16yr with autism old wants to leave school, no qualifications or job

[Slippyslippers]

My 16yr old daughter is autistic, finds school really difficult. Her anxiety has really taken over the last few years & she barely functions at school so hasn't been able to go to class, she has been in a room on her own. She has also had years of bullying. She doesn't have a single friend. The school & I would really like her to stay on 1 more year to at least get her N5 English.

She started back yesterday & the bullies started on her so she sat in the loo upset instead of staying in class. It's killing her going to school & it's breaking my heart. She doesn't accept her diagnosis so wont go into the ASN classes.

If she leaves school she is going to be even more isolated sitting in the house doing nothing as I work full time. I've asked her to speak to the careers advisor to find out if she could move to college but she hasn't done this yet. She will also be limited as she only has N4 qualifications. We are in Scotland in case this makes a difference.
My other issue is that as a single parent I receive UC & I'm worried I will lose this if she leaves full time education (I know how selfish that sounds but I rely on it to pay the mortgage). I had to take a lower paid job as I was getting constant calls from the school & having to leave to pick her up.
My main questions are, should I let her leave school to save her mental health (she also has loads of physical health issues all related to stress & anxiety).
Will I lose the UC if she does leave FT education.

Thanks if you got this far.

This sounds really tough and my experience is all based on the English system. It’s difficult when DD doesn’t want to access support available.

Will she read any books? M is for autism, Martian in the playground or any by the many female autistic writers? Browse Jessica Kingsley or NAS bookshop.

I’d contact some local support groups for advice. Are there any groups available for social activities? Does she know any other autistic girls?

https://www.scottishautism.org/

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/scotland/moving-forward

Thanks so much. I will have a look at the books. She wouldn't engage with the support groups as she's not fully accepting of her diagnosis. Maybe with time....

I would encourage DD to remain in some form of education or training. But that doesn’t have to be something that leaves her feeling unsupported. It might help to look at Enquire. You could also look at Talking About Tomorrow, LEAD Scotland and Skills Development Scotland.

UC isn’t straightforward. If DD is not in full-time education, you will stop receiving the child element (and disabled child/severely disabled child element if you get that) of UC. However, in some situations, there can be extensions.

Sorry I can’t really offer any advice but my 17 year old son is similar. He’s at college but doesn’t want to do the course he’s enrolled on. He hated the course he did last year and has made very little progress. He doesn’t accept his diagnosis and won’t accept any of the suggestions made by college.

He has ambitions but they are far beyond what he’s capable of (at the moment) … he blames me and seems to think his future is in my hands rather than his own. He’s incredibly difficult and I am struggling to see any kind of future for him in terms of employment and qualifications. I keep thinking he’ll mature and grow up but another year passes and we’re no further forward. It’s very hard and frustrating.

My daughter blames everyone but herself. It's the schools fault she didn't sit any exams etc. It's so difficult as she's so desperate to be neurotypical. She hates everything about herself. She's just so very unhappy she wont enjoy anything. She has agreed to another year in school but it's a very part time time table so manageable. I keep praying she will mature a little & things will get easier but in all honesty it's getting harder as she gets older.

It Most he so difficult if she doesn’t accept her diagnosis. Does she see being ND as purely detrimental? Is she aware of people on the public eye who are ND and successful?

Yes, purely detrimental. I have showed her loads of celebrities etc with ND. She's just in such a black hole at the moment it makes no difference. I arranged therapy for her through an organisation that helps people in her situation. She's point blank refusing to go.

My son blames everyone else’s too. After he got his gcse results he had a huge meltdown insisting his results were wrong and demanding I ring the school to tell them so.

He also sees his diagnosis as detrimental and doesn’t accept it at all.

His dad is away this week and DS has his first assignment due in next week and he’s barely done any of it. He now likes college and he likes the people on his course but he feels the work is too hard for him.

my son and your daughter sound quite similar and like you I keep hoping as the years pass he’ll settle down.