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Tell EE how you teach your children to share – you could win an (unlocked) HTC One handset worth £490! NOW CLOSED

136 replies

KatieBMumsnet · 16/09/2013 13:50

The folks at EE would like to know how Mumsnetters teach their DCs to share.

Here's what EE have to say "We're the UK's biggest mobile network and we've just created Shared #4GEE Plans. They're a new way for your household to save money while getting the fastest mobile internet experience on your phones, tablets and laptops.

A Shared 4GEE Plan allows your whole family to enjoy the fastest speeds on EE's 4G network. It works by letting you share your data allowance across a number of devices, with everyone enjoying unlimited minutes and unlimited texts too. Even better, it's less money than having everyone on separate mobile contracts.

Shared 4G Plans are unique to EE and we wanted to celebrate their launch by asking you how sharing fits into your busy life."

So,
~ What are your top tips for getting your children to share with their siblings and/or friends? Do you reward your children when they share to encourage good behaviour? Perhaps you buy one item for all of your children to share instead of buying one for each of them? What different strategies did you use to teach your DCs to share? Has this changed as they've got older?
~ How much of a struggle was it to get your children to share with their siblings, friends or even you? Or maybe this has never been an issue for you and your family?

Whatever your experiences please do share on this thread (no pun intended Wink).

Everyone who adds their thoughts and comments to this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win an (unlocked) HTC One handset (worth up to £490!). For full T&Cs please click here.

Please note your comments may be used (anonymously of course) on EE's pages on MN, social media channels and possibly elsewhere.

Thanks and good luck,

MNHQ

OP posts:
CherryGranola87 · 20/09/2013 16:18

My son is 2 years old and I've never and will never "teach him" to share.

Do you reward your children when they share to encourage good behaviour?
Nope. I don't want my child thinking they have to do something to get a reward, I want them to want to do something of their own accord.

Perhaps you buy one item for all of your children to share instead of buying one for each of them?
We only have one child so far. If we have the money we would buy them both something but if not then we would explain that we don't have money left in the budget and we would work something out together.

What different strategies did you use to teach your DCs to share? Has this changed as they've got older?
I am never going to force any of my children to share. What does that achieve? What does that teach them? That their voice doesn't matter? That their feelings don't matter? That another child can't patiently wait their turn?
It's like when parents tell their child they have to share and if they don't they snatch the toy off them and give it to the other child. What does that teach those children? It teaches them that it's okay to not respect another person's feelings and it teaches them that it's okay to snatch something when you want something.
Those are not things I want my children to learn.
So how come my 2 year old shares without me teaching him to?
Because he sees us share. He sees me share with my husband, he sees me share my food with him... so on and so forth.
Sometimes my son will want something which I am currently using, I just explain to him that I am using it at the moment but in a few minutes I will be finished and he can use it, is there something he would like to do whilst he waits?
My son eagerly shares his toys when friends come round, but when he's a little older and can understand my words more I will ask him before friends come over if there is anything of his that he doesn't want to share with today, a special teddy or a new book he hasn't finished reading... whatever it may be we will put them away so he can make that conscious choice.
If my son doesn't want to share then that's fine also. But I like my son to see their friend wanting to play with their toy and maybe being sad if they can't yet, and to feel that maybe it would be okay to share with them... of his own accord... not for us to force it out of him.
If it came to food and party food at his then we would explain to him what would happen before people came round (this is only if he wanted a party, we wouldn't do one if he didn't want to) that people each have a plate and put their food on their plate etc.
We would just always be around to re-a-firm that and helping him understand. There has never been a problem before though.

How much of a struggle was it to get your children to share with their siblings, friends or even you? Or maybe this has never been an issue for you and your family?
Like I said it's never been an issue and never will be an issue.
I don't understand this obsession with forcing our children to share.... it's just insane.

katiewalters · 20/09/2013 16:23

I teach my son to share buy saying its nice to share and take turns. I took him to playgroups to be around other children his age where he had to share and wait his turn. He has friends round often, and they play with his toys and share things. Just instilling it from a young age, so my sons always been a good sharer. He even shares his toys every christmas with children who aren't fortunate enough to have toys. We sort some of his toys to give away to my moms church, who take them to children at Christmas, who wouldnt otherwise get anything

Blatherskite · 20/09/2013 16:33

I found that exaggerated praise for sharing and totally taking away something that they can't share has worked well. Both of the children now understand that it's better to share than not having something at all and that games are more fun if they play together.

It doesn't always work of course but I've had comments about how well they share and how nicely they play together so something must be going right :)

rlouisa · 20/09/2013 16:36

my dd1 loves her younger sister and has always shared with her, and i think she picked this up from yself and her dad and she sees us share things like the car, he drives it on weekends and i on weekdays, he watches his telly on some days and i on others, sharing has become a family thing that thankfully we passed down to our kids

CozyOtter · 20/09/2013 17:08

I really praise my DS whenever he shares something with another child so he understands that he is being nice by sharing.

Seems to be working so far...

Rollerskaterabbit · 20/09/2013 17:22

We do the monkey see, monkey do route. I let both DS see me and my husband exaggeratedly sharing pretend things e.g please can I read your magazine/use your deodorant etc. I have to admit it only works with certain things- fights still ensue over their mutually favourite dinosaur toy. Therefore when we went on holiday I'm sorry to say I purchased another one just so our 2 week break wouldn't be ruined by their bickering.

umabritmum · 20/09/2013 17:34

Sharing was not a problem in case of foods or books but when it comes to toys, it was the main problem for my DS who was 2 and DD 4. So, I happen to find ways to make them happy in whatever they get.

Every time, we got to buy toys/gifts for my kids, I (and my hubby) will let them choose their own kind of toys - DS go in for cars and stuffs like that and my DD chose princess/barbie stuffs. We make sure that they understand that they have their own toys to play now and they shouldn't fight with each other.

But kids are kids, they silently love to play in the other toy brought for their sibling and that's where fight comes. Then again, I (parent) comes in between telling them if they chose to play in their siblings toy, you got to ask each other , " Shall I play with your toy and you can have mine ". And it worked ( most of the time). Whenever they share , I reward them by saying " very good" ,"good girl", "you are a star" and so on.

Slowly as they grew (DD now 6 and DS now 4 ), they learnt to play together sharing their toys. Sometimes they do fight but at the end they share their things by their own (without me interfering).

I also remember telling them once that the angels are watching over them and if they are good , kind and shared together, Santa Claus will bring a big gift for them during Christmas. - a kind of reward

Recently I noticed that they pick a topic to play and choose the toys for the play together. As I write this, I believe that kids can understand when we stress on the word "sharing" and telling them how important sharing is and when they do, praise them with rewards like hugs, hand shake, gifts, etc

treaclesoda · 20/09/2013 17:36

Over the years, my method of dealing with any refusal to share has always been the same. Firstly, I try to be nicey nice and reason with them 'just take it in turns' etc. If that doesn't work (and often it doesn't!) then I warn that unless they share, whatever they are playing with will be put away and no one will play with it at all. Thirdly, and most importantly, I follow through on step number two if necessary. Have only needed to do it a couple of times, but the message got through, and sharing is mostly not a problem any more.

breatheslowly · 20/09/2013 18:06

We sent DD to nursery - they taught her to share. I really recommend it if you have an only child.

EastFife5Forfar4 · 20/09/2013 18:11

Sharing what needs to be shared - we lead by example, and it has seemed to work well. However, we do not insist in sharing everything - I don't want to share everything, so why should I force DC to? So far no problems with this approach. DC understand what needs to be shared (public stuff, eg at playgrounds,) and understand what can be rightly kept to oneself if one doesn't want to share, which is also ok.

poopoopoo · 20/09/2013 18:12

Luckily my little girl is really good and understanding because my little boy hates sharing, we are trying our best.... My little boy is the youngest and has a tantrum when he does not get what he wants. We currently say if he can't share, then the toy/cake/pens/game gets put away and he has to find something else to do.

pootlebug · 20/09/2013 18:23

Maybe because my eldest two are close in age, they are just used to the idea that they share stuff between them. With a friend round maybe not so good.....have resorted to the timer so that everyone can see it is fair and they've all had a proper turn etc.

BehindLockNumberNine · 20/09/2013 18:34

I don't think I 'taught' my children to share as such. I just tried to make sure that, as much as possible, they played nicely and intervened when they became selfish demons at toddler group, at friend's houses and at any other social occasion. I praised them when they did share and made them give up a toy when the phrase "No! Mine!" (usually accompanied by a defiant holding of an object over their heads whilst another child was either crying or attempting to ask for his / her toy back) was uttered within earshot and I felt the situation warranted intervention.
Luckily for me they have grown up into caring young people who share freely and are generous with their time and possessions. Grin

nocake · 20/09/2013 18:51

We've never taught our toddler to share. I don't know if she's learned at nursery but she just does it. Having seen other kids throwing tantrums over sharing we are very lucky.

IncaAztec · 20/09/2013 19:29

What are your top tips for getting your children to share with their siblings and/or friends?

Borrow from friends/the library and show them how toys/books are returned. Explain why this is not MINE/YOURS but for all to share.

Do you reward your children when they share to encourage good behaviour?

No, as then they expect it every time.

Perhaps you buy one item for all of your children to share instead of buying one for each of them?

Yes, some items have to be shared as they are so expensive!

What different strategies did you use to teach your DCs to share? Has this changed as they've got older?

When she was very little my daughter didn't seem to struggle to share. As she has become a toddler it's more difficult. Reiterating 'Ours' and 'Share' works in time.

How much of a struggle was it to get your children to share with their siblings, friends or even you? Or maybe this has never been an issue for you and your family?

Not a massive issue but could become one. If your children are going to toddler groups etc you do end up stepping in to remind them to share more often than you would like!

fishewen · 20/09/2013 19:57

Our theory was simple when dividing something to share - one divides it and the other chooses which they want. It is guaranteed to make them do it fairly!

gingercat12 · 20/09/2013 19:58

DS has no siblings, so in the beginning I had to be very strict and say "Please, share with so-an-so." I also organised picnics with friends and the little ones loved sharing their food, so it worked. DS also asked me to get him similar toys to his for his friends' birthdays, so that they can share and play together. Thinking back it was never a big issue. Also he only ever shares something with me if he does not want it.

Faithless12 · 20/09/2013 20:00

We're a sharing family anyway so we share meals when out and sometimes share Desserts. It just naturally rubbed off on DS (I think) he shares well with us.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 20/09/2013 20:09

I have three (close in age) dd's they have always been expected to share. Because we started young it was always less of an issue, they are used to sharing.

If they won't share the item gets removed and given to another sibling.... so it makes sense to share because at least then they get a play even if it is for a shorter time than they would like!

There are some items (their very special toys/ comforters) they are not expected to share and all the dc's know which these toys are (if they mess with them their own comforters are then part of the free for all!).

On birthdays and Christmas if they have been given something then that week it is theirs...then it joins the the playroom and becomes a share.

unadulterateddad · 20/09/2013 20:48

DS is an only child, so we work on how it makes him feel when things are shared with him, the "smiley happy in my heart" feeling he gets, to promote sharing with others to let them have the "smiley happy in my heart" feeling too.
When that doesn't work, taking the item away for a fixed period until he says it should go to the other person to play with and apologises tends to do the trick.

malachite · 20/09/2013 21:00

My two are still very young so I try to get them to understand how the other feels when they're jealous and encourage them to be happy by making each other happy. Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. I also make sure they each have their own special toys that they don't have to share. I do enforce turn taking with most things and always split food treats down the middle.

littlemonkeychops · 20/09/2013 21:02

We try to lead by example as much as we can. At playgroups etc i will always intervene if DD1 isn't sharing nicely. DD2 is still tiny so the issue of them sharing together hadn't come up yet but i'm reading all the good tips on here for when it does!

eteo · 20/09/2013 21:34

always take in turn. Make sure they are aware that any fighting means nothing for them

androbbob · 20/09/2013 21:35

A timer works well for us to ensure fair sharing - having two different age groups is tricky - DS aged 6 and DD aged 11. I try to engage them both in a similar activity but not competitively and lead by example on taking turns.

kateandme · 20/09/2013 22:13

look out for everyday things u can share so it becomes a known and experienced skill.small things like offering them one of your sweets and how good it makes them feel,next time assk fr one of theirs.
get two kids to share a pizza.
take it in turns to do stuff.
dont give in if it isnt there turn they must learn.
make sure they no what is ours,the tv,sofas they are all of ours to share.then this toy is theirs but it is reaally really nice to let people havea go too.