The Goose and Carrot July Edition

[Lougle]

All welcome, and everything disappears after 90 days.

Well the re-issued EHCP outputs of DDs Annual review are now overdue im not sure whether to poke the bear or not bother.i cant deal with the LA stress over the holiday period. The whole dept is in complete disarray & they will just strip everything out anyway to shoehorn her into the local college at post16 regardless of what we say. Our main tutor has advised they are in contract until July next year so I’m reasonably confident that should continue through to GCSEs. But I’ve had no DPs since March and it’s looking unlikely to fund music in Sept which was the main thing left that I used the now empty pot for. Music was stipulated by tribunal in current EHCP.

🤣plum tree definitely not something to brag about it’s hideously chopped about because having been a pathetic excuse for a fruit tree and producing almost nothing for years we decided to give it 1 more chance a few years ago, removed all the ivy and suckers and pruned it and it leapt into over production. The last three years its overladen branches have snapped off and needed emergency hacking…it’s unusual.

@TheGoodCat congratulations on the job.

@Lougle good luck to DD3.

@Beachgosling if you are being ignored over the DPs for music, you could look at a pre-action letter. If you go down that route, you could cover the breach of AR timescales too if you want to.

Thanks for the shed advice @Wellzizizbetter Just ordered things for it as we will need similar whatever shed we do though if it's new one they said to wait 6 months but DS looks so like he has a perfect nest in old shed and now it's completely clear as long as we can get roof done I think we are veering towards that. I am waiting for tree first as the shed might get hit during that though we could do things like remove paint from front and wash it down. I have already done inside but outside needs a bit more, do have hosepipe ban but can work round that. We are going to use Protek paints for exterior, our amazing chicken company uses those, Flytesofancy, and they have lasted so well on chicken coop and also can colour coordinate. We had done mini beach huts in that paint. I've got wood preserver to go on as a primer from Protek and also mold and mildew remover, not sure we have any but it was cheap.

It means planning was a waste of money but it will be a lot cheaper than new shed and DS loves that shed so much.

I think a plumber tree is definitely something to be proud of, imagine how much money you could make with all those plumbers. Our apple tree is dropping a lot of fruit, think it's the heatwave. Hope patio goes OK.

Well done on job @TheGoodCat

Sorry was difficult @Lougle. Kayaking sounds great to me but hard to fit in when you are so busy, I miss when DS would come with us. Hope driving test goes OK.

34C here so today will be lazy.

@Tulipandmagnolia - our neighbours have an apple tree, which overhangs our garden. We noticed whenever birds are hopping about in the tree, apples drop off it! This is particularly likely, as we have bird feeders and a water bowl for the birds.

We used to get 90 gold finches at a time, surrounding our garden; but not any more - probably due to the disease, which goes through the finch family?

@Tulipandmagnolia another to consider would be Zinsser All Coat. We used it for the cabin. It can be tinted in any colour because Zinsser have agreements with Farrow and Ball, Little Greene... Well all the paint companies...to use their RAL codes. It's self-priming, stain blocking, and anti mould/fungus. You also don't need to sand beforehand.

It could be the birds @LathkillDale we have so many small birds (hence the big sparrowhawk).

Thanks @Lougle I've already ordered the paint and we used the same already for the beach hut mini sheds and the chicken coop is same colours. Just got a cordless sander and DH has just collected it. I have messaged the asbestos removal company to check they can do a new roof before we do much though we need all the stuff for a new shed apart from mold and mildew and the cordless sander anyway. It says on their website they do replacement roofs. Its cute how DS has it with the flower rug and non slip mat and then 5 giant sofa sized cushions in a T shape so he can lie both ways.

Will need to go out in garden today so silkies can go out with sparrowhawk about so will do some shed / garden work if can manage it in 34C, if not doesn't matter are doing well at all the work.

@Tulipandmagnolia Does the sparrow hawk attack hens? I am surprised - we get birds of prey do a swoop round, because there are so many birds around our garden. Occasionally, a sparrow hawk kills a wood pigeon in our garden, but quite often they go for small birds. A friend saw a sparrow hawk deliberately drown a starling in his garden pond!

Twice, we have had a peregrine falcon!

We have Kites, and when the cats were kittens I always went out with them. Our chickens were arseholes though, so I doubt any bird would have messed with them.

Today I was speaking to a friend who asked about DSs’ EHCPs. Another woman jumped in ranting about how my DSs get too much, it’s unfair, they don’t need, her DS gets nothing, etc.

When I pointed out her DS not getting support isn’t the fault of me or DSs and the support we have hasn’t fallen into our lap easily or by chance - we have the support we have because we have pursued it doggedly, advocating for DC and enforcing their rights relentlessly, every step of the way, and continue to do so, and those routes of redress are available to her too if she or a representative (they could afford full representation if they so wished) wished to pursue support she huffed and puffed and stormed off.

Thinking you get nothing because ‘some people get everything’ is so narrow-minded and reeks of jealously.

TheGoodCat well done on the job.

lougle I hope the driving test goes well tomorrow.

inthequietofdawn ridiculous woman. How any one in this world can imagine that any provision just appears beats me.

@inthequietofdawn she sounds a little illogical. You aren’t good at advocating for your sons. She may be good at other parts of parenting. Her son’s support is not connected to you in any way. I’m sorry you have to hear that nonsense. It makes it harder I think. Like the wrangling between high needs and lower needs autistics. We don’t need to fight each other do we?

It’s been a tiring driving day here. I’m feeling my age.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” springs to mind plus she will not have seen the hours and hours of advocating, plate spinning and sleepless nights which have gone into securing that provision @inthequietofdawn and then trying to hang on to it.

Did anyone else see the update from Sinclair law the legal team that they have submitted the legal challenge to the changes in the Send Bill. There is a crowd justice “garden to water” if anyone else is interested in supporting the brave claimants as the direction of travel from the Gov on this is really chilling. Also the latest update on changes to social care intertwined with special education. I’m no expert but I have kept a passing interest via social media.

@LathkillDale The sparrowhawk apparently can go for bantam chickens which ours are, ours are also very docile and not very intelligent. So far it's 3 pigeons and 2 blackbirds though only one in our garden and rest in next door neighbours who sent us a message and said be careful with your silkies. She loves our silkies. DD also said make sure the sparrowhawk does not get the silkies keep them in the coop. And they are DH and DSs babies and they also follow me around gardening singing so we are attached to them. We just went out for 3 hours, so they got 3 hours out and we're very happy. It was so hot, 34C so I did leaf clearing but fairly slowly and DH took 3 hours to clean a metal garden table and chairs, no idea how you can do it that slowly, there was nothing much on it. At least the cat is cool with his sphinx look.

I heard back re the asbestos cement removal company, they link in with someone else who adds roofs and they gave me their details for a quote. The asbestos company said they would recommend a tin roof but can have what roof we like. Current roof is corrugated clear plastic and corrugated asbestos cement. The clear plastic which is about 2/5s of it let's in light and we need that light. DS does not like other forms of light though is getting more tolerant. Currently shed is a good temperature as it's quite shaded. DH is concerned clear plastic will be too hot too but I would prefer it for light, he can also see squirrels above which he loves and that is like for like minus asbestos so doesn't need permission. It probably won't look that great but it's getting things that work for DS and also only birds will see it.

Sorry you are tired @Wellzizizbetter hope you can get some rest.

Sounds like that woman is having a breakdown @inthequietofdawn though how she can expect that conversation to not go badly I don't know. It reminds me of a friend who phoned to ask what grade DD had got at primary and I said A then she started sobbing uncontrollably saying her son had got a B and it wasn't fair. After that I always told her DD had achieved less than she had as it was better for her mental health and her son.

Thanks all. It was rather bizarre. Even if the mother is struggling, there is no justification for blaming us or other families for her not receiving support.

That’s exactly it, Z. Parents challenging LAs is part of the reason disabled DC have the rights they do. Without parents advocating for their DC, some legislation would not have been challenged and there would be significantly less case law.

@Beachgosling have you read The Times article today about social care? If that extends to children’s social care, it will have significant effects on specialist independent residential schools and colleges.

@inthequietofdawn - can you tell me what is says in a nutshell? Iirc, the Times is usually hidden by a paywall?

I wonder if that other mother was parroting something she’s heard LA officers say? They all seem obsessed with equity here, and use it to blackmail parents emotionally - ie stop asking for resources for DC, because it’s not fair on other DC, whose parents don’t know how to advocate for their child?

I heard Sinclair Law are not taking on new cases, because they are concentrating on the legal challenge, thanks to crowd funding.

It's divide and conquer, isn't it? Get the plebs to fight over the crumbs falling from the table, and they might not notice the big fancy cake on the table that everyone else is eating.

I'm a little surprised you're getting it, though, @inthequietofdawn - DS1's needs must be very obvious.

Just remember. When you are an old lady, reflecting on your life, you aren't going to be thinking you didn't fight hard enough for your DC. You've given everything to your children - those you talk about here and those you don't. If someone is frustrated that they don't have the determination or stamina to play the long game, that's on them.

@LathkillDale you're so right. If they want equity, they need to start dishing out resources to those that can't advocate instead of turning a blind eye to it. It's madness (for them) to suggest that the answer to inequity is that those who can advocate stop doing so to level the playing field.

Another fairly tough day here. DDs had the dentist so DD1 wanted to share how very much her teeth hurt (she hasn't mentioned this at all). She also got really angry because I needed to buy a new printer and she felt that this was very unfair because she loves buying new things.

DD1's psychologist has shared the view that DD1 has capacity to make LPAs because she expresses that she wants us to help her and take care of her now and in the future and she understands enough to know that she needs that help and can't do things for herself.

I also had an email today to ask if I wanted a change of clinician, so I've confirmed that I do.

CAMHS have finally got back to me about DD3's ADHD medication review. They said they can't give a timeframe for an appointment, so they suggest that I go 'to her private provider'. I emailed, then phoned, to say that a) she doesn't have one because he stopped private practice and b) they issued a shared care agreement with the GP, in which they stated that they would review her medication in 6 months, which should have been January 2026 and c) it isn't good enough to write a shared care agreement, which the GP has agreed to on the basis of its contents, then ignore their part of the deal. I then got an email saying 'Oh we got a bit confused about the shared care agreement...'

Thanks for the driving test support - I don't think I can bear for her to fail again.

It's all so exhausting. I have DD1 at the GP tomorrow first thing, the plasterer/electricians are coming to finish our utility room ceiling, which I'd forgotten about, which means poor DD2 will have to cope with them in the house while I'm out. DD3 has her driving test, and our church pastor/friend is dropping in for coffee which means I have to somehow tidy the house so it doesn't give bubonic plague vibes.

@LathkillDale oh, I have heard such things from my LA (and others while supporting other people) many times but in this case I think they were entirely the other mother’s personal views. My LA acts as though I should bow down in gratitude for every scrap. They hate that I won’t allow them to do as they please and they hate I have been so successful in securing provision.

The article was about Burnham’s plan to shake-up social care. Part of which is removing funding for private for-profit companies by making them ineligible for a new funding formula. If it extends to cover children’s social care as well as adult, it could have knock on effects on some residential schools and colleges who provide their residential services via children’s homes. Wales has already legislated to ban private companies who make a profit from children’s services from 2030, but changes are already afoot and look how well that plan is going or not, depending on your perspective.

“if we did it for you we’d have to do it for everyone” and variations on that theme has always been a bit of a warning flag in any conversation for me. It tends to make me combative which is counter productive.

@Lougle X-posted with you.

'Oh we got a bit confused about the shared care agreement...'

I bet they did!

What a relief the LD service has finally listened to your concerns about DD1’s care.

Thanks. You are right. The system fails many, but that isn’t the fault of those who have support. All children should have their needs met and all families should be supported to advocate for their DC.

DS1’s needs are very obvious, but he receives a very expensive package of support and I know some object to the amounts spent on any one child. Some also see parts of EOTAS packages as luxuries and don't think they should be funded for anyone.

"DS1’s needs are very obvious, but he receives a very expensive package of support and I know some object to the amounts spent on any one child."

They'll be crying buckets when they see how much his adult services package costs! He's not going to suddenly need less support. It's so short-sighted.

If the LA had spent a bit more on DD1 when things weren't working, I doubt she'd need the level of provision she needs now.

Exactly. Spending money to meet needs in the short term saves money in the longer term. People don’t see that or don’t want to see it. They want to kick the spending down the road. Make it someone else’s problem.

You and DD1 have been failed by so many professionals time and again. So much money, resources and time could have been saved. And all in the name of saving money in the immediate.

I just wish they’d say what they’d provide and what they won’t and stick with it.

DS went for the whole session to his holiday club today - it's 12-16 year olds, mainstream but FSM so I think there will be a few with some similar needs due to family circumstances. Apparently he joined in a bit but was a bit silly (though unlike most other clubs we weren't told "so he can't come again").
We are giving him several pep talks about listening properly and staying with the group as tomorrow they are walking into town (just places he knows), as he's keen to go to the water park on Friday. Fingers crossed he manages it but if he doesn't I am planning to take him to the local pool anyway.

It's true. I had a bit of a sob on my friend's shoulder on Sunday. She worked at the preschool DD1 attended and did some 1:1 with her. I literally said 'How did we get here?' So many failures, right from the day she was born.

Even today I had a string of emails about a prescription for her ADHD meds. I'm not quite sure why a prescription is being written, because the GP prescribed a month's worth of meds, so that should carry us through to review day. But then I got garbled emails about the 'FP10' to collect. Then I got a further email from the psychologist to say that she had cleared it up and it was a shared care document. So I had to explain that an FP10 is the green prescription that you give to the pharmacy, not a shared care document...it's crazy.

That's the only thing I'm a bit anxious about regarding a change in clinician. The current one is prescribing ADHD meds, but I'm not sure anyone else in the service will consider that they are specialist enough to do so, because they aren't an ADHD service...which might leave us in a tricky spot because the Right to Choose providers won't touch her because of her MH/LD involvement.