Travel responsibilities for Post 16 College

[Fififizz]

How much support to give ND teen for College? For context, me after majorly supporting with GCSE’s sourcing, juggling and timetabling external tutors, sorting out driving lessons, picking up after extra time in exams etc booking driving test, pushing for exam access arrangements etc etc, I feel burnt out and done. I don’t get any gratitude or appreciation and I’m wanting to take a step back. I fought hard for an EHCP and specialist setting but it’s not been easy. GCSE grades are very good indeed but school do a hybrid arrangement with a partner College which has been chosen despite the travel being a mare. I’m happy to do some drop offs but it’s a 1.20 min round trip and I’m not hanging around for 6 hours to fetch home. Can’t manage school bus but can manage train. This was DC choice of educational institution although obviously linked to school which is out of area too. Previously had transport but don’t even get me started on the quookie policy our LA have for post 16 transport. I’ve done two SENDIST appeals and am done with it all. I’m feeling very low and overwhelmed. How do I have a constructive discussion about what support is reasonable for me to give with travel to College please? DC has major RSD so often is very difficult with me. I feel a failure as parent. It’s all do constantly hard. Thanks

You aren’t a failure.

How close is DS to passing his driving test? I think the answer to this would influence how I would approach a conversation with DS.

Is DS’s DF in the picture? Could he challenge the LA’s transport decision/policy?

Thanks for replying, theory done, test 8 weeks away. I keep searching for earlier slots but no success. I agree that has a massive bearing and whilst I don’t want to add pressure it’s everything crossed for a pass! I suppose this is an opportunity for growth and that lifts come with conditions of being respectful, responsible etc and generally stepping up! I don’t want to use College as a bargaining chip as such though as that could massively backfire. I’m already terrified of failure to launch as though DC is capable in ways I have had to massively support and plug gaps. Yes, DF in the picture but the logistics fall more on me as I have more capacity. It’s hard to keep giving when I feel so burned out. The post GCSE summer has been very long and challenging.

No, DF not good at that sort of thing and I just cannot face any more stuff like that.

Personally, for the sake of 8 weeks, I would continue to do it. If DS doesn’t pass, then I would revisit.

Right now isn’t the time to be challenging DS over being grateful for transport IMO. Transition to post 16 with new environment, new people, new routines, more demands, etc. brings a lot of pressure on its own. Adding to that isn’t wise, IMO. Particularly when neither you and DS’s DF are able to challenge the LA’s unlawful transport policy.

@roaringdragon

Thank you for your wise words. I know you’re right. I’m just really struggling to muster my own self regulation in the face of the ongoing attitude and difficult behaviour directed at me and general lack of appreciation over everything. I somehow naively thought Post 16 would be different.

Out of interest, what’s lawful transport Post 16 pls? I thought LA’s could make up any policy and there aren’t statutory rights the same as pre 16. We’ve been awarded to the named school but only there one day a week. College aren’t named as school hold the EHCP. It’s bonkers because if 5 days a week at named school transport would be awarded 5 days. So it’s not worth our paying the parental contribution for 1 day. It makes my head hurt thinking how illogical it is….! Thanks

Post 16 transport duties aren’t the same as for CSA, but that doesn’t mean LAs can make up any policy they want, they can’t. It has to comply with the law. And they can’t have a blanket policy of just refusing. You could look at the government’s post 16 transport guidance. It wouldn’t be lawful to have a blanket policy of only providing transport to the school and not providing transport to the college. That is defintely something you could challenge if you wanted to.

The LA is responsible for the placement and ensuring the provision is provided. If the only way to do that is by providing transport, then you can also go down the LA’s s42 duty route.

BTW, I’m not saying never raise DS’s attitude. I just don’t think now is the right time to do it.

@roaringdragon
Thanks. I did think their seemingly blanket policy was unlawful. Plus it’s illogical to put a barrier into the delivery of the EHCP, as you say.

Unfortunately, I have failed to find any way to address DC attitude. I have left so much to slide due to the horrendous backlash. Even suggestion and guidance is perceived as criticism. I still don’t understand RSD and we have tried so very hard to be supportive. In fact SEN parenting has worn me away and had a huge negative impact on both my physical and mental health.

In fact SEN parenting has worn me away and had a huge negative impact on both my physical and mental health.

This happens too frequently. Not that this makes it any easier for you. Parent carer burnout is often dismissed and brushed under the carpet. The physical toll of caring is rarely talked about. You sound exhausted. We have a support thread, the Goose and Carrot Pub thread, on SN Chat if you ever want to join us. It can’t change the circumstances you are in but having somewhere to post and knowing there are others does. Have you ever had a carer’s assessment?

Does DS have SALT?

@roaringdragon

Thanks, I’ll pop over to the support thread at some point. What can I say about SALT. We had a block of 6 weeks NHS provision which was hopeless. Then I had DC privately assessed and a thorough report provided. Unfortunately DC is above the rather basic provision that the NHS provide. Uses language at a high level but the processing and understanding level is lower. Soon discharged from the by then specialist school therapy too that I’d fought so hard to be in his EHCP because of the apparently advanced language skills. I could only fight so many battles at once and had other bigger fish to fry. Unfortunately DC has been difficult to be accepting of support too, queue RSD again! So yes SALT has been had but it was pretty pointless. DC is too old now and wouldn’t be accepting of anything more I don’t think. Although did very well in GCSE’s it was with a lot of scaffolding from me. No idea how College and A levels will pan out. I don’t have it in me to give anything more at the moment.

Oh and yes I had an carer’s assessment. Utterly hopeless and awful to boot. Cannot get under the CwD team whatever you do. FAST team assessment not fit for purpose and awful….

I appreciate you don’t have the headspace to challenge the decisions right now, but if you ever change you mind, you can challenge social care’s refusal to provide support &/or the SALT (DS isn’t too old). Or if you think DS wouldn’t engage with SALT, you could look at something like Mindjam or other mentoring.

@roaringdragon

Thanks. We had early help under SC. It was no help. I’ve complained to stage 2 about them twice already and been upheld but not gone to Ombudsman. Been to Ombudsman about a different matter though and upheld. One full SENDIST appeal/Tribunal hearing and another lodged and withdrawn. Pushing at AR’s and constantly micro managing, chasing up and e-mailing here there and everywhere, and still the same old 💩 goes on. I think I’m just really downtrodden with it all again, it’s like a continuous doom loop, but I do appreciate your help.

I completely agree about the continuous loop. It is never-ending and relentless.

@roaringdragon
It’s strangely comforting to hear you agree with me. Sometimes I think I’m going completely bonkers with it all.