains some of the control, the decision, therefore being able to make the decision to share.

It's still something I as an adult am learning to do too! I really don't like to share my chocolate!!!

Model behaviour, as above. Lots and lots of praise for good behaviour. If we saw (they are teenagers now) people sharing we would mention it. However, we also allowed them to have one "special" thing which was theirs (a comfort blanket and a teddy) and they had to allow the other to pet / stroke them but not to take them away.

My 2 are only little (3&1), but they are very good at sharing so far We don't allow snatching, but encourage asking nicely and it being ok if they other one says no. But I'm definitely going to use the timer idea used by other posters if we do start to have trouble!

my two DBs both share really well, when things go pair shaped (scuse the pun) they both suffer the sanctions until they have sorted the differences, I do not interfere except to mop up the blood tears etc. I have to say this is a stage I have arrived at, it took me a few years to learn what worked. My two DDs are still learning to share and much prefer to keep things separate.

My partner and I over-act sharing our food etc to show DDhow its done.
My mantra to her is ...you are good at sharing (hoping it sinks in!)
I pretend to be sad when she doesn't share so she understands the effects.
I usually take out 2 of everything to the park eg 2 spades 2 buckets so she can share with others

~ What are your top tips for getting your children to share with their siblings and/or friends? Do you reward your children when they share to encourage good behaviour? Perhaps you buy one item for all of your children to share instead of buying one for each of them? What different strategies did you use to teach your DCs to share? Has this changed as they've got older?

Well, I tend to buy two items, one each, but then encourage them to share. For example, today they each chose some sweets at the shop. They each had half and then came back for the rest but DS shared his with DD, who then shared hers with him (with a little maternal encouragement!). I think that sharing is something that cannot be forced on them, you just have to demonstrate that it's nice and can be beneficial to both parties. I HATE people making children "share" toys, eg at toddler groups, by making one give it up for another. I think teaching them to "take turns" is completely different and in many ways easier for them to grasp when they're tiny.

For any big items (I'm looking at the Wii here) the rule is that if both want to play it they need to mutually agree on a game so they can both enjoy it. No agreement reached = no game.

~ How much of a struggle was it to get your children to share with their siblings, friends or even you? Or maybe this has never been an issue for you and your family?

It's never been a huge struggle, largely because of DS's temperament. He is placid and easy to negotiate with, and so is usually OK with sharing. His little sister is less relaxed about it but she has learned from him so isn't as much of a grabby horror as she might have been if she'd come along first.

If DS has spa friend coming round I try to speak to him before hand and explain that his friends will only be there for a short time so it doesn't matter if they hog the toy!

I also encourage wildly when he does share nicely.

Then when it does go horribly wrong, like it does! Then I just referee and say if they can't share then I keep it. It works.

Maybe it's because he's an only child and doesn't have to worry about another sibling "taking" his toys etc. but my DS just loves to offer his toys to other children when they come to play and his face lights up with pleasure when they accept. He also has been to nursery from a young age so the foundations for good behaviour around other children have been there from early days.

Sorry, reading that back it's not much of a tip. Think I was picking up on others saying allowing your child to have some things or a space that is theirs alone seems to help in promoting sharing the rest of the time.

There is two years between our eldest boys and they have always got along well and shared everything as that's what they have been used to with having a sibling so sharing really has never been an issue in our house. Our youngest is 15 months, with a nine year age gap so maybe with him it will need a little more encouragement.