The Goose and Carrot July Edition

[Lougle]

All welcome, and everything disappears after 90 days.

@Wellzizizbetter the two things that helped me were firstly repeated pub chat on the topic, it’s such a big and important set of decisions I needed the repetition to get traction. The other thing was spending £500 chatting to a lawyer recommended by MIND, this helped enormously as the advice was targeted and specific to DD our finances and family size etc.

@Tulipandmagnolia oh and great news on planning approval! That was quick.

We picked up one set of results, straight 9s across the board and not one teacher even said well done. For many it’s the last time they’re at that school so it’s a bit of a bummer.

@TheGoodCat yes I need the repetition too. I don’t think there is a best answer that fits all of us, but other peoples choices do help. I’m a planner by nature but the world has changed a fair bit since I sketched out a plan and the years I was expecting to revisit have been eaten up with covid, family changes, education hell and epilepsy fire fighting.

@Wellzizizbetter a late well done from me. It's sad, isn't it?

@Wellzizizbetter congratulations to DC with straight nines! How did they get the results early?

A fancy 💕❤️👌🙌. Well Done 🌟🙌❤️💕 from me.

Urgh these omissions do stick in the mind.

I wonder about it too! We were generally five years ahead of the LA and NHS professionals excluding the OT) about the severity of DD1’s difficulties - and we were always proved right in the end? I suspect the SALTs did know, but tried to pull the wool over our eyes to save money for as long as possible.

I don’t understand how these people get away with it?

I don’t understand comments on the ADHD thread about how children with ADHD didn’t get sent to special schools. They did get sent to MLD schools here 25 years ago!

It was many years ago, I was really just sharing that results days are rather an anticlimax.

There are options other than residential care and staying at home with family. DS1&3 will need care for life, but residential placements won’t work for them. They will need individual placements (or maybe together if that would work at that point in time).

The question of whether LPA or Deputyship is the right route to go down is based on capacity. Other differences don’t come into it.

@TheGoodCat you wouldn’t need to swap to Deputyship if you had LPAs. If you own your own home, I’m surprised you were told a Trust wouldn’t be of benefit.

@inthequietofdawn i was really surprised! This was a lawyer. I think we need a financial advisor.

A full time minimum wage job pays c£25k per annum which would need an investment pot of c£500,000 based on a 5% drawdown. In 30 years time a full time minimum wage would pay c£52k per annum needing a pot of £1.1m.

So I think being able to ring fence a smaller amount in a disabled persons trust without affecting benefits is the way forward.

I’m having one of those weeks where I just want to get off the bus and lie down alone with an empty mind. I’ve booked a few days away alone to gather myself. 4 nights of sleeping/eating/exercising when my body needs to.

I understand that. Earlier I was trying to juggle 4 tasks simultaneously because each DC wanted something and I had also received an important email. I literally had to say 'wait, you're in a queue! I'm just one person.'

I’ve just had multi task overload too. Sometimes being the mother computer is awful.
As far as trusts go what was suggested last time I did proper work on this (by a lawyer not a financial advisor) was a family trust to be administered by us for the education and enrichment of family, that could then be dissolved (if they wanted to) once ds died and the money split between my other children or their dependents.

I think the treatment of non disabled person trusts is vulnerable to change and higher taxation but that a disabled persons trust is more likely to be excluded from change by governments. I guess if the amount in the trust is high enough it would withstand increased taxation if it happened.

I should have done a sweepstake on what time the results day would start. Missed an opportunity.

The answer is... never. The tutor phoned apologetically to say that he really shouldn't be phoning in the holidays but had just been told that there is no results day and results will be posted out to students. I told him very firmly what I thought of that idea. He was furious too.

I've now had an email to say the head teacher will call me tomorrow morning about 'arrangements'.

It's so hard, isn't it, to be trying to consider hypothetical situations.

Our life insurance runs out at retirement age and we were offered the opportunity to extend it but the premium was huge. We declined. So if I die, DH will get my life insurance. If he dies, he'll get mine. If we both die, the girls will share both our life insurances in Disabled Dictionary Trusts. It isn't life changing amounts - Enough for a deposit on a flat, or for it to be used to give DD1 equipment she might need. But, to be honest, unless we die, there won't be anything anyway because we don't have any money. I think we're more valuable to them alive than dead!

@Lougle that just isn’t acceptable. Even if they don’t want pupils to collect in person, why post, can they not email?

Disabled Dictionary Trusts gave me a chuckle.

@TheGoodCat I hope your time away allows you to recharge and reset.

Our live insurance runs till the mortgage is paid as it was only ever to protect that really. I’ve poured everything into the other children’s education to give them the best start as I think ds will need most if not more than what we can leave. We can all only do our best.

Haha! I didn't notice. I'm so furious it's given me fat fingers.

The tutor has 'thrown a hissy fit' (his words) and now the HT is going to meet us at the school at 11 am. I asked whether that extends to DD3's school friend, who she was going to pick up? Because that's awkward. He's going to get back to me.

I'm so angry that I'm almost unable to feel angry.

lougle I am angry on your and DD3's behalf. That is really not acceptable for any student.

It is so difficult planning for an unknown and unknowable future. We have plans in place on the assumption that DCs will stay living together in this house and that neither DH nor I will need extensive old age care but there are so many other variables possible that I can't feel it is all sorted.

Haha! I didn't notice. I'm so furious it's given me fat fingers.

The tutor has 'thrown a hissy fit' (his words) and now the HT is going to meet us at the school at 11 am. I asked whether that extends to DD3's school friend, who she was going to pick up? Because that's awkward. He's going to get back to me.

I'm so angry that I'm almost unable to feel how angry I am.

@Lougle surely the school cannot be contemplating one rule for one and another rule for others?

@NoHaudinMaWheest in England, because DC are living in the home and are disabled, your home would be protected even if you or DH needed care. Is that the case in Scotland?

Umm... Well we haven't been sent an email saying 'See you tomorrow', so I suspect that's exactly what they're trying to do. I've kicked up a fuss so they've asked me for a time I can get there for DD3 to get her results. It's pretty bad.

@Lougle it is a sad state of affairs when a special school not only doesn’t want to celebrate the success of all students who sat GCSEs and other qualifications on results day but also doesn’t want to enable students to be able to celebrate independently of the school on the day either.

inthequietofdawn According to the solicitor usually disabled dcs can stay in the house but it is at the LA's discretion so there is no guarantee.
It is also possible that they would not longer qualify for ADP in the future though still being too disabled to cope independently so that might make proving disability trickier.

@inthequietofdawn can you tell me more about disabled children being allowed to stay in the home please? If DD was say 40 DH dead and me in a home would she have to sell when I died?