How can I help my anxious teen manage an obsession with sweets?

[DeathBanana]

Daughter is obsessed with sweet foods. To the detriment of being able to think about anything else.

ETA: she’s autistic

She is 14. Has a very restricted diet but is absolutely obsessed with sweet foods. She cannot relax in the presence of sweet things. If someone brings out something out I can feel her anxiety start to ramp up. She’s on alert, monitoring who is having what. On edge incase she doesn’t get any (she always has had)

If we have sweet things in the house she cannot have some and then leave it. She can’t think of anything else until it’s all gone. Our other children miss out because either she’s inhaled the whole lot or we don’t buy anything sweet. I don’t want to be restricting access or hiding things from her.

It affects her friendships, spending time with people has the added complication of not being able to share. Being overly concerned or interested in who has what when. Her feeling frustrated because she feels or fears someone may have had more than her.

I’m not sure how to help her with this. I have steered towards not reinforcing any kind of suggestion of scarcity. I explain the biscuits are for everyone but she can have a share. I feel it’s closely tied up with her generalized anxiety.

Last night she came in as I was falling asleep as she’d spotted some icecream in the freezer (she didn’t say this) just started asking if we can have icecream tomorrow. I said “sure, but it’s bedtime now”. 8am she was in my room starting a conversation around icecream. I said we’d get some later, she said she’d seen some last night. I said it was early we’d have some later, she started being confrontational, saying “you ate two lollies yesterday” She’d been thinking about it all night long 😭

Sorry long.

The restricted diet will of course have some bearing on this. What does she eat? Have you looked at ARFID strategies or does she have a diagnosis of this?
The book linked below may help with ideas and strategies generally.

Sensory needs will be playing their part and difficulties with Interoception may mean that she doesn’t recognise hunger or being full.

I know you are saying you don’t want to restrict access or hide things. In order to address this and avoid the difficulty escalating and continuing into her adult life you probably need to.
Would she respond to a Social Story?

One idea would be to give her a mini budget/ pocket money and she could buy her favourite treats. She’d need to learn to divide them up across the week or accept that once they’re gone they’re gone. The money could be paid in 2 halves. This wouldn’t work if the sweet things are her safe foods. It would also mean some other items were off limits.

Another thing to try would be named tuck boxes. This could include some healthier snacks especially for your other children. Snacks could then be divided up fairly and rules put in place about only eating from her own box.

I’d also look at your use of language. Saying sure but it’s bedtime and later is too vague for her. Saying tomorrow also just means the next day which to her is when she wakes up.
You may need to be specific e.g.2 scoops of ice cream after dinner or after your shower etc. The First and Then idea.
The restricted diet will complicate this I know.

Does she have an EHCP? Is it something that school staff could support with or suggest strategies? Have you spoken to any professionals?

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/autistic-teen-s-avoidant-eating-workbook-book-elizabeth-shea-9781787758599?sku=NGR9781787758599&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22660415991&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAIA2Npb4LeI277bB4bEy_07wP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI2NC1t-njlQMVBpZQBh3N0jAcEAQYASABEgL3W_D_BwE

Thank you @24Dogcuddler, such a thoughtful and informative response. I need to take some time to digest these suggestions which seem on the button.

she’s swimming through treacle CAMHS and has fairly recently started sertraline. No EHCP and the school is pretty rubbish.

no ARFID diagnosis but she literally only eats…I’m struggling to think of something. Currently she eats mozzarella sticks. And one kind of flat, round garlic bread 🤦🏼‍♀️

thanks for this though. I’m going to give it real consideration. When I get 10 minutes

I would look at a referral for ARFID. If you can get a referral to the Maudsley, they have an ARFID service.

Rachel Bryant-Waugh is one of the leading HCPs in the UK dealing with ARFID; she wrote a book called ARFID Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder: A Guide for Parents and Carers. Gillian Harris is another one of the leading experts on ARFID, with Elizabeth Shea they published the Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children, including those with Autism Spectrum Conditions book. You might find reading them helfpul.

Has DD had a sensory OT assessment?

You can request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Any chance you suspect ADHD as well as ASD? Some people with ADHD self medicate with sugar and find medication really helps.