Ds2 and I got thrown out of the barber's

[lingle]

Ds2 has big issues with haircuts but we had been making progress - He only cried right at the end last time.

Today, we got there at 3pm, saw there was just one customer there already having his cut, waited half an hour, by which time other children were coming in after school. Ds2 kept trying to calm himself down, saying that mummy would ask the barber to put the hairdryer on the shelf and the barber would say "ok".

It got to our turn. I asked the barber if I could move the hairdryer as DS2 is terrified of them.

He said, no, that he didn't have time for messing around, next please. I was obviously taken about and said all I wanted was for him to move the hairdryer. He said no, get out. I asked if I had done or said anything offensive and if there was any reason why he couldn't have told us sooner if he was going to refuse to serve us and got the immortal line: "I don't like you and I don't like your wingeing kid".

So we left.

Another mother with a reception-aged child was waiting and very kindly walked out with us and gave me a hug and a pick-me-up chat which of course I appreciated and which equally of course made me dissolve into tears on the street.

longer term, it's annoying because I think with any anxiety-based problem like this you don't want to back away once you're committed - I can just see Ds2 next time at (another) barbers saying "no mummy the barber's too busy".

am tempted to compose letter to local newspaper: "to the lady who comforted me after the Barber at xxxx barbers shouted at my disabled child because he was frightened of the hairdriers and told me to get out "because I don't like your winging kid". Thank you. It was a humiliating experience but you made me feel better".

dare I?

Also it makes you realise how having receptive language delay, sensory issues and ASD traits is not something that you can explain in a succinct riposte to a man like that.

Am still crying (but cry easily LOL)

god that is awful and yes do write that letter and name and shame him.

also post on your local bit on here and ask for a nice hairdresser.

Am very very

And yes to local newspaper. Definitely.

(I would have cried too by the way!)

sympathy, lingle, and hugs.

what a twat of a man.

have you seen that particular man before, or other people in that barbers, iyswim? either way it is totally unacceptable on his part.

I owuld be fuming - as you say, your ds has been making good progress, and for all he knows, he has just undone all that work...

Is there anywhere else you can go? maybe make an appo9intment beofrehand and have it noted that hairdryers etc need to be moved (I have the same problem with dd1. that and fecking spray bottles - I'm not sure which part of "she is phobic about water, please don't spray ehr hair" (whilst also pointing out we won't mind a wonky fringe, and will happily have any haircut they can manage to do on dry hair) is impossible to understand...)

What a horrid hair dresser , i would have shoved his hairdryer up his A**.

Lingle that's a horrible thing to have said to you and little ds. Definitely name and shame while you are still angry about it. I am sending a hug.

Bloody hell. Yes, write to the local newspaper. And see if the twat was actually the owner/manager - if not, complain to him. That's shocking.

maybe I will.

Will have to work out correct spelling of "hairdrier" first. dryer or drier?

hairdryer

lingle please do write to paper or contact council. nobody would like a person like that to cut their child's hair so you would be doing a public service. what a horrible man.

Hi, yes I would definatly name and shame him to the point of disability awarness training. However beware as in our case health and safety and a risk assessment by the hairdressers means our son can't have a haircut!!! HTH x

thanks guys.

It's an eye-opener. Ds2's disability is about as disability-lite as it gets. Most of the time I forget that he's in a minority group that is discriminated against.

what a miserable fucker.

just looked up the disability discrimination act (thank you Riven, sorry you're having a crap day).

Seems like I'd have to write to him to explain what adjustments he should make.

!!! What an arse* of a man!! That was so out of order!
You poor thing

I'd speak to the local paper about this.

lingle - I would also class my experience with Ds as "disability lite". I have found that the vile fuckwits are very few and far between - just that the first time you encounter them you feel shaky, and worry that you will encounter more - people either tend to be decent or keep their gob shut if thinking less than pleasant thoughts IME. (I encountered a vile grandmother in a playground a few years back, when I explained DS's problems she just ignored me, so in hindsight wish I'ld just told her to fuck-off!).

just to add - obviously the post below is just my experience - if others have less positive experiences I don't wish to minimise or appear to be denying that.

Hi lingle,

Am very sorry to read such discrimination.

I would contact both the local newspaper and head office if applicable. Was this an independently run barber shop or part of a chain?. I'd be finding out who the manager or owner is and reporting them to the council.

Some barbers shops can however be not child, well even people friendly. As for the two local ones in my town, one of them does not cut childrens' hair at all on the weekends and the other will not see children under the age of 11 on the weekend.

(as an aside DS was terrified of getting his hair cur when much younger due to sensory issues; it took two people to hold him still. I ended up using Harrods to get his hair cut when they had a childrens hairdressing section. Worth every penny. Would advise anyone whose child has sensory issues to use such a place rather than a barbers or high street hairdressers).

DH is saying that he will visit the barbers tomorrow morning. love that man

but lingle's lawyerly and political head is saying that I should instead write to the barbers. There are two of them in partnership. I'm thinking of saying.

• this is what happened - your behaviour was so inappropriate that another member of the public walked out as well. You confirmed that I had said nothing inappropriate or offensive.
• these are my child's special needs (does it matter that he doesn't have an official dx?)
• as a result he may take 5 minutes longer than other customers to have his haircut, extra time for which I am prepared to pay at the going rate. He may cry and need comforting during the haircut. He may need to have the hairdryer removed from sight.
• you must make reasonable adjustments under DDA
• please reply within 14 days stating whether you propose to make adjustments and what adjustments you propose to make
• if I don't hear from you or if you refuse to serve us, I will make a complaint under DDA.

What do you think? I'm thinking that someone with tiny problems like mine can be walked all over, what chance do others on this board who are dealing with sleep deprivation, other young siblings and more challenging SN have?

I must say that a localish barbers (near Orrell Park station, Merseyside if that's of use to anyone) was lovely when Ds was being a pain wrt haircuts - one time DS just wouldn't settle, and I had to practically force some money on him for his trouble.

thanks Attila, is it the council that I would take it to?

I would like to achieve something positive here, ie make the man think twice before behaving that way to the mother of a child he assumes is "naughty".

Right, I'm off to play viola in my string quartet (and as I'm a violinist making my viola debut this should absorb me quite fully this evening)

If anyone has further thoughts or feedback on the letter idea, especially those of you who've read up on DDA, I'd be really grateful.

I think you should still definatley go for it. Hopefully it helps your case and maybe the next who walks in.
Thats coming from a sleep deprived mother of a child with severe challenging behaviour among a list of other dx's. As well as a few more kids (though not younger) but 3 have dx's also lol x

I would certainly be talking to your local council too, particularly if they have a local business forum.

I would also send that barbers a stiffly worded letter along the lines you have used.

Having said that I could always take my son in for a haircut.....he wouldn't know what hit him...........literally!!!!!!! lol x

Lingle, how gutting for you . I am pleased that a sensible parent also walked out with you. Good for her.

With my lawyerly head on I think the DDA depends to some extent on knowledge of the disablity. The HL (Lewisham v Malcolm) has ruled on this and held that an employer or service provider must know, or ought reasonably to know, about the disability before a finding of disability discrimination could be made. This also represents a significant change from earlier authorities.

However, I think it is unclear what extent of knowledge is necessary, and whether knowledge can be imputed if the person did not know but ought reasonably to have known.

I think, irrespective of the DDA, that this man was bloody rude and this deserves a formal complaint. You could set out the issues in writing to them and tell them that this could potentially be read as disability discrimination in the circumstances and that they need to be very careful with their attitudes in future if they are to stay on the right side of the law.