The Goose and Carrot July Edition

[Lougle]

All welcome, and everything disappears after 90 days.

Thanks @Lougle and @NoHaudinMaWheest We are very happy DH has retired but it's like life is too easy now, which is a nice problem to have, but feels like we need to plan it more. I have plenty of house and garden projects and it's nice to go out 1 or 2 days a week but it's just finding a new normal and not sure we want house and garden 5 days a week though if we did we could get lots done. I want to do DSs bathroom though that would need listed buildings consent, building regs etc and also want to apply for permission to change layout to get a bedroom though currently they are saying no to that so that ones going to be a battle and one we may not win. Shed should hear end August.

I wish DS wanted to do something and was able to but still don't know if he will be like this forever, we can work round that and support him if he is, or whether he will return from being like an alien since hospital at some point. As DD is doing so well I am fairly chilled about it at the moment and we have another year of university for her. There are tiny flickers with DS but we are still at only about 20% of previous functioning after 3 to 4 years from hospital. He will refuse working with anyone and I am also wary of starting things if he's not fully better or at least need him significantly better than now and able to communicate problems enough for safety. I think this next year we can work on house, shed and garden which will improve things. He's started to respond to the cat and we could even get a second cat but want to make sure we have intense projects behind us before then and think about it more. The cat is like a hyperactive cuddly kitten today so today's activities are sorted.

@Lougle DD is a blinds down kind of gal but also had a big phase of ‘people seeing in’ and liminal spaces. I just assumed that my DD getting a full nights sleep plus a nap was necessary as getting through her day must be so tiring for her. How’s DD1s pain today?

DM has gone home to rest. I think the night away is a moment in time where everything worked and the stars collided rather than an ongoing development. My tiny raft of 4 really needs me to be the paddler.

Who does DD1 think is watching her @Lougle one person in particular, just anyone walking past or more like a psychosis being watched? Though DS does change in bathroom or shed so think wanting privacy is normal at this age. Not that DS is in any way normal.

34C here tomorrow. Cat will probably appreciate having less fluff. He's currently in super cuddly, super playful, purring and needed attention 24/7 mode which is lovely to see though he poked me for cuddles for the 100th time today and I knocked my cup of tea over my bed. Should be gardening after lunch.

DD is coming home in a week's time whilst DH goes to France to see relatives then DD goes to France with two male university friends staying at 93 year old MILs. I will order things in for when she's back and for DS. Tree is in theory coming down morning of day she's back, I hope that goes smoothly and not much lands in our garden. They are a good company.

@Tulipandmagnolia hard to tell, objectively, because as soon as you ask about it, it explodes and becomes more dramatic. She says she's scared she's being spied on and sees people in her room watching her. But given that her room is about 9x7 feet, it would be a very crowded place.

I would probably report that to psychiatrist/ mental health team just as she tells it, the seeing people who aren't there might be a flag for psychosis or similar. Not sure exactly what but that's their job to work out. Could be stress / anxiety / lack of sleep adding to it with the uncertainty over what's next. Not sure what solution is but sometimes finding part of the problem helps a bit.

They are fully aware, which is why she's being treated for psychosis.

@Lougle is this being treated as DD1’s first episode of psychosis? Or is the more recent deterioration being treated as a new episode? Feel free to ignore if you would rather not answer BTW.

Just got a message from my brother that my mum has died. Fairly numb at the moment but it will no doubt sink in soon. I'm executor so I see lots of paperwork in my future... just what I need.

drspouse I am sorry to hear your news about your mum. Take things slowly it is bound to feel numb and unreal at the moment.

@drspouse I am sorry to hear about DM. There’s a lot to do, organising a funeral.

Drspouse I am sorry to read your DM has died.

Oh @drspouse of course it feels strange, I’m so sorry for your loss. I often am struck when really big things happen that the little things just keep going on and somehow that’s so very strange. Look after yourself.

Sorry about your Mum @drspouse

Sorry they think it is psychosis @Lougle but good its being treated.

Quite hot here today at 29C. Cleaned kitchen including floor then went out to garden with DH and we spent 3.5 hours including kitchen. Cleaned silkies stuff, a sparrowhawk had eaten a pigeon so DH cleared up the feathers, I cleared leaves and apples and looked at side of shed and we both watered the lawn and plants and we planted new plant from flower show. It'll need one more gardening this week though won't be tomorrow as its 34C but after that its more reasonable. Friday we have a day out at local vineyard with wine (I don't drink though) and seafood. DH has booked trip to France next week and it will be easy to fill time before it and during it with gardening, house and kids, cat and chickens. Weather is more sensible temp after Friday.

Shed is like individual weatherboards each one nailed. They look like they have been wet and dried but all are solid. About 3 need replacing. DS has reset up the shed with 5 big cushions, rug and non slip mat and looks quite cosy in there.

@drspouse sorry for your loss. Take care in the coming weeks and months.

@Tulipandmagnolia You can just go to a diy shop (convenient) or a timber yard (cheaper) and buy the replacement boards. It’s much easier than you think. Buy a crowbar and a hammer if you don’t have them. Once it’s fixed, clean the shed with a pressure hose (if you are allowed in your area) let it dry in the heat and then paint it (spray is much much faster) with wood preserver (coloured options are available or wood stain which is more camouflaging). As far as the window and doors go, if you want something more unique I’d have a look at reclamation yards. You can buy lovely quirky little windows and doors quite reasonably.

I'm so sorry @drspouse . Is messaging your preferred method of communication? I can imagine it was a shock to receive it, especially as chemo was being discussed less than two weeks ago and your DM was just sleepy 10 days ago. I hope your family is supportive and the paperwork goes smoothly.

Hideous day here today. DD1 was screaming in pain for a few hours, begging to go to hospital. DD3 was crying because she was hot and exhausted and bored. Then she was really hostile to DD1. DD2 wasn't feeling well in general.

I've been juggling a Princess Royal Trust appointment for DM&DF, phone calls to banks, rapid health forms for DD1 at the GP, my own online medical appointment, an electrician, securing an earlier test date for DD3 and taking DD3 for driving practice.

Despite that, DD1 called me lazy because I didn't want to take her out for dinner, and DD3 said that whilst she appreciated the 'background stuff' I was doing, what she really wants is to go kayaking.

Anyhoo. Tomorrow is a new day, and DD3 now has a driving test on Thursday. I hope she passes because I don't think I can cope with another sobbing mess.

I took to reciting the “background” stuff while I cooked at one point. They all looked a little terrified as though I’d gone a little mad…perhaps I had. You’re doing too much @Lougle you will have to jettison some stuff and kayaking is not an option till you get some time to yourself. I have a patio to dismantle before Monday and we are a car down so I am doing ridiculous amounts of driving….if only jettisoning was really an option.

You know how to live @Wellzizizbetter . Will you use a breaker or are you going to salvage the slabs?

I am doing too much but not enough at the same time. So much needs to be done .

Love how posters casually discuss enormous projects as an aside to the enormity of daily life.

I got a job, I knew it would be quick if I asked and so I had a fast decision to make. Thanks for absorbing the thread filling deliberations on Carers Allowance.

@drspouse thinking of you tonight.

Definitely salvage if I can get them up whole @Lougle. I try to run the house on as little as possible so most things get reused. We have a lot of big big expenses this year but luckily most things in our saggy old house can be cobbled together. I like learning new stuff. I’m ok at most things if I just don’t rush and redo until it looks ok. My plumber tree has snapped a very large branch under the weight of plums so that will need sorting too. It’s a bit like living in Little House on the Prairie. There’s always something to do.

@TheGoodCat congratulations! I'm really pleased. Can't wait to hear about it.

@Wellzizizbetter cobbling is the very best way. I also like to learn new skills - very satisfying.

I like the humble brag about your plumber tree being so successful that the weight of the juicy plums has snapped a branch, too 🤣

So sorry to hear @drspouse I hope you can find a path through the weeks ahead and space to grieve whilst juggling such a busy family life.

well done @TheGoodCat that’s brilliant in so many ways. I hope DD reaction doesn’t scupper your opportunity. I’ve hung onto my job luckily because of my flexible role & kind manager but it does help focus DD2 as well because she sees me working & focused Ive “body doubled” her without realising - not always successful though as she’d still take any opportunity to not get started on school work! We are still ploughing through education until the end of this week as I’ve found only a 4week break is needed as we cover less during the week.

@Lougle fingers tightly crossed for DD3, I hope the test goes ok. I nearly lost my shit (straw breaking camel back really) at my lovely kind DD1 last night who walked in after work & sport to ask what’s for tea. I rattled off two reheat-able options in the fridge neither were wanted I was not going to cook a third option.. she did apologies with a hug later once we’d both calmed. I hope you can carve out a tea break somewhere and I agree rattling off ALL the stuff your juggling sometimes does help others to understand or at least mute them for an hour.